Is it possible to stop being a moaner?

picklekin

Some people just see the negatives, some people don't. I do, sadly, and have to fight to find the good in things/people, like a concious effort all the time. I go out for a meal and afterwards, the first thing I want to do is analyse with my OH how rude the waiter was, I actually find it fun. My OH does not however, and he thinks that because I say this I must not have enjoyed the meal even though I did, but like picking things apart.

I quote Fraiser:
Frasier: What is the one thing better than an exquisite meal? An exquisite meal with one tiny flaw we can pick at all night.

However, I know my Oh is not like this so I try to keep it in, or at least say a few nice things first! Moaning is fine, but choose your audience!!

cavework

I take the dog for a walk and moan to her for one hour a day... she always agrees with me

Hermia

ameliarate wrote: »

It is true that men often do seem to want to find a solution whereas women just want to vent. My OH is exactly the same. I used to do all my moaning to my sister, who sadly died last year. I am still trying to find someone to moan to, my daughter says I can vent to her, but somehow it doesn't seem quite right.

OP, find another way of venting, if that's what you are doing. If your OH is like mine and wants to solve anything moaning at him just won't help.

I'm a woman and am leaning more towards the solution response as i get older. I think it's because I have listened to people moan about the same problem for years and in that time they could have sorted it out!

ameliarate

Hermia wrote: »

I'm a woman and am leaning more towards the solution response as i get older. I think it's because I have listened to people moan about the same problem for years and in that time they could have sorted it out!

yes there are times when a solution is obvious and should be pointed out, but there are also times when you come in from work, say, and just want to moan for the sake of moaning.

Kayalana99

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

Are you Mrs IT3?????!!!!

When my wife brings me an issue the man in me sees it as a problem and problems are to be fixed. Hence your hubby "you need to do this" etc.

What my wife, you and all women are doing are b!tching and do not need solutions.

I had been a victim of this myself for many years until i realised the above.

Never realised I did this. :eek:

Moan to OH about things and he always says I'll do XXX and I'm like no I'm not that bothered leave it be.

Not a happy bunny atm as MIL took my two kiddies out and allowed youngest his first taste of food (biscuit) against giving him a biscuit...and wanted to be their first time he had anything...but my first thought is well its to late now and to tell OH.

paulineb_2

Ivrytwr3 wrote: »

Are you Mrs IT3?????!!!!

When my wife brings me an issue the man in me sees it as a problem and problems are to be fixed. Hence your hubby "you need to do this" etc.

What my wife, you and all women are doing are b!tching and do not need solutions.

I had been a victim of this myself for many years until i realised the above.

Sometimes women arent !!!!!ing when they are offloading and I would hardly call someone grunting at another person as offering a solution.

KxMx

I have no problem when Mum comes home from work and moans about her day, rude people she's encountered etc etc. That's just letting off steam.

However, when she moans on and on to me about say, bad service in a shop, I do get annoyed. Because while I don't mind listening and sympathising, I can't do anything about it. She should complain to the shop, not to me over and over.

pukkamum

My husband could moan for england, he loves it and once he's on one it can go on forever.
I have to stop him and usualy do so by talking about my friend who's little girl is battling leukaemia or my other friend who's little girl has just had a major hip op.
It usually stops him in his tracks.

I find he is very much influenced by others, I can tell which shift of men he has been working with by how much moaning about work he does.
If he is working with certain people who hate their job he hates his job too.

I can certainly do my own share of moaning but only in quite extreme situations, lifes just too short to spend it bemoaning our lot.
I hate his moaning and he now will ask if he's been moaning too much, the answer is usually yes.

I have had to tell him as his moaning just brings the whole house down and gives the impression that he hates his life which I know isn't true.

HPoirot

My friend from uni days has been moaning about the same things for nigh on 15 years now. We wouldn't see each other for a couple of years and the minute we met she would take up the moan where she left it off the last time. I used to listen and offer solutions, but they would not be good enough for. It would be ok if she had found a solution or dealt with the problems she moans about, but no, she just moans.

Well since I had my own issues to deal with and had a bit of a breakdown 2 years ago, I can't stand her moaning. So much so that I go all the way to avoid her now. What is the point of it all, is moaning so enjoyable?

dandy-candy

Thank for the replies. I actually hate hearing myself moan (which is why I want to stop) but if I don't let off steam it builds until the tiniest thing gets a weeks worth of venting coming out! I do think women like a good moan (thinking of Sybil Fawlty on the phone going "oo I know") and that is good enough, we don't really need a solution. DH is a very efficient person who likes to bang it out when he has a problem, I think I need to focus on realising my bugbears aren't such a big deal in the grand scheme of things.