Am I being to tight??? - Christmas Pressie help

cazpumpkin

Theres me, my husband and our 3 teenage/grown up kids. I still buy for the 3 "kids" any amount I fancy but I pay cash as I go and don't care if its 20 quid or 200 as long as I don't pay with plastic. Me and husband have never got the present buying thing quite right, we have had years when we bought the wrong stuff or spent too much or too little.


This year as we are both fairly skint we said we wouldn't buy each other presents. It was a bit odd thinking I wasn't going to get a present from my OH but after a while I didn't mind and also it was a relief not trying to think what to get him as he thinks everything in the shops is just tat. I usually ended up buying him socks again. Yesterday he lets slip he has bought me a £50 bottle of 50ml of Mitsouko by Guerlain , one of my fav perfumes and getting harder to find ( thank you House of Frazer). This is great except im flat broke , hate shopping at the last minute and might be able to rustle up £40 max next Saturday but im tempted to get him nothing , well maybe a large box of maltesers for £3 . We only buy for our nuclear family and boyfriends/girflfriends of the kids get a £5 tin of roses or quality street. We don't do extended family, not parents, brothers, sisters nobody. The kids buy each other presents and us/their parents but that's down to them, theyre on good wages mostly and paying minimal rent at home. My husband and I don't want to get into debt, we just don't see the point of gift giving outside of the immediate family and fro the last few years have only sent really nice large xmas cards instead. If we were forced to buy a present it would always be a £5 tin of quality street and nothing else. So don't feel bad. I would buy your sister a tin of quality street for a fiver and tell her in advance you spending a small amount and your saving for a house. Tell her in advance as you don't want her sulking at xmas. Explain that a tin of sweets or a homemade cake or a homemade knitted scarf is good enough and if she has a problem with that/needs counselling lol she needs to deal with it because its not personal.

cazpumpkin

agreenmess wrote: »

WoW thank you all for the reply's I didn't realise it would get so many or that it would get moved lol.

I'm glad to know that I'm being realistic in my pricings, my sister tends to get me and the other half "vouchers" and has since we turned into a couple seven years ago, the same vouchers every year even though I tell her constantly from at least August onwards that we don’t want anything because I know she spends more on the vouchers than we will ever do on her.

It upsets me tremendously and she knows this!!

My other sister probably spends the same amount as me but its on stuff that we dont want that clutters the home. Again I ask her to get us nothing! I don't understand why people see the need to give a present over. We should be glad we are all together and spend the time being greatful that we are here and that we are healthy not how much something is!

Next year everyone is going to get something handmade, probably a jam and something else, I might even see if I can swing it that we don’t spend Christmas with my parents, that will solve the whole Christmas present opening!

Thanks again

This is also a good idea now that your'e a couple. Spend Xmas day in your own place and visit family Boxing day if that's what you would prefer. This way you aren't faced with a hoarde of people inspecting each others presents as you say.

When I had my first child I made it clear to my inlaws my family would be spending Xmas day at our own home and would not visit, nor would we want visitors , it was our private family time/home. My own memories of Xmas as a young child did not involve being dragged away from my toys to visit grandparents. No disrespect but they've had their time/own families and have to accept that new nuclear families are forming and that they are no longer mum and dad/king and queen in the central role, but are now the suppporting act, . Maybe it's time to start your own traditions , visit them or let them visit you on Boxing day and hand over your festive fiver presents with pride and love. This represents strength and assertiveness without being unkind. It isn't cruel to want to spend less money or spend Xmas day alone with your partner. Make xmas day how you want it.

rach_k

£20 for a sibling sounds perfect to me! My sisters and I still club together to buy each other's presents - we all put £15 into the pot for each sister. For our mum, we double that to £30 from each of us. If one of us couldn't afford it, we'd just give what we could.

I am the only sister with kids so far and I feel terrible that my sisters buy the kids presents, especially when they spend a lot. I know present giving isn't about matching spends but I feel bad that they spend more than us, but it's their choice and they seem to enjoy it

OP, if your sister gives you vouchers, are they vouchers you can keep and use to buy her present next year? If she wants to spend that much on you, that's fair enough but if it makes you feel bad, just re-gift

JulieGeorgiana

cazpumpkin wrote: »

This is also a good idea now that your'e a couple. Spend Xmas day in your own place and visit family Boxing day if that's what you would prefer. This way you aren't faced with a hoarde of people inspecting each others presents as you say.

