Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

Verbatim

Oh what a rubbish situation HJ. I'm so sorry you've been dumped on like that. And your poor daughter too. Although not a thoughtful response well done her for standing up for herself!
Your mother sounds rather controlling? As it was your sister who received the text with the rather florid language why is your mother replying on her (and your father's and sister's) behalves? Does she feel she should be able to dictate standards for you and your daughter and indeed for the whole family?

After things have calmed down is your mother likely to carry on in the usual way? Domineering? I'm sure it will all be your fault(!) in her eyes. Are you the habitual scapegoat in your family? Not sure how you refuse to accept that role but I guess it's a process and maybe your dd is leading the way. Did your Mum ever accept your ex was abusive or did she blame you for the split?
I hope you sleep well and remember you're doing a great job parenting on your own.

BILLIE

WOW cushions are FAB..... Just finished cleaning and something else ticked off my list before we go. Also written birthday cards for friends whilst we are away and ordered friend flowers as it will be her 60th.

Feeling guilty about going on hols as so much going on at work, but it always seems to happen that way.

Speak soon folks xxxx

liltdiddylilt

Oh dear

So much to respond to and am on my phone.

hopefuljoy I am completely heartbroken for you.

Whilst not even vaguely at the level of your HIM my dad could be a real vicious so and so and used words to hurt often. I have a trigger word, which I will not mention as in the grand scale of name calling it seems insignificant but as I was called it repeatedly from being very small about every tiny misdemeanour and !!!! up I made I don't want to cause people to try and avoid it or as some have done in the past (my ex) use it deliberately to hurt. This word when used frankly sends me off the deep end. It is an aspect of me that I have no control over and I havehad some serious humdingers with my dad, mum, and anyone else who cares to call me that name, including a nasty piece of work A Level tutor I had. I can more than understand your DD's frustration and anger at such a ridiculous and insensitive comment and frankly I wholeheartedly support her decision to send an angry text message back. Sometimes swear words are all we have to express such an extreme feeling. Much rather that than she internalise the feelings and direct it at herself. Aunt is not much of an aunt if she uses such comparisons to a 15 year old with such callous disregard to her feelings.

I think you need some self righteous anger here. To help both you, and your kids through this. I had a disagreement with my family regarding my personal choices after I left my ex (their perfect son in law to be so they thought). I was called many names. Told I was mental and needed locking up. Forced into counselling by my mum which did more harm than good as I had locked away much of the childhood stuff that led to "the word" being such a trigger. I've always been a mummies girl. A home bod as my dad has always said. I picked myself up, dusted myself down and walked away. From all of them. I moved 250 miles almost overnight and barely spoke to them for months. I saw them once a year until Jelly came along and ever since they come here every few weeks but they still drive me insane much as I love them. I have regular time outs. I am very blunt. They upset me and I upset them and I have come to realise that I cannot please them all of the time and nor should I try. They brought me into the world to live my own life and live it I shall, with or without their blessing.

You are an incredible mum. You have made incredibly tough choices which have been precisely what you and your children need. I don't know a 15 year old who doesn't dress in clothes adults wouldn't be seen dead in. At her age I dyed my hair pink and orange and was almost banned from school. I went to college, got piercings and coloured my hair differently every week. I wore thigh high stripy purple socks over fishnets and practically flashed my underwear. I wore dark make up and eventually got a tattoo when I was 23. I still have some random piercings. And you know what. I have a great job and a beautiful family and I am well regarded. I was bullied so badly through my school years that every bit o colour, every layer of clothing and every piercing allowed me to rebuild shattered confidence and self esteem. I rebuilt myself because no one else could do it for me. And you should be proud that your DD is no sheep, following the crowds and the trends. She is a soldier building her defences back up, brick by brick. And that you are allowing her the freedom to do so shows what an incredible mum you are. She idolises you. You have built a world in which she feels safe. And that is no mean feat and not to be brought down by anyone, family or not.

So stick your head up high. You've got everything you need inside you and inside your beautiful children. No one else need apply. Family or not.

Am always here.

liltdiddylilt

Westie just as people have said my love, reviews are not everything. Every year until now I have been knocked by comments about how I should tone down my attitude because I am sometimes larger than life, louder than I possibly should be in an office environment and so on. I've ignored it all because as you can see above I am a contrary sod who likes nothing more than to show people I can do whatever I want all by myself.

