Nice People Thread Number 10 -the official residence of Nice People

lostinrates

silvercar wrote: »

I am staying away, so all contact is by phone. That is one of the issues - how often is reasonable to visit?

House hunt is one of the issues. It is my fault that I haven't found a suitable property - mainly because what she thinks is suitable would cost twice what she wants to pay. She says she is prepared to compromise, but every compromise I have shown her (online) is rejected, so I am accused of sending her details of rubbish.

She has now decided that she may want to move to a different town, one that she did live in years ago for a short time and liked. Problem is that it is not near me or any other relative. I am not involving myself in this at all - it is a stupid choice. I have told her she needs to stay put or move near me, I can't see any benefit in going through a home move to be somewhere else with no close family.

Silvercar, is she comfortable financially? I suggest if so she get a search agent. If she is not capable of doing it herself. Alternatively if one of the boys ( sorry, I know your sons are men now, not boys). Feels sufficiently removed they might care to do it for her reimbursing their costs, but I think you need to consider the strain this is having on you.

You seem SO exceptionally level headed, but if your husband is not on board this must be very difficult for you.

lemonjelly

lostinrates wrote: »

Lemon jelly, my pm box is full, but I want to say thank you for the pm and link, I will certainly check that out later, probably wait and do it with DH..

I hope you & DH enjoy, & dance.

I also hope you feel much much better very soon!

lostinrates

lemonjelly wrote: »

I hope you & DH enjoy, & dance.

I also hope you feel much much better very soon!

Oh, tbc, deposits my moaning I am feeling physically ok.

lemonjelly

lostinrates wrote: »

I like that distinction. .


Fwiw, the other thing I'll never be able to do is take a decent photo. My eyes and brain just don't really work that way. . People who take good photos, which in general don't really inspire me, really impress me because I think they must have very 'clean' vision and thought.

I try to take good photo's, but really struggle.
I've given up & just try capturing memories now.

Nikkster wrote: »

I'm quite opinionated (but open minded) about music. I generally struggle to put music into categories - for me there is music I like (won't go so far as to say that necessarily = good) and music I don't like. Occasionally there is music that I dislike so much that I can't bear to listen to it (e.g. Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader).

The only Lemon Jelly tune I''m aware of is Nice Weather for Ducks - and I'm afraid to say there is something about it that doesn't do it for me. Not sure what as the components are all bits I should like, there is just something about that combination that I'm not into.

Toploader is music for the devil! & they're touring again!

Nikkster wrote: »

There is someone on newsnight called Nimrod. What an awesome name!

Edit: Nimrod just tried 'raver-cise'... Looked brilliant

On another forum I go on there's a poster called nimrod. Each year he complies his favourite tunes onto a cd & we exchange. It's great, as he listens to a lot of underground/indie stuff I'm not really aware of. We have a couple of bands we love in common (we first started communicating regarding a love for mogwai's first album) & indeed we regularly both post & review each others stuff on "the music thread".

lemonjelly

Nikkster wrote: »

I don't mind a bit of jazz - Gilles Peterson plays a fair amount on his radio programme. Not sure what type but its definitely not Norah Jones or Michael Buble.

In my last lab job, people were keen on having Magic FM (I think) on in the lab. About every half an hour or so they would play a Michael Buble song, so he is a bit of an in-joke now with an ex-colleague.

I'd encourage you to have a listen to Fred Deakins Flashman EP.
Well worth it. Quite jazzy/Gilles-esque.
happy to send you a link if you'd like?

Free music! That'd allow you to spend summat on that big 'ouse a yours!:D

bugslet

lostinrates wrote: »

I find it hard to buy stuff that I don't like when I know there is stuff I do out of financial reach. I'd rather do without entirely than compromise. I find compromise difficult . Its not a nice character trait!

Much the same, I'd like a really flashy, ridiculously expensive car, of which I have no chance of affording, so instead I drive round in a shed of a dog van . I could afford to get something like a bog standard BMW, but since I don't like average cars any more than my dog van, which at least looks interesting, I don't feel any desire to spend the money.

michaels wrote: »

I find it sad when people with kids see little of them because they put their jobs first. I wonder if it is a class thing, if you are used to the nanny / public / boarding school concept then you expect to devolve responsibility for them to others?

Sometimes it's just the necessity of work and money. From the age of 11, I returned to an empty house, usually till 7 or 8 at night, sometime later because the parents needed to work. Probably illegal even in the 70s, but I was a very sensible (dull) child.

lemonjelly

lostinrates wrote: »

Sorry, flippertyjibbeting.


