I need opinions again please?

meritaten

we have had a lovely Christmas day - we did realise later, there wasn't a present from No1 son but had a lovely gift each from their son (the grandson I mind) but were handed a card from No1 son and his wife.
We only opened it this evening, but inside was £40. It may not sound a lot to some people, but we know how they struggle. they are both working but for low wages. We feel this is way too much.
Son would be insulted if we just gave it back to them - but, I know that this is way more than they can afford.
any ideas on how we can get most or all of it back to them without them feeling slighted?

paulineb_2

Take them for a meal, buy them a Groupon voucher or similar. A gesture without it being obvious that you want to return the cash.

wik

Merry Christmas Meritaten,

What about a supermarket shopping card,

Last year, I was given a card for shopping at Mr T, at the time I was a bit strapped for cash, and it was very handy thing to be given.

Could you give the one and tell them that you won it in a prize draw and wanted to share it?
wik x

paulineb_2

Or a hamper, something you could make up yourself. I'd wait a few weeks though. So that it's not so obvious you want to do something in return straight away.

meritaten

wik wrote: »

Merry Christmas Meritaten,

What about a supermarket shopping card,

Last year, I was given a card for shopping at Mr T, at the time I was a bit strapped for cash, and it was very handy thing to be given.

Could you give the one and tell them that you won it in a prize draw and wanted to share it?
wik x

That's a thought! good idea. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!:) I know they shop at Adsa - and I have to go tomorrow to return something. I could get a gift card then.

mountainofdebt

whilst I can understand your sentiment, I think if someone gave me back a present to me, either directly or indirectly, it would have hurt me.

what about next year agreeing a limit to presents?

As I keeping telling my mum its not what you get each other for christmas, its what you do for each other the other 364 days that matter more

MrsAtobe

The next time you go out for a family meal, could you arrange to pay for them, or their drinks?

fabforty

I would accept it with the intention that it was given, and not try to compensate them for it in other ways. They might have saved a little each week or month, they might have come into a little extra (found a tenner, sold something, gone without something). Even if they have decided to sacrifice something in order to give you that money, that is a choice that they have made and giving it back (even in a round about way, such as buying a gift card) would be obvious and hurtful. No real different to just giving them back the cash that they gave to you.

itsanne

Merry Christmas, meritaten. It's great you had a lovely day - so did we. I don't think you can be too obvious in returning some of the money without offending them, so it might be worth waiting a little while. How about cooking extra a few times and finding you have no room in the freezer so you'd like them to use up the excess? That would be fairly low key but useful. In the meantime, bask in the thought that you are appreciated!

Spendless

My Nan has done a similar thing to me, but she's paid me for having her for Christmas dinner.

She has dementia and a *thing* about paying her way and refusing would possibly cause an issue when we are all at my Mums later this week as Nan may refuse to eat there unless she feels has contributed to her meal.

I don't want the £20 she gave me though, so I've told my Mum what she's done and have decided to share it out amongst mine and my sister's kids giving the Great-Grandkids who are aged 10-13 £5 each.

What about keeping the money to one side and using it when they have an additional cost coming in eg Grandchild needs new shoes or coat or has a school trip and offerring to pay for it.

That's 'returning' the money without them being aware.

meritaten

itsanne wrote: »

Merry Christmas, meritaten. It's great you had a lovely day - so did we. I don't think you can be too obvious in returning some of the money without offending them, so it might be worth waiting a little while. How about cooking extra a few times and finding you have no room in the freezer so you'd like them to use up the excess? That would be fairly low key but useful. In the meantime, bask in the thought that you are appreciated!

I do that anyway - I make way too much curry or stew etc and ask them if they can use it as I haven't room in freezer. They are lovely couple and I know exactly how much they earn as my OH works for same company my son does and I know DIL is on minimum wage.
I really don't want to offend them - but feel that they have given us too much - esp as they contributed to a joint 'kids' pressie to thank us both for Christmas lunch! I also find that a bit embarrassing. the kids all got us a £25 National Gardens voucher as a thank you for cooking lunch.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but I don't want it!
It is my pleasure to treat them all to Christmas dinner! I don't want paying for it!