The only reason I was bothered this year was because a colleague had threatened a grievance based on entirely those features of my personality and I thought it genuinely might be a factor in my review. In actual fact it spurred my bosses on to support me in being myself for the first time ever. Lol. Silver linings.

The fact that after all you mention, that you are still working shows your character and determination. So put your chin up, because you could be sat back refusing to work and instead you battle through every day.

Screw reviews. They come around once a year. It's what you do the rest of the year that shows who you are and I think you are pretty fab. Today of all days I am feeling close to tears because fighting with a strong nearly 3 year old every 2 hours has forced me to go for dihydrocodeine instead of my usual tablets. I know you have these days almost every day. Big bloody hugs to you.

And !!!! your reviewer. What an !!!!!!. Xxx

apple_muncher

Hopefuljoy - sending you cuddles, and telling you we are on your side. Whether we can do anything or not, we stand with you and your children. They - and you - are your priority. I agree with what has been said so well by others. Will be thinking of you all, lovely lady.

westie - what a nasty slapdown you have had. Chin up, and keep being you. Your actions show just how much you give.

Lilty - I guess you are up in the night due to pain. Do hope it subsides and that Jelly settles.


Hugs to all x

Levi-

Hopefuljoy what a horrible situation, my heart goes out to you.
I would be minded to tell your judgemental family to back the F off (sorry but not sorry) ... how dare they make your daughter feel like that and also how dare they put you both as victims of their own horrid superficiality (re her hair and her style) .. Hopeful, you just keep doing YOU and it sounds like you have instilled this in your daughter too, please don't ever lose that and yes you are exceptions to the rule and THANK GOODNESS for that. :heart2: you're wonderful and that's all there is to it.

Westie - sorry about your crappy day also, hope Tuesday is better.
Sorry Lilt, to hijack, just really wanted to reach out to Hopefuljoy, without her I would be nothing in this forum *&& I'll never forget that !:A

Hopefuljoy

Gosh, gosh and blimey!! Lilt, Levi, EVERYONE!!! I never expected such amazing support even though I know you are all lovely. And verbatim you have definitely met my mother, you've entirely described her and my role in the family. I'm just getting ready for school, I'm a secondary school teacher of RE in a tricky catchment area, but will return to you all tonight to say proper thank yous.

I love you all sooooooooo much!!

Levi-

Love to you too my almighty warrior Lily :heart2:x

in_need_of_direction

Hj and westie, while I can't match lilt's eloquence or common sense, I totally agree with what she said but would like to add my tuppence worth. Hj, I too am family f&ck up having destroyed a perfectly good marriage to a wonderful? Man and caused my children so much distress and hardship. However, the plus side is the low expectations mean I don't get landed with family stuff. No sourcing collective presents, organising events, etc. it's perfect!
Westie, if there is the place, make sure you record your comments on the appraisal form. That way, you can put it to bed without niggles.

Lilt, I'm in awe of your responses. Absolutely spot on. Well done you.

liltdiddylilt

Morning guys!!

Apple partially. Jelly woke up at 1:30am burning hot, and then started to vomit from coughing. So spent a couple of hours trying to get her back to sleep. Was trying to get a photo for you guys but would have dislocated my arm trying to get my phone so gave up!! At one point she had been asleep on my chest with her legs dangling down between mine as we lay on the bed. She suddenly shrugged herself down all the way until she was snuggled on her side between my legs using my thigh as a pillow, and insisted on having the covers down to below her chin. I was frozen and couldn't move!!! :rotfl:

I got her back into bed at about 20 to 4 and then spent the rest of the time waiting until she finally stopped coughing as a sign she was properly asleep and wouldn't wake up, and then took some tablets for my back.

So very grateful that I had the foresight to go to bed at 6:30pm :rotfl: my back and hip are just complaining hard because it takes a lot of energy pinning her down and managing to get eyedrops in. Will be fine soon; she seems much better this morning!

Levi love to you too,

Me&O, Verbatim, Levi, INOD, apple... and anyone else I missed! - thank you so much for your responses and for being there for others I really appreciate it. Good to know that the community on here is every bit as good as it ever was.

BILLIE stop rubbing it in :rotfl: - so jealous but hope you have an amazing holiday and cannot wait for pictures. If you waited until work was quiet to put a holiday request in, you'd never go! So enjoy it, you deserve it!! xxx