So much to do, how can I stop being overwhelmed?

bluebag

Ah, I am not commenting much on this thread as I have been losing this battle for years. I win the odd skirmish, but generally I am on the losing side. LOL.

I seem to have reached a balance of hygienic chaos.No overdraft or credit cards and fairly healthy eating habits.

It will have to do.

Gingernutty

At the risk of sounding like one of those self help manuals.....

How do you eat an elephant? One small bite at a time.

Little bits and pieces over time make as big a difference as single huge efforts.

Consolidating the paperwork by taking it out of the envelopes and sorting into rough piles first - Gas, electric, water, credit cards etc, sorting one drawer, clearing one square foot somewhere.

Then when you look back on it you won't think

"Gawd, that took aaaaaages" but

"That wasn't too bad, I can do something else again tomorrow".

Little and often.

dandy-candy

Thanks for all the great advice so far!

sonastin the attic and garage only made the top of the list as I've been putting them off for years! Having a clear of the garage would be useful so I could put a extra freezer in it. At the moment it's full of car boot bargains I didn't actually need, and other oddities I've hoarded.

Thx babyshoes for advice on freezing. We don't have a microwave so I will get the tinfoil trays and go for saucy foods.

DH has said that once term begins, when the kids get in from school I should give them tea straight away then make them do an hour revision/homework at the table. They are usually knackered at the end of school (DD has an hour journey home on bus and tube) so I do feel guilty not giving them a bit of relaxation time first. How do others arrange homework/study time?

JG sent me some great lists written as charts, I'm definitely going to make my own ones (ty JG) and ease into it. I know depression isn't something really mentioned on the OS board, but I really can lose days to it so having some sort of plan helps to motivate me even if I don't do everything on the rota!

Please keep ideas coming, I really want 2014 to be the year I make a positive change in my life! X

lobbyludd

my kids are younger than yours, so pinch of salt, but if dd has been on the tube/train for an hour - what is she doing during that time? if she's listening to music/chatting to friends then she's been relaxing. or she could start her homework during that time?

Mine go to a childminder from end of school to 6. I feed them at 6.30/7, and they do homework/chores whilst I make tea and get some of my house jobs done. With mine I have to get the "need to" things out of the way before relaxing, as soon as they walk through the door, it's really hard to shift them out of relaxation mode and back into "doing" and then back down to "sleeping".

and remember that quite a lot of school/college IS down-time/chatting with friends/etc.

I think a snack when they get home (which they can get themselves.....) followed by homework and chores, then tea, then relaxing prior to bed, but the stuff of life has to be done before we earn our relaxation.

Broomstick

My two young adult sons, still living at home, are very good at helping and have been encouraged to do so ever since they were tiny - I couldn't have coped without their co-operation, although we do still have disagreements from time to time - who doesn't? .

Things I have found helpful are:

1) The idea that they are not helping me - it's not my job to do the house - we are all helping the household.

2) It's much easier for everyone (me included) if we find times when we all clean and tidy together. I want to make this happen much more often because it's motivating and it's sociable. Things happen at three times the speed with three of us working in parallel and it doesn't feel as if one person is doing more than the others so resentment doesn't build up.

3) They've been responsible for their laundry since they were young teenagers, although I've helped out in emergencies. However, cleaning your own room and doing your own washing and ironing does not count as contributing towards helping the main part of the household function - it's extra to it!

4) The tidier spaces are, the easier it is to see the cleaning up that needs to be done. This seems like a massive project but actually is a useful long-term goal for us because it's visually very obvious.

We all agreed over Christmas that we are going to try to clear completely all the work surfaces in the kitchen so that the only things out on them are the kettle and breadmaker, the only thing on the draining board is the rack, and the only things on the windowsill are the washing up brushes and liquid (and maybe a candle in winter and wild flowers or a basil plant in summer ). Absolutely everything else is put away. We all reckon this will make clearing up very simple because we'll know what is mess! That's the theory anyway... ask me if it's working in a few weeks' time!

