Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

*Robin*

Oh for goodness sake!

Mooloo how much do you know about this BF?

Apart from the fact that they have absolutely no chance of success, the whole idea sounds very shifty to this cynical reader.

Check him out before allowing unsupervised contact with DGD - Sarah's Law:

http://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/police_disclosure_scheme.htm

patanne

Exactly what Robin said. Just think about it. Most new boyfriends want the children out of the way, particularly at first and I have to say that I have no difficulty with that but a newish bf who wants to gain access (yes that is what it would be) to a young girl - run a mile.

candlelight_2013

I thought that too when it was mentioned before, why would a boyfriend want to be saddled with a child not his.

I think he should be looked into carefully.

Candlelightx

thorsoak

Mooloo wrote: »

It's been one of those days!
I took DGD to spend the day at her Mums. (I wish I hadn't).
Then drove back to get to work in time. I was only open 1 minute, and the first job came through the door. Several jobs in, I finally managed to start sewing around 11am!
My lady came to help today, and the shops been transformed, we have a Halloween window now, I made a few trick or treat bags out of hessian and black felt cats.
The Preloved section is fairly full now, and after a quick vacuum I hope it will be open tomorrow.
After work I drove back to collect DGD. She was having some chips, so I stopped for a cuppa. Wished I hadn't. The BF is moving in next month. Then infront of DGD he eventually went on to say he was upset with me for telling Twin1 that she wasn't going to have DGD permanently. I said I didn't believe in telling her lies or giving her false hopes.
He said when he gets up here that they intend to go to court to get DGD.
I told him that if he tried to do that, then I will stop all contact and go to court. ( I had arranged to let DGD go Thurs, stay over, Friday. But now I am really doubting my sanity and my ability too.)
I don't want to upset DGD, or twin1, but I am now hurting too. DGD is my life after all. I would be completely shattered to loose her, or to divide up the family.
What do I do? Am I being selfish? I told him that if he wants a child go have his own!! Then I left.
My heart is aching. I don't want to fight my family, but I do not believe they can give her a better life. I may not be perfect, but I have devoted my world to give her a future, even when in the beginning I doubted my ability. I can't imagine life without her now.

Mooloo - why not pre-empt this? Notify SS that Twin 1 is proposing this - and ask SS to investigate her/them as a couple? The facts that you are still paying her bills (water rates the current one?) and that her flat is still filthy/not fit for DGD to stay would still be taken into consideration!

Savvy_sewing

I must admit, it does seem obvious that social etc wouldn't allow it. It's more all the heartache etc if they try. He does seem determined. Come to think of it, I don't even remember what his surname is. I know social met him in the beginning, he's not a new new BF, he has been around a while, commuting between signing on, and part time work.
I hadn't thought of Sarah's Law.
I am not sure what I can do this week now I agreed DGD could go Thurs and Fri, ( before he came up with his discussion again). It's not the first time it's been mentioned, it was mentioned last year/earlier this year but I thought he had understood and given that one a miss. DGD did mention he wanted to be her Daddy, and I told her, he couldn't be her Daddy as she didn't live with her Mummy, and only visited.
I don't have the luxury of a partner here to help me with the shop etc, and can't expect my new lady to man the fort for me, she's only part time anyway.
I will contact the Social post adoption team ( they deal with guardianships) and ask them to investigate.
I will warn DGD of the in appropriate touch etcetera places today, and ask her some deeper questions about him when she's there.
She certainly doesn't object to him at the moment.
I will see if I can gather some of the Mums help for future needs, and maybe build up the "bank staff to do the shop, or Mummy's to help with care if she's sick again".
Thanks for giving me the opinions. I was feeling guilty that I was being selfish in wanting to keep DGD, and he made me feel I was causing twin1 the hurt by saying no.
Of course it is silly of me to worry, but DGD has been my life for so long now, she feels like my own. Bar a few months between June and September 2009, she has always lived with me from birth.
I was at the birth. ( when Mum clung to me so tightly and my neck was damaged!!).

Thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Time to get DGD up, let her have a bath, and go to the shop. It's only till 12, I have help, so will take her TV with video player that Mattymoo have her, her duvet, and then settle her in the corner of the workshop, and I will sew up there while my new lady mans the downstairs.

pondskater_2

I know you don't have the time but if you were to read back some of your own posts regarding the dreadful conditions that your daughter lives in, the friends she sees fit to associate with and the many times she promised DGD she would have her to stay but let her down, your doubts would vanish. You are her Guardian, guard her! Do what you need to do and let SS take care of the rest.

thorsoak

I've been thinking about you this morning Mooloo - and I do think that Twin 1 has to have a reality check - if you hadn't agreed to guardianship of DGD, Twin 1 would be in exactly the same situation as Twin 2 - and DGD would have been adopted OUT OF THE FAMILY- and she would not have a cat in hell's chance of seeing her - let alone having her stay over!

Also, let's be pragmatic about this - if DGD were to join Twin 1 + bf, she would be a source of income, wouldn't she? CTC, etc, and entitlement to a larger property? At the same time as DGD is getting older, she would be more "useful to Twin 1 - housework/shopping ? No way!

Hope these points help clarify matters in your mind x

candlelight_2013

THORSOAK I wish I could thank you more than once.

I too had been thinking of Mooloo this morning, but I hadn't even got as far as money, but my goodness you have hit the nail on the head. I was just so worried that DGD would not be looked after properly, but hopefully there would be no chance of Twin 1 ever having her.

Mooloo please intervene before Twin 1 and bf have chance to do anything.

Candlelightx

Savvy_Sue

I'm going to take the charitable POV re the boyfriend here.

Let's assume he's a nice lad, but not necessarily the brightest. He may not understand what learning difficulties Twin 1 has, nor what that means, in this case that she doesn't 'learn' / take in / understand what's happened and why.

He hears Twin 1 going on about how she'd like to have DGD with her permanently, she doesn't understand why she can't, it's not fair, she's perfectly capable of looking after her DD especially if lovely boyfriend helps. Going on and on in this vein.

So what's the lad to do? Obviously the best thing would be to say something like "I know you'd love to have her, but she's probably better off with your mum for now, let's work really hard at what needs to happen in order to have more contact."

But if, as I said, he's not the brightest, his response may well be "let's go to court and get her back."

duchy

Saying you'll go to court and actually doing so are entirely different matters. Lots of hurdles to jump which they may not have the will or attention span to see through.

However that said I wouldn't increase access but reducing it and giving the reason as because they want her to live with them -is handing them a stick to beat you with. Be careful Mooloo.