The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

gien

hi Alex, sorry that your Mum's been in the wars - I Imay=gine staying at your parents place might be a bit stressful.

I was not alcohol free last night. I had a few girlfriends round for supper and between the 6 of us we had 3 bottles of wine. I had very little since there was just one bottle of white wine and I decided to add fizzy water to mine to make a spritzer. so I woke this morning feeling fine.
That's the nice thing about being AF, you know how you are going to feel the' next day.
Today is busy, I am painting and then taking my little girl swimming this afternoon.

cathybird

Poppety wrote: »

Thank you so much for writing this. I think I'm probably a bit too much of an all or nothing girl. Maybe all of us on here are to some extent, or we wouldn't be here I suppose. I wanted to start about 7pm too last night but started about 5.45. I need to find a filler for those dodgy habitual times. I think I might get a puzzle out or my paints. Do something busy so I'm not twiddling my thumbs waiting for the sun to be over the yard arm, so to speak.

So many encouraging words on here I knew I'd come to the right place.

Thanks to everyone.

Thanks to you too Poppety as it really helps me as well to write this stuff down and think about it and what everyone else says on here helps me to do that.

I agree it can be hard when you're at home to set limits because the evening is so long. I used to kick off with the first wine at 7 or even earlier and then sit up till 1am sometimes, even on nights when I was working the next day, and of course I would drink a lot more just because there were more hours during which I was drinking. These days I finish the evening now at roughly 10.30pm, switch off the telly, and head upstairs with a cup of mint tea and a good book or my laptop - so at least that cuts the hours available for drinking down at the latter end of the evening. Earlier on, I find mint tea helps, or ginger beer - it doesn't help that it gets dark so early in the winter because it feels as if it's late enough to drink when it's only 4pm! I eat dinner round 9pm and try to make it a rule that I don't start drinking till then if I have been at home all day. Or, if I do :A, I leave a gap between having something at 7pm and 9pm (so I might have a g&t at 7pm but then try to leave it at one drink only till I eat dinner). So there a smaller window of time, ideally only between 9pm and 10.30, during which I drink. That cuts the potential volume down a hell of a lot. It doesn't stop me overdoing it though :rotfl:but I am sure it helps.

Anyway, the reason I am saying all this is that there ARE empty hours during the late afternoon and early evening, especially in the winter when it's dark and cold outside, when the temptation is to kick off with the first drink, and it is useful to find a way of distracting yourself or drinking harmless alternatives, just to avoid getting started early, because at least speaking for myself once I start I don't feel inclined to stop.

Barny1979

20/25 AFDs today

maggiesoup1

Not been a great few days I had decided I was going to have a few drinks towards the end of last week as I had a few things on.... but what surprised me was the astonishing way I fell back into old ways of not stopping when I should have and embarrassingly raiding the back of partner's cupboard for his bottle of port at midnight last night when we got back to his flat.

I've felt so chuffed with myself over the last couple of weeks managing more AF days than I'd had in years but this has made me realise that it will take a long time before I can drink sensibly again.

It's Sunday so tonight will be the start of my AF days again I'm almost looking forward to it

Honey_Bear

It's really interesting listening to everyone's experiences of cutting down and then drinking more than intended. I'm seriously impressed with how much more controlled a lot of people know they are most of the time. It takes practice to be good at anything, and once the awareness is there things are on the up.

I don't know if this is helpful, but one of the things that I remember thinking very clearly in the last few months of drinking was knowing that I felt very, very bouyed up by what I'd had to drink. I knew I wanted more and absolutely knew that what was already in my bloodstream wasn't going away, that I still had to fully absorb the last glass I'd drunk, which meant that I was already waaaaaaay over where I thought I was. That meant stopping right now was a really good idea. Tbh, I can't remember if I ever took my own advice, but it just goes to show that I must have been really aware that I was just about to go over what anyone would regard as an even remotely sensible limit.

24/31 please, Shaggy.

ManPants

Morning Everyone.

Hope you are all feeling clear headed and proud of yourselves for another AF day achieved.

Thank you for all your words of encouragement. I went to my first AA meeting on Thursday. On the way I got lost and almost justified that as a reason not to go; but ploughed on regardless. At the door I had such a surge of fear that it reminded me of my uni finals where 2 seconds before I turned the paper over I could have actually cried physical scared tears (I passed btw!).

Everyone was welcoming and lovely but I felt disassociated from the others in AA which I suspect is my ego kicking in and my own justification that I don't need to go there. I also felt deeply ashamed.
Right at the end I told my story of assaulting my partner which haunts me to my core and sickens me beyond belief. It helped to get it out.
Without that incident happening I would still be drinking, forcing myself to have AF nights 3 or 4 nights a week and making myself believe that I was still in control of drinking as the thought of never being able to drink again is abhorrent to me.
The next day I told my partner about going to AA and went to a friday night meeting. Again, everyone was welcoming and encouraging of my sobriety. I was given some numbers and had a discussion at the end with two of the AA members about different types of alcohol dependency including mine which includes periods of abstinence interspaced with "bingeing", where once started I am unable to stop unless; unconscious, injured or having had a alcohol blackout.

The remainder of the weekend passed with a night out with some friends for dinner. They drank I didn't. I suspect that they know what happened as O.H very close to the female and my drinking soft drinks wasn't questioned whereas normally, myself & the male would sink pints until the cows came home and then move onto wine with dinner. I did tell my O.H in the aftermath of the assault that he probably needed to speak to someone even if they did think badly of me afterwards.

Those of you teetering on the edge of losing control, please don't let it get as far as I did. My life as I know it is hanging together by a thread and I suspect I have to accept that I can't drink ever again.

Have a good weekend everyone! And a dry one if that is what you need to do.

SPS

AF 21/31

debjay

24/31 for tonight please

cathybird

24/31 for me please Shaggy.

I hope no one minds my going on at length about stuff - it's actually really helpful to put it down and reading everyone else's thoughts is very motivating. Not trying to suggest anyone else should tackle it the way I do - it's just about what I find useful.

gien

Declaring AF for me today, so that is now 21/31.

Dizzy_Imp

I am in the bath to avoid opening the wine. Still feeling low and full of self pity. House worries, relationship niggles, family issues, annoying children and financial hardship. Too much of all the above all of the time, and then came up into the bathroom just now to find a section ceiling has fallen down. Sheer weight of spiders seems to be the cause. :eek:

I am reading everyone's posts but not in the right place to offer anything constructive, so keeping shtum. 24/31 please Shaggy. I'm going to do this whole month even if it kills me.