Son quit University

paddyrg

Don't look at it as leaving uni, look at it as taking some time out to get well and reassess rather than pushing on and getting iller. He's got all his year 1 experience and credits, and could go back next year to pick up the same or different course at the same but different uni. It's not 'all over' by a long straw.

I know, I've been there, albeit a long time ago.

Let him come back, forget college a while, get himself back on an even keel, and come the spring get a job. I'd suggest something seasonal and casual, such as bartending at Butlins - gets him back out of the house, socialising, working, chance to decide what he wants to do with his life. Working will make him appreciate Uni and make him more mature for when he returns - and that's a good thing.

Don't know what the course was, but when making decisions straight from school you've no idea what an amazing range of courses and options there are in the world. For instance there must be a good dozen subtypes of 'Engineering', but school advisers have no idea which to suggest. It could be that he'll find himself happier on a related course which his first year credits would be useful for, or even at a different uni.

First things first though, get him back and don't be down on him. Just get yourselves into Christmas and the New Year.

paddyrg

fifi35 wrote: »

Just a thought before I make an appointment for the doctor. How will it affect future job prospects etc if my son has a medical history of depression and anxiety?
Thank you.

Don't even think about witholding medical support for perceived future circumstances. It may be a short-term thing that can be solved with a bit of love and counselling, it may be entirely situational, it may be a lifelong thing. 2 MP's recently stood up in the house to universal support and spoke about how they'd had mental health issues earlier in life (depression as I recall) - it's no impediment.

poet123

My eldest son dropped out at Christmas of his second year. He came home took a year out and found a job. Re grouped and went back on another course, got a 2.1, and is now doing an MA whilst holding down a full time teaching post in his dream school.

So, it will look bleak now (we were very upset at the time but took the view that his happiness and health were more important and it was affecting both) but he will come through this with support.

InsideInsurance

fifi35 wrote: »

I am so disappointed and gutted at this news but don't want to show it as I don't want him to feel there is no hope.

I am very concerned about his mental state at the moment as he seems really depressed. Has anyone else been through this experience and and offer some advice.
.

My experience was from the other side, I was the son that dropped out of university.

I personally didnt come home as my mother wasnt as understanding at all and when I did come back a few weeks later as had been planned I had to lie to all the neighbours etc as she couldnt face the shame of them knowing I had dropped out.

I didnt go back to uni, I wandered through life for a couple of years and then found my career by applying internally for the graduate scheme of my employers (for which you didnt need to be a graduate). That was almost 10 years ago now and by most measures I've done reasonably well for myself.

To be honest, my relationship with my other had been strained for a long time and her reaction to my decision strained those further and due to unrelated matters they continued to deteriorate

Ultimately, he is an adult, you may not agree with his decisions but they are his to make. Be supportive, he will probably talk as and when he wants to/ is ready to. Not having a degree isnt the end of the world

gocurlygirl

My d d also dropped out for a while-similar situation. She has now graduated but we wish we had sought more support earlier and she would have got more help that was available .

Wyndham

You need your son to ask for the help. It's a tough one, but I'd be very surprised if the University will talk to you about it without his permission (which needs to be in writing) as it comes under the Data Protection Act. If he is willing for you to talk to the University then you can do so, but please don't expect them to just do it (I've been on the other end of those phone calls, and crying parents are hard to deal with when you know you will be breaking the law if you tell them anything!)

fifi35

Wyndham wrote: »

You need your son to ask for the help. It's a tough one, but I'd be very surprised if the University will talk to you about it without his permission (which needs to be in writing) as it comes under the Data Protection Act. If he is willing for you to talk to the University then you can do so, but please don't expect them to just do it (I've been on the other end of those phone calls, and crying parents are hard to deal with when you know you will be breaking the law if you tell them anything!)

Thanks but he has already given the university permission to speak to me. He is home now and very very low. Think he is already regretting his decision to withdraw but like he says he has missed most of the first term so there's no really going back. Have made an appointment for the doctors on Monday and have spoken to the charity Mind who were fantastic. Btw I think some people love the power of saying I can;t divulge any information as its against the Data Protection Act. I am also covered by the Act in my job but some times common sense has to prevail.

poet123

fifi35 wrote: »

Thanks but he has already given the university permission to speak to me. He is home now and very very low. Think he is already regretting his decision to withdraw but like he says he has missed most of the first term so there's no really going back. Have made an appointment for the doctors on Monday and have spoken to the charity Mind who were fantastic. Btw I think some people love the power of saying I can;t divulge any information as its against the Data Protection Act. I am also covered by the Act in my job but some times common sense has to prevail.

If he is really regretting it there will be a way back. The tutors could give him the missed notes and perhaps link him up with another student who would be willing to help.

anamenottaken

paddyrg wrote: »

Don't even think about witholding medical support for perceived future circumstances. It may be a short-term thing that can be solved with a bit of love and counselling, it may be entirely situational, it may be a lifelong thing. 2 MP's recently stood up in the house to universal support and spoke about how they'd had mental health issues earlier in life (depression as I recall) - it's no impediment.

The two MPs (back in June 2012) -


Charles Walker (Conservative) - OCD ("on occasions it is manageable and on occasions it becomes quite difficult" - so a continuing situation rather than simply in the past)


and


Kevan Jones (Labour) - Depression.

DigForVictory

Love him to bits - he's back early for Christmas!
Feed him up, get him to the medics, keep talking to the University - and see how it goes.
You've sorted as much as you can for this weekend, give him a week & see what transpires. (JSA is very sensible, as is putting the loan on pause.)
Then give he the time & love & support he needs.
This isn't fatal. Different, yes, but not fatal.