Could really do with a friendly ear

indsty

You must contact SS and give your concerns. Anyone, nurse/doctor/counsellor/or whoever MUST report concerns such as this - it is one of the few times confidentiality goes out the window. How would you feel if your fears were correct and the little one came to harm. I know it is difficult but it must be done. You could phone NSPCC or similar for advice if that is easier for you.

GobbledyGook

I would report it. Folks wouldn't think twice about reporting someone who left a young child home alone - when the parent is high the child is effectively home alone. In fact it's worse as they are home alone with an unpredictable drugged-up person using the cooker and fire etc.

Addicts can be very good at hiding problems. My brother and I were always immaculate when we left the house. Didn't help us when dealers were banging on the door or parents were too high to make anything for dinner though.

HPoirot

fbh wrote: »

I knew she was still using occassionally and hated it but kept telling myself that she was alright and it wasn't a problem...

She's been feeding you a nice line. A former addict will simply never be able to just "use it occasionally" and be fine with that.

Not sure how good a mother she is, she is on methadone yet still gets the crack, ignores orders to keep the destructive dad away, keeps company with "friends" who like to steal and beg from her, she seems to have put her child's safety at risk over and over again, yet seems to have pulled the wool over your eyes. Did she distance herself in case you found out something about her?

paulineb_2

I would report it in an instant. Poor kid. I worked with alcohol and drug users for a long time but as soon as a child is at risk, you do something about it. As someone else said, just because the kid is clothed, warm and eats well does not mean he/she isnt at risk, they are at risk, the minute someone tries to smash her windows in or break the doors down that child is at massive risk.

If that kid gets put into foster care, its because of the lifestyle shes living, not the phone call you made, remember that.

meritaten

actually I didn't mean that I personally, think that being clothed warm and fed is a yardstick of good parenting - but, I know of some SS workers who seem to! despite parents on a certain 'estate' constantly reporting a family who shamefully neglect their kids - even leaving the baby and the toddler alone with the two older kids (who are both under 8) nothing is done. the house is fairly clean and tidy and they keep food in the cupboards (but my DiL thinks its there for 'show' as the kids are always on the cadge for food.).

SS workers are only human and if everything seems to be in order then of course they are not going to dig deeper!

marisco_2

How old is the little boy? If he attends school or nursery, it would only take for him to mention any of the concerning things he is left vulnerable to at home, for them to contact appropriate agencies. By the sounds of it this friend is way beyond any help you could offer. She needs first of all to recognise that she has major problems and issues, that need professional help to resolve. Then to value herself and love her son enough to want to sort things out.

theoretica

I think if you have got as far as wondering if you should report something then you should. SS would not take action on your word alone, but full information will help them make the right decisions.

paulineb_2

I actually know of someone who has 6 kids and takes crack and she's know to social services but all her kids are still with her. One lived with the dad for a while as he was out of control. One lived with her gran as the mum couldn't cope. Both older boys are living away from the family home, one is 16 and has a kid of his own and social services are involved with them as well.

Her 4 youngest kids are still with her and its commonly known that she uses drugs. It's very possible that the child might not be removed from the home, god knows I've thought many a time that the person I'm talking abouts kids would have been better away from her because god knows what they've seen growing up.

Irrespective of whether the child stays with your neighbour or not, he's at risk and even if social services try and support the mum and have the child stay with her, it's better having support and for people to be looking out for the child than not.

As I said before, if the child did end up in foster care, its due to her choices, not your actions.

meritaten

I have been thinking about this - on the one hand phoning SS would feel like betraying your friend, on the other hand a young child is being brought up in what sounds like dangerous circumstances. Hun, I do have some idea how you feel. I don't live in the best of areas and my one son lives on a sh!tty estate. I still don't know what I would do - I cant advise you, except, that you must do what you can live with the consequences of your actions or inactions.

fbh

Thanks for all the replies. I ended up ringing NSPCC in the early hours and talking to them and making a referral through them. I've tried reaching out to her again yesterday and got a brief reply this morning it was just a cursory hi how are you conversation as I didnt want to pile on too thick over the web.

I am going to try and go over next week and catch her and see if she will let me in the house to talk.

I know I did the right thing It just feels awful.