Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

please-let-me-be-lucky

OMG, Jelly is soooo cute!! Have you looked at getting her into modelling?

Once again, pleased to have been of service re Warm Homes Discount Xx

liltdiddylilt

Awww thanks ladies. I thought about the modeling thing and I umm and ahh over it. It could cost me more than it makes for her, as any funds over what it cost would be for Jellytot. And I don't want to spend her life telling her that looks are all that matters. Still, I idolise her and think she is stunning. Her first word was 'beautiful' or in Jelly's speech 'ABOOOOF' because that is what we said/say to her so many times. Isn't being a parent hard? What is right and wrong? I am sure my mum thought she was doing everything right for me, or at least the best she could, and she screwed up on so many levels and did so much better than I could hope to do on others.

And Lucky it isn't just warm homes; you inspire me every day my dear, even when you aren't making people give me fistfuls of cash

Look at me updating two days in a row. What do I have to tell you? Silly things. I ran out of the 5litre bottle of comfort pure my mum bought me about 6 months ago. I bought two different flavours of comfort on offer in the supermarket, and am sitting in my bedroom, with the windows wide open and the airers covered in my first washload with 'strawberry and lily'.... Oh... my... goodness. I keep sniffing! All day I have been walking in to smell it. Hahaha. Next up bluebell and bergamot. Which if I like it, I can get in a reed diffuser less than half price in the same supermarket I also found out that my t*sco express cashpoint provides a voucher for 50p off my expensive £5 per roll on deodorant (sure/dove maximum protection anyone?!?) soooooooo I did two cash withdrawals, got 2 receipts and off I went - It can be used in any supermarket, silly Mr T's so went to Sainsbugs where t Had to resist the urge to buy a dozen.

Also had my hair cut today and finally my hairdresser tells me that my next cut should be the one that cuts out the worst of the damage my old HD did to my hair. She used thinning scissors which literally left me with little half inch long clumps sticking out from my head. Also cut into my 'baseline' and ruined how my hair hung, and undercut it too. So I have one more cut to a baseline again and a few more before the inside out layers (from the shearing) under my top layer are the right length. She told me its in fabbo condition, which is hilarious as I have been using a 99p store conditioner called 'Oz' :D:D

This afternoon I had an implant fitted in my arm. Not recommended really with my endometriosis, mirena coil much more endo friendly. But I explained situation with Him to the doc and my desperate desire not to get pregnant (never thought I would say that ever... I so wanted another baby) whilst life is so ridiculously turbulent. She immediately started prepping me for the installation - I sound like a washing machine - but not without prompting some more soul-searching with the pointed question "Do you really need him around?". No, I don't. I am aware of that more than anything else in life right now. But it is right for Jelly, and right not to give up at the first hurdle, insurmountable as it may seem. I know he doesn't offer me a lot right now but I can't say I offer him much really, and I'm not investing all that many feelings into it, as much as he has eaten away at them since September. So I will carry on.

Lastly, some sad news came right after the docs. My Pop is dying. He is 86 years old, my mums dad and I am so proud and lucky to be able to say I have had 28 fantastic years of him. He has several health issues that are basically unmanageable any more. Today the Dr visited him at home and explained his kidneys are failing. She asked to put him on an 'end of life care plan' - Not the Liverpool Pathway with those familiar. He has a DNR in place and is sorting his will tomorrow. Who gets to 86 without a will?!?! I feel like I should call him and jabber all the nonsense that seems to be in my head wishing to pop out but he is half deaf and I don't wish to upset him. I don't know what to do. I live 250 miles away from them and can't up sticks and rush to him. I don't want the next time I go to see him to be his funeral.

I thought this update would be smaller. A lot goes on in a day in Lilt land... Gandalf the Grey came to visit

please-let-me-be-lucky

So sorry to hear about your Pops . I only have one Granparent left, my Grandma who is 80 next birthday. I love her to bits and I always think of her as being about 60 with years and years left. It makes me sad when I realise that is not really the case. Life is too short.

Apart from that all sounds good with you. Bless you for what you said about me though, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :A.

Love Gandalf!!

VeronicaMars

liltdiddylilt wrote: »

I forgot to show you this little monkeysocks!

I just saw some kittens and then I see this. I think I'm having some sort of cuteness overload as it started with some ohhhhhs and ahhhhhs to then a creepy hysterical laughing :rotfl: and repeating "they are just too cute"...

It's all just too much for my simple mind.

Note to self - only look at one cute picture a night! And only one picture of Brad Pitt.

xoxo

VeronicaMars

Aww just catching up on the rest! So sorry re your pops! But by gosh if I live to 86 I'll be a happy lady!

Xoxo

liltdiddylilt

Thanks girls!! Veronica I love kittens too & jellytot borders on obsessive about anything cat shaped. Loves them so much hahahaha! The two together is a sight to behold. Have a video of her somewhere repeatedly pressing my MIL's cats nose and saying "BEEP!"

I don't do Brad Pitt. More of a Jason Statham kinda girl! Lol.

Re my Pop, I know it's a good age but it's been 15 years since I have had to confront a death in my family and it's not nice being given advanced warning of it's imminence when you're too far away to do anything. I don't think I would want to live that long! His wife, my nanny is 86 too and has dementia. It's not a fun age it would seem. In my gene pool anyway!

liltdiddylilt

Hello diary... 3 days in a row now; are you proud?

I have come to a conclusion. I am actually a naturally optimistic person. If you had asked me that up until today I would have said that I was not exactly effusive about this thing called life. I have had so many ups and downs, and probably way too many of the downs in my comparatively short time on this planet; but I have always tried my best to keep on swimming. I didn't think I was very good at it.

Today I have decided I am. Because right now I feel just about the most anchorless and sad that I have in a long time. Even in the short time since I joined MSE I have experienced some of the worst things to happen in my lifetime, but I have come out of them stronger and more cheerful than ever. Today I do not feel cheerful. Today I am taking stock and looking in and thinking that this just isn't enough.

I could reel off a list a lot longer than my arm of things that are wrong.
I could start the biggest pity-party in the world, with zero guests and just me, the pity-girl sat in the middle.
I could listen to sad songs and cry.

All those things are not me. Maybe, for a brief period of minutes in a challenging week, it is, but not for longer than that.

I'm off to try and sleep, and remember the good things. Mainly Jelly. I swim for her.

lubava

Hi Lilt,
I can only say it will get better. Im sure it doesnt seem that way at the moment but I will. In meantime you will come out on the other side and much stronger. Take care of yourself and your little one.

lubava

By the way your little one is absolutely gorgeous! !!

lobbyludd

jelly is blimming gorgeous!

hope a good night's sleep has been yours, you are in a number of tough situations - reading back, but you are strong, even if you don't feel like it (and you don't have to feel like you are, or even act like you are to still be strong, it is just your nature) and things will improve.

xx

editing because have read words back - and sounds like the sort of fatuous cliche I'd want to thump someone for if I was struggling, so please take the thoughts, excuse the rubbish wordsmithery and feel free to give me a virtual slap about the chops with a wet kipper/implement of your choice.