Son quit University

poet123

Op I hope you are taking some comfort from this thread. Many of us as parents have been where you are now; shellshocked, fearful, uncertain, walking on eggshells. Most of us have seen our children come through it and re build.

Maybe you could reassure your on he is not the first student to go through this and he won't be the last?

Good luck.

jobbingmusician

I also wondered about turning the situation on its head and reframing it. Perhaps your son has done something positive by withdrawing from a situation which wasn't right for him at the time. So the question is what you both* think would be useful for him to do now to make him a more rounded person, so that he gets to a place where he can properly assess his options and decide what he'd like to do next. Which could include going back into education. Or not.

*Obviously it's what your son thinks. But he is probably in shock and doing some grieving right now, so might need some space and direction. I just know that when I've been through big life changes (bereavement, big accident) it's sometimes helpful to have someone just give you simply directions and support for a while.

This post is designed to share with your son, BTW

Elvisia

I am probably not going to be able to add much to the above but I have taught in a university and I would just like to say this situation is so incredibly common. Many young people suffer from mental health problems, which can be anything from full breakdown to anxiety, and it's quite common for them to drop out then restart their education. As said above you can transfer credits, he can almost certainly start his degree up again next year, which gives him time to get fully better. Perhaps take Christmas as some time out to see how he feels then make a decision about what to do in January.

Please please please don't feel it's a complete disaster or shameful or any of those things, it's really very normal. I had many students who would drop out then come back a year later, and because they were more mature by this point they got a much better degree. The mental health issues won't affect his career so please don't suggest it to him (my mother told me my anxiety would stop me getting a job, it didn't) and he can simply say in an interview it wasn't the right course for him. That's very acceptable.

Work on getting him into the right mental place (see your GP, you can ask for referral to mental health specialist) then see how what he does careerwise. I wouldn't worry so much about JSA yet as that rather puts a permanent stamp of "you've failed at university and now you're on the dole" unless financially you really need to. I would sign on after Christmas if he feels that's what he wants to do. Also when you sign on you have to start to look for work and if he's not ready to work at university he may not be ready to get a job and that puts more pressure on him.

x

jobbingmusician

Can I just say, as well, that I think that this is a model of what a thread should be. It's full of useful advice from people with personal experience of either being in the situation of the OP's son, being like the OP, or working with people at university level....all making helpful suggestions and building a supportive community. Thank you all!

amberfinn53

If he loved/loves his course then it might be an idea to look and see if the local college or similar has the course, or a related one? He may like the slightly more laid back nature and will be less intimating as there are less students that most uni's but they usually offer the first 2 or 3 years of the degree courses, this may not apply to his course but if it does may be a good way of allowing him to continue studying in a way he is comfortable with



Just keep your chin up, you will be his main rock even if he doesn't tell you

LannieDuck

fifi35 wrote: »

Thanks but he has already given the university permission to speak to me. He is home now and very very low. Think he is already regretting his decision to withdraw but like he says he has missed most of the first term so there's no really going back. Have made an appointment for the doctors on Monday and have spoken to the charity Mind who were fantastic. Btw I think some people love the power of saying I can;t divulge any information as its against the Data Protection Act. I am also covered by the Act in my job but some times common sense has to prevail.

There will definitely be a way back in, especially since he's missed the term's work through mistakes that the university made. Don't assume that just because 'the paperwork's been submitted' there's no way back. The paperwork's probably sitting on someone's desk somewhere, and even if the process has been started to remove him as a student, it's not as if his file is suddenly going to be wiped.

Things to remember:

He's enjoyed the first year of study
He likes his housemates
He regrets coming home

He just needs a bit of help to figure out how he can continue. Perhaps he can do an extra module for each of terms 2 and 3 to cover the missed modules this term? Or get the handouts for this term's work, and just go to extra lectures in 1st term of year 3 to cover any bits he doesn't understand. It depends quite how his course is structured.

I think he needs your help to see that there will be options available to him. At the very extreme, he could take the rest of the year out and retake it next year. Get on the phone to the admissions office of the university and ask if the withdrawal process can be halted. Then you and he need to go and have a good face-to-face chat with the head of course. Explain that this is not a problem of his making, and that he's struggling to catch up because of the timetable issues. See what options they can provide you.

~Chameleon~

I doubt the forms will be processed until January now as I expect they need to go before the board to be accepted. There's still time to stop the withdrawal process and perhaps request a deferment instead if there's a possibility he could return next year to re-take this year.