Am I being to tight??? - Christmas Pressie help

Arthien

lobbyludd wrote: »

so can I suggest - for those of you who say "nothing" but in turn get those people gifts - that you instead say something you want, within a price range that won't embarrass you or them (ie. for a very small amount), for something incredibly practical if necessary - this is a nice thing to do. If someone asks what you want they are doing it for a reason - they want to get you something useful that you'll like and they don't want to spend hours trying desperately to think of something only to get an unappreciated thing or spend way more than they would usually would. With the best will in the world we don't all have unlimited time or perfect present-choosing skills.

this year I have asked for a fruit plant, new scissors etc, in plenty of time so that they can get a good deal/buy on the internet/exchange when we see them (so as not to incur postage costs). If people want to augment that, I thank them heartily, but I know by giving them the idea this I am relieving them of that blank list burden, and allowing them to get some joy out of the giving, rather than a heart-sink " there's still X to find something for"...

My DH does this! Every year I and his family ask him if there's anything he'd particularly like and he always just says 'no not really' or 'I don't mind'. I get that it's partly because he doesn't want to ask for something outright as it feels rude, and partly because he prefers a surprise, and also because he genuinely is happy just as he is and doesn't feel that he needs anything extra. But we'd all like to get him something that he actually would appreciate, rather than something he may or may not like, so a few suggestions or a bit of generally guidance in the right direction would be good!

As it is, I've been bargain hunting since September and I reckon I've got about £200 worth of goodies that he will love for less than £100, and fortunately they've mostly been paid for with survey vouchers, but it's taken a lot more time and effort than it would have if he'd just said, "I'd like a DVD and some shortbread please". I know where he gets it from though, we still haven't got anything for his mum as she's so difficult to buy for, and wont give us any ideas, and it feels awkward to give her nothing if everyone else has presents to open.

I definitely agree with everyone else on the overall cost of presents, I've spent about £20 on each parent and my brother, and about £4 on a framed wedding photo for my grandparents. It's just not worth spending more than that, and it starts to make the recipient feel guilty as well. Also, I enjoy treating my DH at Christmas at the moment, but I know for sure that this total will come right down when we have kids. £100 for every member of the family is a ridiculous idea whichever way you look at it!

Violetta_2

Reminds me of the Oscar Wilde quote (what is a cynic)-A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. It's very easy to throw money around (or it can be for some IYKWIM) similar to the type of person who turns their nose up at a homemade gift that someone has thoughtfully spent hours making.

balletshoes

agreenmess wrote: »

Hello all,

I'm just really looking to see what everyone else does. Me and my sister were nattering yesterday and well the price of presents came up and I said I only spend £20 per person (this is the same for birthdays) well the look I got!! I felt well awful apparently if I don't spend something in the margin of £100 per person I'm being stingy.

I just don’t have the money for that at all, especially as me and the other half are saving for a house, and well I love looking for that perfect item which fits within my price barrier, it can be really fun.

Now I just feel really upset and worried, whenever asked what I want I say nothing and really feel Christmas is about spending time with your family and appreciating what you have not how much your spending on each other., I already feel really guilty when given expensive presents when I ask for nothing, I dread Christmas day at the best of times these days.

Anyway before this gets too long am I being stingy? What is everyone’s normal spend?? I know it's too late for this year but at least I know if I need to save more than I am.

Many Thanks

your sister might think i'm really really really stingy then - because apart from my mum and my OH, no adult gets a xmas or birthday pressie from me . My maximum spend for them is £30 each, often its less.

I don't really have a budget for my daughter (she's 12) but I rarely go over £200 for her xmas or birthday, again, often its less (its £100 this xmas, and was £50 for her birthday this year).

all the other kids in my family (nieces and nephews) get around £25 each for birthdays and xmas.

in my opinion, its not about the amount you spend on pressies for your nearest and dearest, its the thought that goes into them.

We've had an agreement between us adult siblings for years that we don't buy each other pressies.

itzmee

I don't bother buying for extended family as there's far too many of us. The two kids each have a £200(ish) budget, £30-£40 for each set of parents and that's it. We stopped family gifts when we were literally swapping same value vouchers - it really was pointless! DH and I don't bother buying for each other. We'd rather use the money to put towards nice food and drink for the festive period and then splash out throughout the year on other things we really want. We do buy birthday presents though and it's his 50th next month so I have arranged a London theatre break for us.

MrsE_2

itzmee wrote: »

We stopped family gifts when we were literally swapping same value vouchers - it really was pointless!

My thoughts exactly.

Lequirk_2

Can you recall what your sister bought you last christmas? Was it really worth £100. i don't think you are stingy at all, keep to your intentions of spending what you can afford and doing so with love and thoughtfulness for the recipients likes/hobbies etc.

hcb42

We dont buy a lot of family at all, large family on DH side, sis and bro in law on mine.

We buy two adult children approx £100 each and grand kids about £20 each (x 7)

We spend about £100 on my sis and bro in law combined..

We either spend a fortune or nothing on each other, depends on what we want, but have always split up in town and hunted down stocking filler gifts to wrap (but this year I got him a new laptop - £500)

mum2one

for me
This Year-
Daughter - £200 but usually get a main present and go halves with my parents

Parents -off daughter £25 each for mum and dad
- off me £40 each
- Joint £120 (dvd player and coffee machine)

Close friends - £30

Other friends - £10

Presents off DD - £5

Those are the budgets - this yr excluding parents and DD spends - my est budget for Christmas -£610 but I brought it in at £367 got a lot of sale items, Jan sales and throughout the year, proper price would have been £1400.

(the budget is for the household, as some people buy from my parents, me and DD), x

Rainbowchild

Op I think £20 is generous. Like other replies its more about what you give not the cost. My mum is very poorly in hospital atm and a colleague gave me today a 50p plant for her room in a new nursing home for when she hopefully is well enough to move. It was so thoughtful ans sweet of her. Me and my hubby spend a small amount £10-£20 on each other and things we use/need like bubble bath, slippers etc. Good luck with your savings towards a house.

agreenmess

WoW thank you all for the reply's I didn't realise it would get so many or that it would get moved lol.

I'm glad to know that I'm being realistic in my pricings, my sister tends to get me and the other half "vouchers" and has since we turned into a couple seven years ago, the same vouchers every year even though I tell her constantly from at least August onwards that we don’t want anything because I know she spends more on the vouchers than we will ever do on her.

It upsets me tremendously and she knows this!!

My other sister probably spends the same amount as me but its on stuff that we dont want that clutters the home. Again I ask her to get us nothing! I don't understand why people see the need to give a present over. We should be glad we are all together and spend the time being greatful that we are here and that we are healthy not how much something is!

Next year everyone is going to get something handmade, probably a jam and something else, I might even see if I can swing it that we don’t spend Christmas with my parents, that will solve the whole Christmas present opening!

Thanks again