Can't stop thinking about someone else

Delree

Alright, dump your fiance he sounds like a loser. Then mail a dead fox to this new guy with note saying "unlike this fox, my love for you will never die".

fluffnutter

LotusStar wrote: »

Thanks for the replies!

Acid House, I was completely head-over-heels with OH when we met. I think part of the attraction with him also was that he is foreign, has a different mother tongue, was the unknown. Of course, there are no mysteries anymore and I can also speak his language fluently now. I think this is part of the attraction with the Russian guy, the mystery of a charming aquaintance.

This is a theme in a few of your posts - you're attracted to the new and exotic and once something becomes familiar it loses its shine. Well, that's pretty common - it's part of the human condition to seek novelty. But.. as you mature you realise that the benefits in relationships come from true intimacy, from knowing your partner inside out. That's when romantic love gives way to true love. You're probably just having a wobble about the 'death do us part' bit. It's OK to feel a little apprehensive. I spent a few months wondering if I'd done the right thing when I married. Six years later those feelings are a very distant memory. At some point you just work out that what you've got already can't be beaten.

ostrichnomore_2

Hi OP, it's probably just the pre-wedding jitters as it sinks in that you've made your choice, and this is it. Even though you are happy with your choice, it can be a bit scary to face up to the fact that the rest of the sweetie shop is now closed to you :-)

On a more critical note (sorry, but this is what struck me from your post) - I wonder if you tend to live in a bit of a dream world. The way you describe your OH makes him sound like the hero from a romance novel: tall, dark, handsome, exotic, aloof, adventurous. He's a cliche, not a real person from real life. If you are hankering after the romantic novel hero you are always going to struggle with real relationships. He may indeed be all those things, but there will be another side to him as well. The boring everyday side, where he eats something bad and gets the runs for two days and stinks out your bathroom 24/7, when he forgets to clean his teeth before coming to bed, when he wants to watch football (or whatever) on TV for an afternoon and it bores you rigid, when he buys you a present you hate....and so on. Real people do these things. Has his 'romantic hero' halo slipped a bit for you, so when you meet another cliche romantic hero (at first sight) you feel drawn away from your OH and towards this other man? Are you in love with your OH or the fantasy of what you think he represents?

If that's way off track, good I'm glad, but have a little think about fantasy versus reality.

On fancying another man - you will always see people you find attractive. You don't go blind just because you are in a relationship. As someone said, it's not what you think but what you do that matters. However, having sexual fantasies about them IS doing something I think is pushing the boundaries of what is a good idea. When I see someone I like the look of it's in a dispassionate way; in the same way that I might look at someone's dog and think 'what an incredibly gorgeous dog' and then forget about it. I don't then fantasise about what it would be like to own that dog, and groom that dog, and take it for walks. One of my OH's mates is decidedly 'phwooar' and yes, I think 'phwooar' every time I see him, for about 2 seconds. I enjoy that thought, then dismiss it. I've not started fantasising about him (creepy towards him, and disloyal to my OH!).

LotusStar

Thanks for the words of wisdom folks!

I think it's just down to pre-wedding nerves, you're right. I created this romantic fantasy of a mysterious near-stranger, perhaps in the realisation that there will be no more opportunities soon, once I'm wed. Someone made the analogy of the sweetie shop being closed, which I think sums things up well.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

how would you feel now, if you had had a wild night of sex with him.

Happy, guilty?

Would you be getting married, would you tell future husband.

sharnad

LotusStar wrote: »

Lol DKLS, not really. Both OH and I are highly qualified professionals. That said, I admire his skills; I couldn't cut someone open. He was a military surgeon too before leaving the Russian army, so I think this is adding to my James Bond fantasy of him.

We all went to the hotel spa one evening and in swimming trunks he was, well....think Daniel Craig emerging from the sea in Casino Royale except with a shaved head (I normally prefer the Latino type, dark and bronzed like OH, so this fair, blue-eyed Russian beefcake took me by surprise).

Maybe you are right Mojisola, it's just pre-wedding jitters. I hope so :eek:

He probably farts non stop in bed

justme111

One can "click " with many people on different levels. Does not make them desirable "as a package" , one can enjoy whatever one clicks in without it becoming inappropriate/sexual /threat to a partner. I like the way osteichnomore described her take on a handsome oh's friend - healthy.