Could really do with a friendly ear

Tiddlywinks

http://www.talktofrank.com/drug/cocaine#aka=Crack

fluffnutter

Whether or not you inform SS is your own choice but the child will be removed if it's safer for him to be elsewhere and left at home (hopefully with support) if the mother's capable of looking after him. Despite endless tabloid stories, SS's raison d'etre isn't splitting up happy and healthy families; they're actually there to help.

But she's on crack fgs. I don't care how nice she is, or how good a mother she is, or how difficult her life's been, she's chosen a highly addictive substance over her child's welfare. She needs professional help and even more importantly, so does her son.

And never feel guilty on behalf of an addict - their life, their choice.

FBaby

How confident are you that if things were to go downhill quickly, you would know that the child is now neglected?

I agree with meritaten to an extend that until the child is suffering from the situation, he is probably better with his mother and familiar environment but...the problem with people on drugs is that they withdraw and start hiding things, lying etc... she has started doing that by not being as open with you as you've said. So if she were to not feed her boy because she is high or put him in a dangerous position.

I think I would be totally honest with her, say you know that she is back on the drug, that you are worried for her boy if not how she cares for him now but her care will deterioriate in time and that you therefore want to see more often to check things are ok whilst she tries to help herself but at any sign of neglect or keeping you out, you will have no choice but contact ss.

elisamoose

Ring SS.You don't know what other info they have , nor do you know the whole story ,only one side of it.

Things can go downhill very quickly in this kind of situation and the last thing you want is to be thinking ' I wish I did something'.

bagpussbear

I don't know what's to think about. Call SS now. Stop thinking about your friend and think about the child.

If I am interpreting this right from your post (apols if I have this wrong) then even when she is 'off' drugs, the windows are being smashed in by thugs looking for his dad, and his dad has assaulted his mum which he may have seen or heard, kids aren't stupid. That's no environment for a child to be brought up in, he must be living in fear poor little soul.

Sorry but he does need to be taken out of this situation. Go call them please.

thorsoak

My opinion is that the child comes first every time. Sadly she has had to give up two other children because of her addiction. This little one has already experienced violence (of others) in his short life. It could well escalate.

At the risk of losing her friendship, in your place I would tell her frankly that you know that she is back on the crack and that if she continues you will have no choice but to inform SS of this fact. It is then up to her to decide what she does.

Errata

Crack will always be the most importan thing in a crack addicts life. Children always come a very long way behind that.

Mojisola

Toto wrote: »

I think the heavies turning up at the house smashing all of the windows looking for the dad would be pretty traumatic for the child and not at all safe. Nor would being in an environment where he is witnessing domestic violence. This sounds like a pretty scary place for a young boy to be, far more than clean clothes and a full belly could make up for.

Got to agree with this.

squirrelchops

Toto wrote: »

I think the heavies turning up at the house smashing all of the windows looking for the dad would be pretty traumatic for the child and not at all safe. Nor would being in an environment where he is witnessing domestic violence. This sounds like a pretty scary place for a young boy to be, far more than clean clothes and a full belly could make up for.

Absolutely agree.

I am a Social Worker and for me this is hugely concerning.
The domestic abuse and as Toto said, for the child witnessing frightening adult behaviour does not mitigate them looking clean and well fed.

OP think about the emotional toll on this child. Crack requires money to buy it - that mother's focus is going to be all about getting the money to buy the drugs, procuring it and then taking it. Is she taking him to buy it? Is she having drug dealers to the house thus impacting on child's safety.

Children require parents who are available to them consistently - how is your friend consistent in her caring to him if she is likely to be one mummy one minute then drugged up mummy the next. Between this and witnessing violence that child's emotional development is being impacted upon.

Reporting it does not instantly mean child will be taken into care - other options would be looked at first. Once appraised of all facts decision may be to go to Child Protection Conference. If removal is looked at then relatives would be considered first. Sadly as she has already proven issues with capacity to parent 2 other children, things do not look good.


NB: Just wanted to say thank you OP for caring about this child and not turning a blind eye.

mountainofdebt

fgs report it to SS.

how many times to we have to hear about a child's death -not saying this will be the end result in this case but you know what I mean - before we all realise that its all our responsibilities to keep children safe,not just the authorities.