We've been getting the kitchen to this stage over Christmas - maybe 15 mins a day. Babysteps do work. Small goals: one surface, one shelf, or whatever, each day mean that you can actually achieve them and that sense of achievement is motivating too.

B x

Ps. And I race the kettle and the adverts as well!

whiteguineapig

i find it helps to keep looking back and reminding yourself what you have achieved,
keep trying to move foreward

JoeyGrey

I'm trying a version of the Flylady method of 15 minute segments too - 15 minutes on, 15 minutes off.


So I have a list of things I need to achieve today and I pick one and spend 15 minutes doing it. Then I can sit at my laptop, have a nice cuppa, or try the crossword for 15 minutes. Then another 15 minutes either on the same task or another from my list.


So far today I've got more errands completed than I've done in the last 3 months


Good luck with your list - before you know it you'll be on the last item, (but will have added another 10 on to the end ), and will have that nice smug feeling of being in control.

busiscoming2

My advice would be not to try and do everything at once.

Sort the food out first, that will make you feel healthier and more ready to tackle the jobs that need doing. Could you and DH perhaps start exercising by taking an evening walk?

Beds - Change them on set days. In my house, Friday is our Kingsize bed and Tuesday is DS2's bed. I do have to badger him a bit to do it, but I now just leave him to it. It's his choice to sleep in a dirty bed!

Towels - I change them all on a Monday.

I don't know how this fits in with your work but I find if I am far more motivated to clean first thing in the morning. If I wait until later it tends to get left.

If you have unwanted saleable bits/clothes etc and are on Facebook, have a look for a local selling page or online bootfair. This may motivate your teens to get rid of stuff as well if they can make some money.

I'd leave the Garage and Attic until the good weather and then maybe have a garage sale if you have enough bits and pieces to sell.

Getting kids to do homework and revising sufficiently - If you find a way, let me know

YORKSHIRELASS

Some really good advice here. A tip a friend gave me that I use with my kids is to ask them to do things by leaving notes. As my friend says you cant argue with a note, and a post it note stuck on a pile of clothes saying please can you pick these up always gets results here.

Someone hit the nail on the head though by making the point that housework is not just Mums job - it should be shared. This is the problem I have with OH and the kids, since I went back to work they still expect me to do all the housework and I just dont know how to change things.

I dont want them just help me now and again - I want us to share the workload!

strandedinaber

bossymoo wrote: »

One particularly stubborn day, I thought I'd just sit down and whenever they asked me for something I just said "no thanks, I'm having a NO day". I kept this up for about an hour, by which time they were almost begging me to get them dressed Now if they start being "antsy" I just say "oh, are we having a no day?" :rotfl:

Added to the list of "strategies to use if I ever have kids" :rotfl: Sounds fantastic!

My suggestion for dealing with all the stuff you want to do would be to prioritise, dandy-candy. You've identified four new habits that you want to form, maybe along with your OH (exercising, menu planning, cleaning and batch cooking) and two habits that you want to help your kids form (tidying and homework), as well as your one-off tasks of decluttering the attic and garage. I wouldn't count the losing weight as a task in and of itself. That will come with the exercising and healthy eating so that's one thing struck off your list already

The easiest way to form habits is to set aside specific times to carry them out, like others have already suggested - choosing a day when the beds will be changed. I do my menu planning the same time each week and set an alarm to remind me - I've found I actually quite enjoy sitting down for half an hour with a cup of tea and some cookbooks. You might find the same with exercising, by attending classes at the same time each week or setting aside an hour one evening to jump around to an exercise DVD or go for a run, whatever's your preference.

It takes a while to form habits though, so you may find that it's best just to focus on one of these for a month and then prioritise the next one. Doesn't mean you can't exercise even if January is menu-planning month, but give yourself permission to miss a session if you're not feeling like it that day We only have a limited amount of willpower each day so the best way to sustain your new priorities is to figure out where you're gonna apply your willpower until you don't need to apply it as much any more (i.e. it has become a habit).

(Guess who has spent way too long reading books on habits over the past few weeks and fails miserably at practising what she preaches...)