Scared i cant have children

Hashbrownsandbeans

Thanks for replies. Will make a Drs appoint. I know its not a weight issue as I weigh 8 and half stone which is perfect for my height. But I am definitely stressing about it too much!

Arlandria606

I've been where you are. My periods were always really, really irregular. It took us nearly 4 years to work out how to get pregnant (no, I'm not being funny, I know about the birds and the bees) - despite seeing specialists through the NHS after the first year, they could never tell us why it wasn't happening. I had to work it out for myself, self-medicate, and lo - now we can get pregnant very easily. We've since had 3 pregnancies, 2 of which ended in stillbirths (for unrelated, unexplained reasons, one at 24 weeks and one full term), the third of which is still going on. The whole experience is terrifying, a social mindfield, and the most horrible and stressful thing I've ever had to deal with.

Definitely go and see your doctor - but definitely educate yourself, too, as doctors typically don't have the time to do that. There are things you can do to reassure yourself that things are working as they should, and things you can check to know when the right time to conceive is.

Find support from people who understand what you're going through. It's one of those situations where friends who haven't been there mean well but can sometimes say the wrong thing.

If you have any questions, or just want to vent / chat, please feel free to PM me. Obviously I can't give you medical advice, but I can tell you what worked for me, recommend some books, and lend a sympathetic ear. I haven't read the TTC thread on here, but I'm sure they're equally well-versed and supportive.

Best of luck - hopefully in a year or so we'll see you posting about the best place to get bargain nappies

chrisyboy

Me and my partner had similar problems, it took us well over a year, I would say around 15 months. I went to the doctors as was worried sick and they done the usual tests. Everything came back okay, the doctor said to me 'you can take a horse to water but it might not drink'


Anyway after this and calming down and being more relaxed, a couple months down the line after having a Chinese meal, I cracked open a fortune cookie and it said 'you are expecting a new arrival', following day, 1 pregnancy test later we discover my partner is pregnant, strangely enough I knew this in my mind (forces beyond our control)


My words of wisdom, calm it all down, stop trying the techniques out there, just be as natural about it as possible and I am sure nature will take its place, its amazing how much stress and worry affects the human body!


Good luck but I am sure you do not need it

fluffnutter

Arlandria606 wrote: »

I had to work it out for myself, self-medicate, and lo - now we can get pregnant very easily. We've since had 3 pregnancies

Call me an old sceptic but if it were that easy why are there still people out there struggling to conceive? And why aren't you making millions out of your fertility advice?

fluffnutter

Hashbrownsandbeans, I have fertility problems but am now the proud owner of an 18 month old human. Be wary of 'just relax!' - it's the most pointless advice in the world. Instead, visit your GP and join the trials and tribulations thread on here. They're the most utterly brilliant bunch of people you could hope for. Good luck x.

Arlandria606

chrisyboy wrote: »

Me and my partner had similar problems, it took us well over a year, I would say around 15 months. I went to the doctors as was worried sick and they done the usual tests. Everything came back okay, the doctor said to me 'you can take a horse to water but it might not drink'


Anyway after this and calming down and being more relaxed, a couple months down the line after having a Chinese meal, I cracked open a fortune cookie and it said 'you are expecting a new arrival', following day, 1 pregnancy test later we discover my partner is pregnant, strangely enough I knew this in my mind (forces beyond our control)


My words of wisdom, calm it all down, stop trying the techniques out there, just be as natural about it as possible and I am sure nature will take its place, its amazing how much stress and worry affects the human body!


Good luck but I am sure you do not need it

I don't want to start an argument, but that's not good advice. While it's true that stress and worry do affect things, it's also true that for some couples, pregnancy can't be achieved without changes, medication, or other intervention. There's no harm in seeking some initial clarification that the relevant prerequisites (ovulation and a healthy dollop of sperm) are in place - especially when there's an indication, however minor, that they may not be.

If I'd listened to people who told me to "calm down" and "let nature take its course" I'd still be waiting for a positive test. Sometimes nature needs a kick up the backside. You wouldn't "stop trying all the techniques out there" if you had persistent physical pain that wouldn't go away - this is no different. Find out if you need to kick, and kick away.

Arlandria606

fluffnutter wrote: »

Call me an old sceptic but if it were that easy why are there still people out there struggling to conceive? And why aren't you making millions out of your fertility advice?

You are skeptical, aren't you Fair enough, I'll explain.

