Friends with problems

Kayalana99

pukkamum wrote: »

Goodness just realised something, I was thinking how much better I felt about this issue after coming on here.
I feel better just for being able to fully moan and or express feelings without interruption, something my friends use me for and probably why I don't feel the need to moan or discuss my problems and or feelings to them!
I'm going to suggest they join a forum and moan on there instead, we'll all be happier.

Pukka I had a thought, I'm not really in the same boat but people do tend to rely on me to help them because when they need help I step up and do whatever I can ....

The other day I was in hospital with my little man and my mum came to visit and I told her I was unhappy that when my sister was in trouble with her husband I was their phoning her making sure she was ok...but she wouldn't come visit me in hospital.

Turns out she didn't even know, my mum told her that night and although she didn't visit me she did facebook me and ask me if my little man was ok....what did I say? yes he is fine just needs a few days rest and he will be out!

Although its true what I said, I could of told her all my woes and what was wrong and how I felt and she would of listened and perhaps even visited..but because I gave her the impression I am fine how can I complain that she isn't their for me in the same way she is for me?

Does that make sense? People aren't mind readers..some find it easier to open up and its *usually* the ones that are the shoulder people cry on are the most closed people...as they also burden their own problems and 'don't like to add more' to their friends.



Saying all that it does sound like your friends have been having a tough time lately!!

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

When your mother/cat/etc had problems, did you go round to your friends for comfort and support or has it all been one sided for you as well?

I was going to ask the same thing.

Pukkamum, listening well isn't a skill that comes naturally to everybody. Its human nature for the vast majority of people to focus on themselves and their own worries. It sounds like you are someone who is a natural listener and that might mean your friends naturally open up to you and pour everything out because you respond so well to it and precisely because you don't butt in and try to make the conversation about you!

Everybody needs to offload and be listened to sometimes, you are clearly great at providing that for your friends, but perhaps not so good at remembering that you need to talk too from time to time.

fluffnutter

pukkamum wrote: »

Goodness just realised something, I was thinking how much better I felt about this issue after coming on here.
I feel better just for being able to fully moan and or express feelings without interruption, something my friends use me for and probably why I don't feel the need to moan or discuss my problems and or feelings to them!
I'm going to suggest they join a forum and moan on there instead, we'll all be happier.

Ha ha. Until they come up against old cowbags like me who don't have much sympathy

marisco_2

pukkamum wrote: »

After seeing these friends and hearing nothing but woe etc I feel depressed, tired and slightly used.

How do I stop being everyones agony aunt!

Am I being mean?

You are not being mean but I get the clear impression that you feel very jaded. There is an art to having friendships, so as you get as much out of them as the other person does. Don't make yourself so available to people. See them on your terms. When you have listened to their latest happenings/tales of woe etc. and offered advice, have the confidence to then try and discuss what you need to with them. If their intention is to be as good a friend to you as you are to them, they will be willing to listen and try to be there for you too. If they make it obvious they don't want to do this, then I suggest you have a think about what you get out of knowing them any more.

pukkamum

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Saying all that it does sound like your friends have been having a tough time lately!!

I know!
Beginning to think it's me!
perhaps I'm a jonah!

Domayne

I know how you feel op, a few of my 'friends' are exactly the same - only want to talk when they have problems/some drama/need advice but when I need to talk or have something going on...they're no where to be found. I think as someone on this thread has mentioned, it would be a good resolution to find some new relationships that are more enjoyable, rather than just weigh you down all the time. I think I will attempt that in the new year too!

As for this comment -

In response to the OP, I can understand her frustration, but cancer testing and a sick child are quite serious things, and you can't really compare a deceased cat, to be honest.

0.o

Is your pet having to be put to sleep not serious? Quite frankly, if anything were to happen to my dog, I'd be completely devastated and inconsolable. As sad as it may seem to some people, he's my best friend and I rate him more highly over a LOT of humans! - especially after having him for such a long time! It's just as comparable and valid as the friends complaints imo