Urgent advice needed please!

paddy's_mum

For him to have thought about, researched, plotted and done all this in a relatively short space of time strongly suggests a man who is way too far out on the dangerous side of jealous, insecure and controlling.

Every alarm bell I have is clanging. Women's Aid - today, now ...not a few weeks down the line when she wakes up dying in a ditch somewhere and her children are effectively rendered orphans when he goes to prison for attempted (or achieved!!!) murder.

Run first and worry about what the law might have to say later. They're hardly going to support him in stalking, harassing and threatening her, are they?

supersaver2

As we often told on this board, we are only being told one side of the story, what would his story be I wonder?

LannieDuck

Either he's lying about the court order, or there's something your friend isn't telling you about her mental/criminal history that has led to a restrictive order.

If I were her, I'd be making an appointment to see a lawyer tomorrow to clarify the supposed court order, and to set up a harassment order against husband (with as much evidence of CCTV, trackers, personal account hacking as I could find). Then I'd move out to parent's house with children.

I also second those who suggest speaking with women's aid.

Gigervamp

He sounds dangerous. If I was her, I'd ring Womens Aid and take the kids and get out of there asap.

belfastgirl23

I also think that what he's doing is abusive albeit not physical abuse. I think women's aid is a good starting point for her. Hopefully they would be able to help her by recommending a solicitor and what steps she can take.

NinjaSavingKat

Why hasn't she stopped in at the local police station for advise at least - or you OP if she can't get there..?

This is not normal if indeed it's the true end of the story. He sounds incredibly manipulative whereby she thinks (emotional abuse) that she has no rights in her own home and he can do what he wants - just cause he says it over and over again "it's his right" doesn't mean it's true.

If she does something to contravene his wishes he might snap. All it takes is one push and she is down the stairs "accidentally".

She needs out - today. I like the post that says "take the kids and run, worry about the law later" - but she MUST report this to someone.....Could she get to her mothers house tonight.

Mojisola

lexuslass wrote: »

I have a friend who is splitting from her husband... There's lots of things going on, but there's one thing I need urgent advice on please:

He basically has had trackers fitted on her car and is hacking into all her personal accounts.. Email, Facebook etc

That was a couple of months ago...

The thing that has unnerved me this evening is that he has fitted CCTV around the house and she has been told that any visitors (family or friends) are banned from the house... He says he has legal advice and is within his rights to do so!

Is this right? He has been very controlling over her since day one.

This is abuse - get her to Women's Aid.

egoode

Your friend's situation sounds terrible but you need to confirm whether she has actually seen these orders and knows for sure they are real or if he's just making it all up as a way to stop her from leaving and him losing control over her.

From the link someone posted earlier it seems to me the courts would not use a 'Prohibited Steps Order' for this situation and it would instead be covered under a Residence or Contact Order. From this link https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/types-of-court-order the Prohibited Steps Order is more about making decisions on how the child is bought up, not who they live with or where.

She needs to not listen to anything he tells her without seeking her own legal advice.

As for the CCTV cameras, he can have them installed but unless there some court order in place saying her friends and family can't be within a certain distance of him (in Australia it's an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) not sure of the term in the UK) then if she invites them over and lets them in then there's not much he can do about it.

She clearly needs to leave the house with the kids asap and I agree with others she's best off just doing it no matter what court orders he says he has and deal with the consequences latter.

BitterAndTwisted

I think you're only getting half the story here or there is something very, very wrong going on.

meritaten

its often the parent who gets to court first who gets what they want. sad but true.
I too don't feel we are getting all the facts - but I don't think the OP is lying!
some men are so manipulative and think so many steps ahead they are blocking you before you can make a move.

I think she needs Professional Help - I think if this scenario is just as OP describes - then her friend needs to 'disappear with the kids'. it can be done.