The problem with me was that the NHS were relying on random blood draws to prove that I wasn't ovulating and, because my periods were so irregular but they had to pre-book the appointments, they kept drawing at the wrong time, despite me telling them it was the wrong time. I charted my BBT (basal body temperature) and proved it to myself, which eventually convinced one specialist (but not the other one) to let me try Clomid. It wasn't easy in the slightest; I worked shifts at the time so had to wake up at 5am every day to take my temperature, even if I wasn't due at work until 11am. Clomid, being hormonal, made me moody beyond belief and waiting months between appointments to get to that stage was very difficult, especially when half of them were taken by the "specialist" who said that only a blood test could prove anything and clearly I had no idea what I was talking about, despite BBT charting being very much based in science and evidence.

Thankfully, we found out that DH has a ridiculously high sperm count, that Clomid makes me ovulate, and I learned how to tell that I'm in my fertile window, so when we do want to get pregnant, the hardest part is waiting for my period to roll around. I've taken Clomid 5 times and 3 of those resulted in pregnancy - those are pretty amazing odds.

I don't have a magic solution for everyone - of course I don't; many couples never find out what the problem is, and it's such a complicated process that it could be any one of a million things - but by educating myself, I got to my answer, and thankfully it was one that had a solution.

I'm not making millions from it because there are plenty of others who already advocate charting BBT to help women be aware of their fertility for a myriad of reasons. I also don't have anything to add to the information already there. The only thing I would change is that I think the NHS should be far more aware of it and far more supportive of women who choose to do it, rather than dismissing it. One day I might try and do something about that, but right now I'm focusing on not going crazy with worry about this pregnancy, which is very much a full-time job.

fluffnutter

Arlandria606 wrote: »

You are skeptical, aren't you Fair enough, I'll explain.

The problem with me was that the NHS were relying on random blood draws to prove that I wasn't ovulating and, because my periods were so irregular but they had to pre-book the appointments, they kept drawing at the wrong time, despite me telling them it was the wrong time. I charted my BBT (basal body temperature) and proved it to myself, which eventually convinced one specialist (but not the other one) to let me try Clomid. It wasn't easy in the slightest; I worked shifts at the time so had to wake up at 5am every day to take my temperature, even if I wasn't due at work until 11am. Clomid, being hormonal, made me moody beyond belief and waiting months between appointments to get to that stage was very difficult, especially when half of them were taken by the "specialist" who said that only a blood test could prove anything and clearly I had no idea what I was talking about, despite BBT charting being very much based in science and evidence.

Thankfully, we found out that DH has a ridiculously high sperm count, that Clomid makes me ovulate, and I learned how to tell that I'm in my fertile window, so when we do want to get pregnant, the hardest part is waiting for my period to roll around. I've taken Clomid 5 times and 3 of those resulted in pregnancy - those are pretty amazing odds.

I don't have a magic solution for everyone - of course I don't; many couples never find out what the problem is, and it's such a complicated process that it could be any one of a million things - but by educating myself, I got to my answer, and thankfully it was one that had a solution.

I'm not making millions from it because there are plenty of others who already advocate charting BBT to help women be aware of their fertility for a myriad of reasons. I also don't have anything to add to the information already there. The only thing I would change is that I think the NHS should be far more aware of it and far more supportive of women who choose to do it, rather than dismissing it. One day I might try and do something about that, but right now I'm focusing on not going crazy with worry about this pregnancy, which is very much a full-time job.

Thankyou. Your first post read like you had some magical beans answer - an answer that would benefit everyone if only they knew what it was.

Arlandria606

fluffnutter wrote: »

Thankyou. Your first post read like you had some magical beans answer - an answer that would benefit everyone if only they knew what it was.

Hah! If I had that I would most definitely be raking it in, but sadly my magic beans only seem to work for me. But they might also work for some other people, and while self-education isn't a magic bean, it helps.

claire16c

In my experience people who say 'just relax' are people who haven't had many problems.

Relaxing doesn't just get you pregnant.

I was pretty stressed with ttc but got pregnant because I obsessively did temping & opks. If I'd just 'relaxed' we probably never would have done it at the right time and might still be ttc now.

You can only get pregnant for a short period each month so you can be as relaxed as you like but if you're not doing it at the right time or one partner has a medical issue, it ain't gonna happen!

Not to mention plenty of women get pregnant from rape, in war zones etc, were they 'relaxed' too?!