Urgent advice needed please!

julie2710

lexuslass wrote: »

Yes, they are still living together, but in separate bedrooms (have been for a few years!)

He has some sort of court order in place keeping the children in the family home until march.. She can move out but the children can't.

Understandably, she's not going anywhere without the children so is stuck!
!

This doesn't sound quite right to me? Does she have a copy of this court order? She could go and get some advice regarding it if she does, if not call his bluff and leave.

Does she have somewhere she can go with the children? If not she needs to find somewhere to go and to take them with her. She can argue the case of unreasonable behaviour and why she removed the children from what everyone would consider an unreasonable environment later.

He sounds awful and she needs to get away from him as soon as possible but with the children not without them. The situation she is in now will gradually wear her down and she needs her strength to look after her children.

It would be worth her contacting woman's org as above.

ecgirl07

julie2710 wrote: »

This doesn't sound quite right to me? Does she have a copy of this court order? She could go and get some advice regarding it if she does, if not call his bluff and leave.

Does she have somewhere she can go with the children? If not she needs to find somewhere to go and to take them with her. She can argue the case of unreasonable behaviour and why she removed the children from what everyone would consider an unreasonable environment later.

He sounds awful and she needs to get away from him as soon as possible but with the children not without them. The situation she is in now will gradually wear her down and she needs her strength to look after her children.

It would be worth her contacting woman's org as above.

Further to this:

If he has her believing he has a court order until March and she is staying, he will make her believe it has been extended until Dec 2014 and so on and so on until she is conditioned to "stay because she cant leave the children".

Question to the MSE world: Is there a way she could independently find out if there is a court order?

As to whether a court order exists or not Id be tempted to get out now with the kids and deal with the fall out of a court order being real or not. Which could certainly be the wrong thing in the long term if such an order exists.

charlies-aunt

He's a bully and a thug.

She needs to pack cases for herself and the children - rehome pets and get out - preferably out of the area ........ and cut all contact, cancel existing contracts, close Facebook account and effectively disappear

This situation has the potential to end tragically as his need for total control over her is very unhealthy

DKLS

She needs a lawyer and fast, ideally ask around there usually is a Rottweiler in your local town/city who know how to deal with men such as this one.

monty-doggy

Firstly no court in the land would force a mother to make her children live with what sounds like a mentally unstable father. If she can prove the unreasonable behaviours she should leave WITH the children.
Can he afford to try to enforce the court order? Enforcing it can cost thousands and thousands, so while he may kick off initially, when he realises the cost, he might back down and be more reasonable.

I would tell her to get out of there pronto, and get a rented place for her and her children. After all surely they come first and living with a stalker and parents fighting could seriously damage them.

DigForVictory

+1 for a family lawyer, pronto.
Ideally colocated with shops etc, just to misdirect the remote observation.
Reassure the children - within reason.
Get to a library & use their computers to both establish a gmail account & contact womens aid organisations - no keystroke loggers there!
Time to invest in a second mobile phone? In Cash.

lexuslass

Thank you all so much for your replies!

The court order he has is called a 'prohibitive steps order' which apparently keeps the children in the family home until march.

She has her mums that she could go to and i know she would go if she could (which is about an hour away) but this court order prevents her from doing so. She can go but not the children .. If she does leave with the children then he would get full custody apparently.

Wyre

Has he definitely got this order? I have just looked this up (http://www.thecustodyminefield.com/mobile/prohibitedstepsorders.html) and it seems a very serious order to restrict a person's parental responsibility. He would have had to show she was at risk to the children - medically, religiously or taking them abroad for instance, and she would have had her chance to put her side. Did she do this or is he just saying he got the order, when infact he didn't?

DS4215

Doesn't a prohibited steps order just prevent her from taking the kids abroad? - is she an immigrant or does she have family overseas (making fleeing the country a possibility)?

Wyre

It restrict parental responsibility - so yes it prevents taking abroad, but also medical, religious and schooling matters.