So much to do, how can I stop being overwhelmed?

caz58_2

Joining in a bit late to say that I had a light-bulb moment three or four years ago when I stopped telling myself "If a job's worth doing it's worth doing well" and turned to "If a job's worth doing it's worth getting started on and doing what I can in the time I have now". This was when our large garden shed had got into such horrendous disorder that I couldn't get into it and was actually throwing tools back in on top of a mound of lawnmowers, wheel barrows, stakes etc because I couldn't get past the door! I'd put off sorting it out for over a year because I didn't have time to do it properly... Having made the decision, I made quite a lot of headway in a couple of hours. The shed still is never tidy (nor is any of the house) but I know there is a point in getting going and making a little bit of difference and this can be rewarding.

Emm-in-a-pickle

I`m not the best person to talk about `being organised` - but I`m better than I used to be.
My home teeters on the brink of chaos quite often, but now at least it`s possible to retrieve Living Room and Kitchen to acceptable level with half an hour putting my mind to it!
LISTS -
To me, list-writing is a form of procrastination (Unless it`s to remind you of stuff you`re likely to genuinely forget.)
Worse, long task lists of big jobs are off-putting.
BASICS-
Decide what your absolute basics are, and this should not require any lists, and do those first. Mine are clear sink & drainer, clear-ish worktops. Then it`s LR - clear sofa, mantelpiece, check (washable) floor rugs & shake outside &/or replace with clean ones. Rubber broom laminate floor if visible clumps of dog-hair/dust buffaloes.
Thats my Very Basic bit. Once these are done, I may (or not) feel motivated to do more (shifts etc permitting) but at least I can then cook us a meal later, and sit down in LR or even let a chance visitor in.
TIMER-
As others have said, breaking tasks down into small bites is very effective and motivating, and it always surprises me how much I can get done in 20-minute bursts, whatever the tasks.
I`ve used the timer too with trying to organise 14-yr-old grand-daughter to tidy parts of her room.

As for getting the whole household on board - good luck with that. I haven`t found any solution that works on my DS!

Uniscots97

You mentioned organising the kids with their homework. What we did with SS was make sure that he did his homework before watching any tv etc. But what we also did was not only chat to him about what he wanted to work as but also what did he want out of life within the next 5 years (his answer was a nice car, the means to run it as he wanted, money to spend on nights out or cinema etc). Making them realise that exams can help their chosen career (if they're up for it and you are, and if they're old enough a Saturday job might help them get into a routine, have their own money and make them appreciate just what you do......my Mum arranged for me to work as a chambermaid for a summer.....it was one of the physically hardest jobs I've ever done but made me appreciate how hard work could be and how hard house-keeping could be as well).

Gr33ng1ng3r

I have a friend with a teenage daughter who did just enough to keep herself out of trouble. Her mum however was horrified so spoke to the head of year and had her daughter put on report! This has worked so well for the mum as she has to check her homework every night and sign the homework diary but the teaching staff have to report on the daughter after each lesson! My friend is so pleased she has asked the school to keep her on report for another term until the habits the daughter has had to develop become second nature. I'm not recommending this but it shows how desperate some parents become!

With my own they were both fairly motivated at school so it wasn't a problem for me but keeping tidy OMG! Eventually I left the bedrooms to them but insisted on them doing all their own washing,ironing etc. Eventually we found a system that worked for both parties but I had to bite my lips many times before that happened. Actually now both in their 20s they are pretty good.

YORKSHIRELASS

I can understand the reasoning behind letting the kids live in a pigsty if they want to. I just find this really hard, its my home and we spent a lot of money redecorating and recarpeting their rooms so I dont think its unreasonable to expect them to look after what they have got.

However I also know that its a case of picking your battles with teenagers, whatever the circumstances!!

So on the basis of doing a little and often I am going to spend half an hour now putting the rest of the ironing away!

