I need opinions again please?

Jobseeeker

mountainofdebt wrote: »

whilst I can understand your sentiment, I think if someone gave me back a present to me, either directly or indirectly, it would have hurt me.

I actually agree with this I would wait until son or wife's birthday/anniversary to give supermarket vouchers with their present. So that its a separate gift not a rejection of their gift.

mgdavid

... borrow their car and fill the tank up perhaps?

coolcait

How do you return a gift which was given with love and appreciation?

I suppose the best way is to return the love and appreciation. Not the monetary value of the gift.

So, next time your son and or DIL do something which annoys you, remember the moment they gave you the gift, and suck up the annoyance.

Repeat as often as necessary

On some levels, you could argue that my dear children are still part of my life because there have been many moments when I have remembered the wonky mug trees, keyrings, and cards that they have given me as presents over the years. And have forgiven them their trespasses :cool::rotfl::o

Your son and DIL are adults. Adults budget for their Christma spends in their own ways.

I think that it would be very difficult to reimburse them in a monetary way, because - apart from seeming ungrateful - it could come across as a criticism of their budgetting skills.

Personally, I would accept the present in the spirit that it was given. Sometimes, the hardest part of being a mum is forcing yourself to step back, and let your children pamper you in the way that they want to.

Merry Christmas to you and to all.

Seanymph

Happy Christmas meritaten - thank you for your words on this forum over the time...

I'm with the 'accept graciously' camp too.

This is the first year that mine were old enough to have spend a lot of time and thought on everyone, and their joy in the 'giving' of it has been lovely to see (although they had to do that before they went to canada to spend christmas with the horrid ex)....

No.1 side and his partner may have gone without something, or saved, or done overtime - but whatever they have done they have done it for the pleasure of giving it to you in gratitude for your presence in their life.

Smile, thank them, and tell them what you've spent it on - and that needs to be something for entirely yourself.

Let them enjoy this giving we do at this time of year.

bluebag

meritaten wrote: »

we have had a lovely Christmas day - we did realise later, there wasn't a present from No1 son but had a lovely gift each from their son (the grandson I mind) but were handed a card from No1 son and his wife.
We only opened it this evening, but inside was £40. It may not sound a lot to some people, but we know how they struggle. they are both working but for low wages. We feel this is way too much.
Son would be insulted if we just gave it back to them - but, I know that this is way more than they can afford.
any ideas on how we can get most or all of it back to them without them feeling slighted?

Maybe, they are not on good money but they have saved to be able to give you a treat at Christmas. They clearly think a lot of you and want to be able to show that in some way.

Don't deprive them of their moment of happiness. Giving to someone from your need and not your surplus, whatever the gift is an expression of true love.

You give it them back by telling them what you treated yourself to and how much joy that treat gave you and how very special their gift was.

DigForVictory

My pitch black sense of humour has bubbled up 'put it towards your funeral'.

Which is the maybe kindest use of something you will eventually (may be it ages away!) need & which if you've got it sorted saves them a great deal of wondering & distress.

Or blue it on school shoes for grandchildren. Just as needful, just as tricky to budget for.

mummyroysof3

Don't try to give it back. You could always use it to take them out or the grandchildren or something like that but don't tell them you used that money to pay. What if they ask what you spent it on? If you haven't bought yourself something they may be upset

January20

I just want to say I wholeheartedly agree with Coolcait and Seanymph (posts 14 and 15). Coolcait, particularly, makes some very good points!

ERICS_MUM

I think the supermarket gift card (especially if you "win" it) is a good idea if you think they really are finding it difficult to cope financially.

peachyprice

I would accept it gracefully and save it to spend on clothes or shoes for their son later in the year.

Giving them a gift card for the same or near the same value, even if you lie about 'winning' it is so obviously a slap in the face to them when all they wanted to do was something nice for you and seems so ungrateful.