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Dilemma
Comments
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Looking back I wish I'd just told our child, the father didn't want them to know.
It's the fact that my child is going to know that I've always know that I'm well aware that I'm going to have some explaining to do. The other thing is, when they time comes and I've got to come clean, so as to speak, how far do I go, after all I have an address from years ago of where he lived, do I give that or again deny any knowledge of knowing where he is? I do feel that this is something the father should be sorting, it's like I'm cleaning up his mess yet again.
You're not cleaning up his mess... you are dealing with the fallout of living a lie (that you agreed to) rather than just telling your son the truth as soon as he could understand.
Of course he will want to know why you haven't told him sooner - that would be the first question I had if my mum had sprung something like this on me.
He is an adult - give him everything you have about his sibling and then let him make up his own mind.
To ease the blow, maybe say that you were waiting for him to be old enough to handle the truth and apologise if he feels that you should have done it sooner but that you were only trying to do the right thing.
This is his family - his half brother - in years to come they could become really close. Would you deny him that chance?:hello:0 -
I'd never deny my child the right to have a relationship with their half sibling, in fact I have a sneaking feeling that there's a hell of a chance that it's going to be my child that goes looking for the other one.
A few years ago my x promised our child that they'd meet, after many promises and let downs my child announced that as far as they're concerned they no longer have a father. I find this so sad, I had such a wonderful relationship with my own father, it's been nearly three years since he died and I still miss him so much.0 -
My 17 year old occasionally wonders whether his birth father has had any more children. He looked for his father and relatives on facebook to have a nosey but couldn't find any of them. The reality is though, that he could write and ask his grandparents outright, or call them - and they would tell him. He hasn't done that, and hasn't asked me to.
Perhaps, like mine, yours is just idly curious. I'd tell him, I think, and apologise for keeping it from him but it wasn't your 'secret' to tell and his father hadn't wanted you to tell him. He might not want to take it any further than that, but if he does then just be there for him.52% tight0 -
It's the fact that my child is going to know that I've always know that I'm well aware that I'm going to have some explaining to do.
better to bring it up now - it is always possible they may meet in the future. imagine if they were working in the same department, in the same social group or in the same sports team and slowly made the connection.
it can and does happen.Dogs return to eat their vomit, just as fools repeat their foolishness. There is no more hope for a fool than for someone who says, "i am really clever!"0 -
Looking back I wish I'd just told our child, the father didn't want them to know.
It's the fact that my child is going to know that I've always know that I'm well aware that I'm going to have some explaining to do. The other thing is, when they time comes and I've got to come clean, so as to speak, how far do I go, after all I have an address from years ago of where he lived, do I give that or again deny any knowledge of knowing where he is? I do feel that this is something the father should be sorting, it's like I'm cleaning up his mess yet again.
I think you should definitely tell your child since they've specifically asked. I'm not sure if your child should go looking, even when that child is 18, l think it should be upto the other child but others may disagree. What l mean to say is how has this other child been brought up, do they have a dad around, do they know that dad isn't their real dad?
You don't want your child opening a can of worms.
Happy moneysaving all.0 -
He asked me not to tell our child about the other baby, at the time, with all the stress I agreed, looking back I wish I hadn't. Now our child is 18, the other one that is my child's half brother is 15 nearly 16. And still my child knows nothing of this half brother, as the years rolled on it just never seemed the time to talk about it, each year the subject just seemed further away. You could say I buried my head in the sand about him, in no time at all he'll be 18 and could well come looking.
I told the x a few years ago that he owed to our child to tell them they had a half brother but he wouldnt, I've never heard from the x for a couple of years now, neither has our child, in fact that's caused a lot of anger because they've just about jumped through hoops to have contact with " father" . I wouldn't use the term dad because he's not one as far as I can see.
Only today they said they've often wondered if x had any more children, I nearly choked on the coffee I was drinking.I'd never deny my child the right to have a relationship with their half sibling, in fact I have a sneaking feeling that there's a hell of a chance that it's going to be my child that goes looking for the other one.
A few years ago my x promised our child that they'd meet, after many promises and let downs my child announced that as far as they're concerned they no longer have a father. I find this so sad, I had such a wonderful relationship with my own father, it's been nearly three years since he died and I still miss him so much.
OK - now I'm really confused, you say in your first post that you've never told your son about his sibling BUT then in another post you say your ex 'promised our child that they'd meet'.
Either way, you were the resident parent and could have chosen to talk him through things much sooner. He has a right to know.:hello:0 -
building_with_lego wrote: »"You know the other day, when you asked whether your father had had any more children? Well, I didn't quite know how to broach the subject with you but...."
This ^ ^
Your child has brought the subject up. You just have to explain the reasons why. Your child will understand even if it takes a little time.0 -
These things always come out sooner or later. It's better he hears it from you rather than his so-called father.0
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building_with_lego wrote: »"You know the other day, when you asked whether your father had had any more children? Well, I didn't quite know how to broach the subject with you but...."
This is perfect. At the end I would add "Sorry if you think I should have told you sooner. I was just doing what I thought was best at the time."0 -
Tiddlywinks wrote: »OK - now I'm really confused, you say in your first post that you've never told your son about his sibling BUT then in another post you say your ex 'promised our child that they'd meet'.
Either way, you were the resident parent and could have chosen to talk him through things much sooner. He has a right to know.
Sorry, what I meant was my x promised that he'd meet with our child, I had hoped it would be a chance for him to explain about the half brother
I think I'm going to have to have to somehow sort this out after Xmas.0
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