Magpye

In all honesty, I've struggled with housekeeping on and off for a few years now for various reasons (messy husband, depression, exhaustion, general laziness) and the only system which works for me is Unf%%% Your Habitat. (obvious warning for fruity language, if you choose to Google.)

The system is based on 20/10 split of work and rest, no marathons, and the slogan "excuses are boring". The nice thing is the Tumblr community which lets you see how other people are coping, and the iPhone/Android app, which has a built in timer and priority list.

Most difficult for me was accepting that cleaning is not on my husband's list of priorities, so I either had to nag him into submission (oh so many fights) or let it go and just do the cleaning myself, if it was important to me. Since I did that, he gets a few small tasks a week, I'm at maintenance stage with cleaning (not panicking when people tell me they're coming for coffee with a few hours notice!) and we're both happier because we're not resentfully fighting our instincts. It sounds terribly corny, but it changed my life.

yellowbear

I'm subscribing too.

My problems are a lack of motivation and procrastination.
Last night I sat down to do some filing. It suddenly became very important that I find an essay that I had written last year.
I knew what I was doing - I even had an argument with myself while I was doing it!
Needless to say, I couldn't find the essay and the filing didn't get done!

Magpye - I have Unf**k your habitat on my phone!

YORKSHIRELASS

Magpye wrote: »

Most difficult for me was accepting that cleaning is not on my husband's list of priorities, so I either had to nag him into submission (oh so many fights) or let it go and just do the cleaning myself, if it was important to me. Since I did that we're both happier because we're not resentfully fighting our instincts. It sounds terribly corny, but it changed my life.

This is interesting. OH and I have different standards, always have a guess but nowadays we seem to be pulling further apart in our attitude to domestic stuff. OH doesnt care if the house is a tip, whereas it really matters to me and makes me unhappy. Its really affecting me at the moment and I cant see the solution.

Its silly little things that grate. Last night we went out and hubby draped his coat over a chair in the kitchen when we came in. The coat will stay there until either I put it away or he needs to wear it again. He genuinely will not notice that the coat is there when he gets up this morning whereas I can see it every time I walk through the kitchen.

I probably would be happy if he just kept his own stuff tidy and if we agreed on a few set tasks for him and the kids. I actually dont mind doing a bit of cleaning so long as I dont feel like an unpaid servant.

dandy-candy

yellowbear wrote: »

Last night I sat down to do some filing. It suddenly became very important that I find an essay that I had written last year.

This is something I do too. 2 nights ago I pulled out the bed linen to separate single and double bedding, and put all the king size in the attic (we switched from a king size to double bed). Half way through it I thought I would pull out the spare tablecloths too and keep 2, and put the rest in the attic with sheets. I had heaps of stuff on the floor and I felt knackered so just piled it to one side and there its sat for 2 days.....
I will put it away today, but this getting distracted before finishing one job is very typical of me. HOWEVER, new year - new leaf, I hope!

Pitlanepiglet

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

This is interesting. OH and I have different standards, always have a guess but nowadays we seem to be pulling further apart in our attitude to domestic stuff. OH doesnt care if the house is a tip, whereas it really matters to me and makes me unhappy. Its really affecting me at the moment and I cant see the solution.

Just wanted to add some sympathy for you. I have a similar issue, I've been trying desperately to get on top of things both by way of clutter, dirt and living frugally for the future. My OH doesn't work, so at the start of November I asked him to finish off work on the house that had been started and to clean the house for Christmas, making it clear that it mattered to be and that, like you, I didn't want to live in a mess. He's done very little and where he says he has done stuff, either he hasn't or it's been done very badly. I haven't been expecting him to clear hoarded stuff, I did that earlier in the year, it is just basic cleaning and tidying.

I work long hours and spend two hours each day commuting and I could really have done without having to do the cleaning and sorting on top of this.

I'm not sure what the answer is? I've ignored it for years which I guess hasn't helped but I am reaching the point where I feel very unsupported and I can't see a solution.

>>Hugs<<