People are funny...

swingaloo

I an understand it. I was married over 20 years then divorced. Ive since met my partner and we have lived together over 10 years quite happily but never married.

I don't feel the need and neither does he but we have discussed it and know it is something we will probably do.

However, I have said that when we do decided to do it, it will be simply make an appointment at the registry office, take a couple of friends to witness then go for a pub lunch afterwards.

No flowers, invited, dress. photographs etc. It will just be for practical reasons and having done the big wedding thing before I want none of it again.

I wont be announcing to everyone that we have married. We have friends who don't know we are not already married and also some of the family suspect that we are already married as we went to Vegas a few years ago and they thought we may have done it there.

I just wouldn't want any of the fuss that goes with arranging a wedding. Its a practicality for us not a reason for a 'do' for everyone else.

Percybridge

margaretclare wrote: »

To my mind, if a couple decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together then that is a good enough reason for getting married. Simple really.

But what was the point of all the secrecy? Why couldn't they tell us? When we got married I wanted to tell the world. It is - or should be - a very happy occasion. Not something to keep secret.

The only explanation I can possibly think of for the secrecy is - could it be all part of the whole Jewish thing about 'marrying out'?

Your brother in law clealy wanted to keep this a secret from you. The cousin knew.
If this was my brother I would be asking myself what I had done that he could not tell me, but wanted to tell a cousin.
He may have felt that either you or your OH would be judgemental/have something to say/tell him how he should "feel".
It may be nothing to do with inheritance laws but more about he could not be bothered with your reaction and could not be bothered with having to explain himself about how he should "feel".
He may not have liked the idea of you coming on a public forum and telling everyone how "funny" he was?
Instead of thinking "how funny HE was" I would be thinking "how funny I must be that he could not tell me"

mumps

Percybridge wrote: »

Instead of thinking "how funny HE was" I would be thinking "how funny I must be that he could not tell me"

I was thinking the same, glad I wasn't the only one, thought I might be being paranoid.

My sister and bil got married without telling anyone, they asked two people on the street to act as witnesses but she did tell us afterwards. A friend of mine did the same. I think it is quite common with older couples/second marriages. I didn't even want the fuss as a 17 year old marrying for the first time. We are all different.

maman

Sounds to me like you're a bit miffed OP but , briefly, it's their life and their choice I suppose.

swingaloo, DH and I married in a register office with two witnesses and then a meal for the four of us at a favourite restaurant. We told everyone afterwards. We just didn't want a big fuss and hassle over who to invite etc. BUT I would recommend a new dress!;):D