I think holiday entitlement in general is pants and inflexible. I see why. And that money is king and in general I'm all for that and the capitalist economy etc, but many because I'm for people, and for people, we need sometimes to have a different structure built in.


E.g. Last year DH went to the doctor and was withering on about psoriasis whereas actually he and I knew really he was there about stress. So did the doctor. Just DH being to.d the doctor would sign him off for a couple of weeks rendered that unnecessary. (He started the burn out quiz this morning but didn't finish it and looked like score was going to be low in fact). But a key part of dh's sanity is he knows I'm here when he needs me. For working couples to try and get time off together can be hellish. IMO it can be unsafe for emotions to work in this way.

Big companies, not small ones, don't usually work at such low ,margins of profit that more flexibility couldn't be given for better mental health provision.

That burnout is becoming a part of our modern lexicon when we have so much less physical drudgery in our society is pretty damning indictment upon us.

I very strongly feel the way the work hours /work life balance thing is approach is wrong (and yes, I know DH has opted out so its not relevant to us anyway).



I don't know what the answer is, but there must be one. I dopn't think purely more holiday time is it.....but it might be a start. I think mental health days might be something.....

Lydia I have a feeling we have discussed holidays for single parents here before with you in mind. Would you consider holidays with others?

I can relate to this. My employer is gradually restricting more & more when we can have time off. In addition, we get certain times of the year where a lot of additional time is required. As soon as that's over, we get moaned at because our TOIL levels are too high.

I want to take time off when the weather is decent & I'm able to do stuff with friends/family, NOT at a time to suit my blimmin employer.

I'm currently mapping out the year with a view to using up holiday across the summer. I had 2 weeks at christmas (though because of illness/visitors, I didn't feel rested!) & am going to try getting through to easter without any days off. I have a few days training booked, so hope that will cover a change is as good as a rest.

Spirit wrote: »

Large organisations are shifting to taking long hours cultures as a problem not an asset . European working time directive is (48 hours week and a statutory minimum level of holiday) making it a health & safety issue, tacho graphs for drivers, fatigue risk for pilots is legislated for and spiralling litigation in healthcare bring fatigue risks in critical decision making - all influence employers. So however so does staff opinions/voting with their feet/ employer reputation to attract new recruits.

When folk are faced with a choice often people do not want to lose pay from making a choice to work fewer hours/ reduce commute/reduce travel/take less responsibility. That is the usual trade off. It does impact on lifestyle/spending power and people trade wellbeing to maintain these....on topic with this board..driven by mortgage commitments for inflated house prices, debt and consumerism.

10 years ago OH had a choice between 2 job offers - 1 was more of the same and continued high earning, the other was a downshift to a charity and less than half the pay. WE chose the downshift:).

My dad had a redundancy or downsize option after flogging himself for years.
The reduction in stress, his uplift in personality/character was phenomenal.

My previous employer put me through the grinder. Nowadays, I very much have the mindset that the important stuff happens outside of work...

lemonjelly

zagubov wrote: »

To be fair a decent income to someone with kids and one without probably wouldn't compare at all. I feel I might as well heat my house by burning a furnace full of banknotes.

Also a round-the-clock job commitment must be different too when there's kids to look after.
I knew a bloke who commuted fom the east midlands to Surrey. Left home at 6AM and got home by 8PM. He never saw much of his family. We weren't surprised when he came to us to say he was looking for work closer to home. We were baffled how he managed it for the time he did.

I had a friend who did similar. He didn't have a family (he did have a mortgage though!). I suggested to him that he ought consider his travel time in calculating how much he was earning an hour.
Factoring in that he'd get home, eat, wash, & go to bed results in very little of a life!

lemonjelly

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I've felt rubbish this weekend - some sort of random viral infection, headache, swollen glands, sore throat, slight temperature. I've spent a lot of it resting, and fortunately, I'm not in court tomorrow.

Hope you're feeling better NDG!:)

lemonjelly

Dad came out of hospital.
Was supposed to come out friday, but was messed about all day what with catheters & medication, so it ended up being saturday.
What annoyed me is I'd have happily gone to visit him after work, but because he thought he was coming out insisted no-one need go.
Which means no-one went to see him all day!

I tried to make up for it by baking him gingerbread across the weekend (he loves ginger). However, being diabetic, me cooking him a sugar filled treat might not be the best thing...:o