When I had my first child I made it clear to my inlaws my family would be spending Xmas day at our own home and would not visit, nor would we want visitors , it was our private family time/home. My own memories of Xmas as a young child did not involve being dragged away from my toys to visit grandparents. No disrespect but they've had their time/own families and have to accept that new nuclear families are forming and that they are no longer mum and dad/king and queen in the central role, but are now the suppporting act, . Maybe it's time to start your own traditions , visit them or let them visit you on Boxing day and hand over your festive fiver presents with pride and love. This represents strength and assertiveness without being unkind. It isn't cruel to want to spend less money or spend Xmas day alone with your partner. Make xmas day how you want it.

We did the same thing. Yet my MIL still seems surprised every year when she says 'I suppose your spending Christmas at home...' And we reply yes! This year is the 8th Christmas, and we have 3 children!

Boxing Day is for extended family. Christmas Day is for you and your children. When my children are older they will always be welcome, but I would encourage them to have Christmas Day with their families at home.

snookey

We have stopped buying for kids when they reach 18 . Apart from my own that is.

skogar

I have agreed with my sisters to spend a maximum of £20 on each others Christmas and birthday present. The rule is you can spend less but no more. They are happy to do that as it saves them money and you can get something quite nice for £20. We do sometimes combine birthday and Christmas presents if we want to buy something a little more expensive. Anyone caught cheating will be fed to the sharks! :rotfl:

Maybe you could agree a maximum spend limit with your sister. I didn't think my sisters would agree to it but they were both really keen.

lostinrates

lobbyludd wrote: »

I
so can I suggest - for those of you who say "nothing" but in turn get those people gifts - that you instead say something you want, within a price range that won't embarrass you or them (ie. for a very small amount), for something incredibly practical if necessary - this is a nice thing to do. If someone asks what you want they are doing it for a reason - they want to get you something useful that you'll like and they don't want to spend hours trying desperately to think of something only to get an unappreciated thing or spend way more than they would usually would. With the best will in the world we don't all have unlimited time or perfect present-choosing skills.
"...

So get us nothing!

I wouldn't say nothing if I didn't mean it. . I am cranky and fussy. Things I choose for myself make me cross with myself over my fussiness. People have bought me lovely gifts, and I ALWAYS appreciate the gesture wholeheartedly even if the gifts aren't well chosen (as I hope my flops are giggled over with forgiveness)

I am very fortunate to be content with my lucky lot in life. I don't need more. I need my friends relaxed, not rushing like mad people. My wisest friends by me nowt but come and see me instead whoch is the best gift. (I can be quite tied to my home)

When pushed I say a bottle (I cannot drink I'm on medication :rotfl: but others in my house can).

Horace

Due to my total skintness - on the dole you see. I tend not to buy expensive presents, my parents don't even get presents from me and if I did give them something then they would go mad. They buy me useful birthday and Christmas presents though.

I buy for one friend who lives over in Cambridgeshire and this year the postage cost more than the present (the parcel will get there tomorrow). I made up her present out of things that I already had (bought in sales) and I added a glass candle holder from Wilkos that looks quite expensive but it was only £3.

kimbyanne

I tend to spend about £300 on gifts at Christmas but I only buy for my family and OH's family so less than ten people in total.

However this year I have got more for less thanks for some good bargains, Boots OOTW, M&S Weekly Deals, Debenhams, etc. for example I found something my mum has wanted for ages reduced from £100 to £22 in Debenhams!

jahlboy

OH buys for his family, I buy for mine, works out fine!

Parent's I usually get individual gifts, usually £30 ish for my Mum and £15ish for my Dad, not because I prefer one, but because my Dad is so hard to buy for that he usually requests specific things which end up costing £10 max, and I always feel guilty that I'm spending less on him but I would rather he got something he liked!

Sister and I don't give each other gifts, but do for each others children. She usually spends £20 on my son, and I spend £15 on her 2 children, although ones 19 and I don't know when to stop, especially as they are quite rude and arrogant when it comes to us. They're the type of people to say that they're 'so broke' yet talk about their recent holidays in the same sentence!

My son get's £100, although I allow for a bit over because he usually spends £150 on me (my Birthday is Christmas Day). He's 16, and has spent this much on me ever since he was 13, saving up his pocket money, but I really wish he wouldn't and he would spend it on himself or save it, but he insists on spending it on me.

OH get's £20-30, usually Hotel Chocolat or some nice whiskey, we always say we won't buy anything for each other however as it's my Birthday he normally gets a gift for that for around £100 so I feel like I should get him something!

Friends get a card, maybe a nice small (£4 max) individual gift, but we don't gift to very close friends as we know our friendship doesn't need gifts, we're always there for each other which is nice!

Some older friends usually get £20 spent on plants or a nice hamper for them!