Son quit University

~Chameleon~

He doesn't have to withdraw entirely. He can request the course is deferred due to mitigating circumstances. Perhaps these are the forms he's already filled in which then go before the board of assessors for approval?

fifi35

Dig for victory absolutely love you attitude. Am overwhelmed with the lovely sensible support and advice I have found on here.
Thank you.

fifi35

Thank you Chameleon but he had a meeting with his year tutor on Thursday although. he was in a very distressed state she signed his withdrawal papers and has submitted them.

the-mango

A few yaers ago I was in a very similar position. I left after term1/Christmas of my second year. I got help and went back the next academic year re-starting my second year.

It has made the world of difference. Everyone has said how much I have flourished and how I have really grown. I wasn't young but I just wasn't ready for university. I have now got multiple graduate job offers and have got involved in loads of stuff at uni.

Feel free to message me if you want to know more about anything specific!

nearlyrich

My DD withdrew in year 2 the uni allowed her to defer with an option to return the following year, she got a job and didn't want to return. Later she got a different job for which her professional training and her first year of the degree roll into a degree level qualification, she will graduate next year. It is a tough time you do worry about their future but his health is more important hope it all works out well.

GothicStirling

fifi35 wrote: »

Thanks but he has already given the university permission to speak to me. He is home now and very very low. Think he is already regretting his decision to withdraw but like he says he has missed most of the first term so there's no really going back. Have made an appointment for the doctors on Monday and have spoken to the charity Mind who were fantastic. Btw I think some people love the power of saying I can;t divulge any information as its against the Data Protection Act. I am also covered by the Act in my job but some times common sense has to prevail.

If he's regretting it, then he could ask about rather than withdrawing, to taking a sabbatical until September then restarting again. Universities aren't as rigid about these things as you would imagine. Its in their interest that he doesn't drop out altogether.

The other option is researching other universities (maybe ones closer to you) and try for clearing in the summer. He should be able to go straight into year 2.

Denning.

Depression and suicide amongst university students is very high. There is pressure from so many different sources.

I know many people who dropped out, took a year out, completely flunked. Sometimes the course wasn't right, sometimes the university wasn't right and sometimes they just weren't ready as a person. When you are pushed through school and straight into university you barely get two seconds to think it through, this is an institutional problem in this country.


Just give him space and don't judge him. Liaise with the uni and see what they can do. Unis will bend over backwards to help with these kind of issues, the least they will do is hold his place for the following year in case he wants to take it up again.

As for the medical records, don't even think about that, please, knowing someone who attempted to take his life because he wanted to be a police officer and didn't want it on his record, just don't think about it, not worth it.

Jinx

My daughter too dropped out at the end of year 2 at Uni. She was hundreds of miles from home and having some stress and anxiety issues.

While she was mulling over the pros and cons of the situation she had a low point and the end result was a phone call from her re her mental state which prompted me to act immediately - her local mental health team were amazing, she was seen immediately and then we moved her back home for a time.

Although she doesn't have her degree she is now back living independently and working and with her own friends and life again. Some professional CBT counselling along with family a little closer and less pressure seems to have put her back on a happy even keel. She is considering going back to education but its an option rather than a definite.

I don't think it can be underestimated just how low this situation can make the individual and the mental health implications can be scary if you haven't had any dealings in this field (I had no experience re this kinda stuff) In our situation while family gave hugs, support and financial cushioning I really think it was the counselling which made the difference and I am very grateful she was able to access this.

I am sure OP that you son can get through this like my daughter did and be happy again.

SJI85

fifi35 wrote: »

Just had the above bombshell. My 19 yr old son has quit uni in his second year. He is in a low mental state at the moment and says he has lost his confidence and just can;t face people. I am not sure what exactly has gone on but he is coming home tomorrow with his belongings. There is only me and him in our family.

I haven't been in the same situation, though I did withdraw for two years after having a sort of break down in my second year, having had two "first years" (and being diagnosed with dyspraxia and a mental health condition). I eventually returned, though it was a battle with the uni, and successfully completed my course. I was even awarded an academic prize. So it worked out.

If your son has completely withdrawn then he might be entitled to a Certificate of Higher Education, based on his successful performance in first year. This means he can transfer his credits elsewhere and upgrade it to a degree. He might be able to do the same degree at a later date, entering at second year, or transfer to the Open University, again at second year. So his efforts from last year shouldn't be wasted.

If he's just temporarily withdrawn due to medical reasons then here's hoping this gives him the time to get better and return.

If he's having doubts, and things he should have just temporarily withdrawn, he should discuss this with the uni asap.

Note that if he has withdrawn temporarily from university the Jobcentre might be a bit funny and claim he is not entitled to claim JSA as, to them, he's still classed as a student despite not receiving finance or attending. I experienced this myself. However, I believe those who've withdrawn due to medical reasons can claim JSA while withdrawn from uni. I certainly did before I returned to uni.

If he's "properly" withdrawn then ignore the above. JSA shouldn't be an issue at all as far as I'm aware, though they might want to know his student finance and how much he received.

But the most important thing is to give him the love and support he needs, and it seems you'll do that! If he is depressed then he might interpret things you say negatively, so be aware of that.

Sorry if this is lots of information. I suppose the good thing about a thread is that it's all written down and you can come back to it!

fifi35 wrote: »

Just a thought before I make an appointment for the doctor. How will it affect future job prospects etc if my son has a medical history of depression and anxiety?
Thank you.

Well, it may be that he felt overwhelmed and stressed about things for a while, rather than a chronic mental health condition. But if he does get diagnosed with anxiety/depression the important thing is that he gets the support and treatment for it now in order to get better.

He is under no obligation to discuss it in most jobs, especially if his condition improves and is mood is stable for a few years. If he does, then only after an offer of employment has been made. Having depression will likely see him protected under the Equality Act 2010 (formerly the Disability Discrimination Act 1995), meaning employers are obliged to make reasonable adjustments and must not discrminate.

If it does get discussed at an Occupational Health check then this is typically just to find ways to support the individual. There are few jobs where having a mental health condition, especially not a history of depression, should cause any problems.

Again, if he gets a diagnosis of depression then he may be entitled to claim Disabled Students Allowance, and receive adjustments, should he return to university at a later date. DSA pays for support, including equipment, that is needed as a result of disability or a medical condition.

Spirit_2

Just love him and help him to rebuild. Contact the unversity and ask how he can re-engage. He wont be the first student in difficulties and he wont be the last.

Our DD had depression during University , she moved home and commuted and was assigned a mentor who supported her . Without this she may have left. As life continued to throw some nasty things her way during the remainder of her degree we knew it was a challenge for her just to keep going and finish it.

She did complete the degree, did not do the year abroad, had a gap year and travelled, got a grad job and has completed an MA part time.

The University were very good throughout.