Can't stop thinking about someone else

LotusStar

Hello All,

New member here looking for a little advice on how to forget someone I met fairly recently.

A bit of background; I've been with my OH for 7.5 years and we are getting married this summer. I love him a lot and he's everything I look for in a man; tall, dark and handsome, a bit aloof, intelligent, adventurous and fun. We also share many common interests. He is a different nationality to me (European however) and we have lived in various different countries together, and sometimes apart from each other. Despite these circumstances, everything has remained strong and I consider myself very lucky.

However, I had to spend a week away for my MBA course quite recently. The week was very intensive and I spent all my waking hours working, eating and socialising with my fellow students as we were all in the same hotel. There was one person in particular that I really hit it off with. Nothing at all happened, but there was certainly a chemistry between us. Now I can't stop thinking about him. It's a futile exercise as even if I were single, he is recently married with a small child and lives in Moscow.

I think part of the attraction is the mystery of him; the fact that he is Russian, that he lives far away and is a surgeon. I should add that I also find him very attractive, although OH is probably moreso.

What can I do to stop thinking about him? I'm a 30 year-old-woman and I feel like a silly schoolgirl! It didn't help that he sent me a message on LinkedIn saying how nice it was to have met me and that he hopes he'll see me again on another MBA school.

All advice welcome!
Thanks,
LS

**professor~yaffle**

LotusStar wrote: »

Hello All,

New member here looking for a little advice on how to forget someone I met fairly recently.

A bit of background; I've been with my OH for 7.5 years and we are getting married this summer. I love him a lot and he's everything I look for in a man; tall, dark and handsome, a bit aloof, intelligent, adventurous and fun. We also share many common interests. He is a different nationality to me (European however) and we have lived in various different countries together, and sometimes apart from each other. Despite these circumstances, everything has remained strong and I consider myself very lucky.

However, I had to spend a week away for my MBA course quite recently. The week was very intensive and I spent all my waking hours working, eating and socialising with my fellow students as we were all in the same hotel. There was one person in particular that I really hit it off with. Nothing at all happened, but there was certainly a chemistry between us. Now I can't stop thinking about him. It's a futile exercise as even if I were single, he is recently married with a small child and lives in Moscow.

I think part of the attraction is the mystery of him; the fact that he is Russian, that he lives far away and is a surgeon. I should add that I also find him very attractive, although OH is probably moreso.

What can I do to stop thinking about him? I'm a 30 year-old-woman and I feel like a silly schoolgirl! It didn't help that he sent me a message on LinkedIn saying how nice it was to have met me and that he hopes he'll see me again on another MBA school.

All advice welcome!
Thanks,
LS

I love this board it's like a big old agony column. :rotfl:

So, going into agony aunt mode I'd say you're in love with your idea of this other guy, and not with him, so keep your amorous thoughts to yourself. Fantasizing about him won't harm any, but that's all it is or ever will be.

You know the saying "you can whet your appetite wherever you like, as long as you eat at home"

DKLS

Surgeon you say, would that be classed as trading up?
If so at the next meetup seduce him.

Mojisola

LotusStar wrote: »

I've been with my OH for 7.5 years and we are getting married this summer.

There was one person in particular that I really hit it off with. Nothing at all happened, but there was certainly a chemistry between us. Now I can't stop thinking about him.

Pre-wedding nerves? The realisation that this is it - you're going to promise to stay with one man for the rest of your life.

LotusStar

Thanks Prof.

You're right of course. It's the idea of him that is so attractive. I'm definitely not in love with him - I've only known him for 5 days! He was just so, I dunno, alluring. He got under my skin a bit y'know. No-one else have ever done this, apart from OH.

I guess the passage of time will help....

Cheers,
LS

LotusStar

Lol DKLS, not really. Both OH and I are highly qualified professionals. That said, I admire his skills; I couldn't cut someone open. He was a military surgeon too before leaving the Russian army, so I think this is adding to my James Bond fantasy of him.

We all went to the hotel spa one evening and in swimming trunks he was, well....think Daniel Craig emerging from the sea in Casino Royale except with a shaved head (I normally prefer the Latino type, dark and bronzed like OH, so this fair, blue-eyed Russian beefcake took me by surprise).

Maybe you are right Mojisola, it's just pre-wedding jitters. I hope so :eek:

**professor~yaffle**

LotusStar wrote: »

We all went to the hotel spa one evening and in swimming trunks he was, well....

a steamy любимый ?

LotusStar

Not sure about a любимый as I've no idea what it mans, but he was definitely steamy! Luckily there were about 12 of us in the jacuzzi so nothing happened. Can't help fantasizing about it though...(without the others present, obviously!)

fluffnutter

Even people who've been happily married for yonks still find the odd person turns their head. That's life, just because we're attached doesn't mean that there won't be chemistry with others. It's not how you feel that's important, it's how you act.

OP, don't let it assume so much importance. You found a guy attractive. So what? He's gone now. Concentrate on your life with you fiance. That's real. If you do find yourself utterly unable to move on and start making plans to contact or meet this guy again, then I'd say you're worried about your impending wedding. Only you can decide whether this worry is normal or your subconscious trying to tell you something...

Bazey

Casual sex with a few randoms and heavy drinking should do the trick.

HTH.

AcidHouse

You say your OH is everything you look for in a man, but talk about the chemistry between you and the man you met...

Your OH can sound perfect on paper but after 7.5 years together and sometimes being apart, have you any chemistry. Did you have any at all when you first met? Did he make you weak at the knees?

Is the giddy intoxication of chemistry, that feeling of knowing you've clicked with someone & all the head rushes that come with it - the reason you can't forget this person?

I'd dig a little deeper in asking yourself why you can't forget about him. You say nothing happened, but something happened in your head. What did he do/say to flick your switches?