Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

Levi-

Hi Lilt, I hope its OK to reply now before the good stuff comes in.
Wow, you certainly have a lot going on. I won't comment on the stuff you mention at the start of the post because that sounds like it is something very personal and complex and I fully understand your reasons for not wanting that to be out there but do know that you have my (and all of our) full support any time you want to chat about any thing including privately if that is of any comfort.
One thing I can weigh in on is the work issue because I have almost been in the exact same position - it pushed me to the brink in 2013 and ended up extremely formalised with me making a grievance to the top of the company, including an appeal, which was eventually all upheld and the bully was removed from my life.
If this colleague is sending hateful emails about you to your manager and your manager is not acting to address the issues or 'nip it in the bud' then you manager is failing in their duty of care and in turn is contributing to the cause of a hostile working environment. Pushed far enough this is in breach of their H&S obligations too as a manager has a duty to act to stop any such environment from worsening as your health (and others) can be made to suffer and in your case, already is. The exact thing happened to me, the colleague in question singled me out to NIT PICK everything to, to our line manager - and I was put under the spotlight if I even dared so much as breathe or arrive 1 minute late back from lunch. In turn my managers failed to act and I duly eventually suffered extensive stress related health issues, felt victimised, dreaded going in every day, the environment was so hostile and the colleague systematically turned all the other colleagues against me and managers too. It was worse than being at school and all based on nothing other than his own inferiority complex.
Without all the boring details I was able to eventually obtain copies of all the nasty emails he had sent about me to the managers including very personal derogatory comments and defamatory - presented them at my grievance along with a timeline showing the deterioration of my health, the amount of times I had raised concerns with management and their lack of action..
I am not suggesting you want this formalised but your manager is a shower of s**T if they are not willing to address this in the proper channels. It is awful for you to be going in to that every day and that is NOT why you go to work, to deal with that sort of utter bollox and eventually you end up having to take control of it and show them you aren't to be messed with. The best thing I did was go above my boss, and then even above her boss, and they finally started listening. They didn't expect I would, but I fought all the way and knew I was in the right. The bully was also questioning my capability all of the time which yours is doing, it creates self doubt and is toxic as everyone else starts to believe it to - despite us both (you and I) obviously being highly effective workers. Its utter hell. Try and remember the issue is not you, but the bully and also your ineffective manager - don't internalise it as easy as that is for me to say.

Urgh I could go on all day about this but I would not wish this on my worst enemy let alone you. Don't suffer in silence and don't be scared to take action if you need to. Bullying is a very serious matter - check the company policy and throw it back in their face (I did that too).. they can't ignore you if you formalise it and don't be afraid of repercussions as they aren't allowed to counter-react to that either.


Loads of well wishes toward you Mum, that must be awful for you to be going through too and that alone would take the strength from most so you are doing so well against all of this adversity, never forget it!
another thing i can deeply relate to is the grandmother with alzheimers as i have one the very same and that is heartbreaking to watch as everything about her and her memories of us fade. she is in a specialist care home now and i find it hard to visit.

we love you loads Lilty, thanks for updating, and don't forget your MSE fam will do anything we can to hold you up and sellotape you together along the bad times x

supersaver1000

Hugs to you Lilts xx

liltdiddylilt

Ok...

So.. what GOOD has been happening?

Him. His name is Jay, for those wondering. As I said earlier, I have had 2 bunches of daffodils, which I LOVE. Separately. One replacing the others who died a few days before. They make me happy.

He also brought me a card to keep in my purse, telling me how special I am.

He has paid out over £100 recently on picking up the tab for things I usually would.

Valentines - we had our day on 30th January with a takeaway and a film night and a late night walk along the seafront. That was the night Jellytot stayed with her nan & grumps. It was fab. But this weekend, on Friday night we made time and watched The Maze Runner after Jelly was in bed. That is one of my all time favourite books, so was great for me and he enjoyed it too. Then he went home, and on Saturday night we got together for a meal together again. We had precisely what we wanted, and it barely cost a thing mine was a mushroom omelette and salad, and his was two £1 fish pies :rotfl:

I've spent time baking (and eating ) with Jelly, made some huge batches of shepherds pie mince/gravy & chilli, and have just been eating spoons of this with jacket spuds, baked, then split, sprinkled with cheese and grilled. Very easy meals.

Jelly - her name for those who have wondered and I haven't spoken to on PM is Ellie. Fully, she is Elliott Grace. My baby angel faced girl with a boys name. :hearts:

She has had a tendency to be a bit of a terror recently. Due to weather and illness she has been cooped up quite a lot. We have rectified it. We have had trips to the park and swung and climbed and slid and run until we are out of breath. She has ridden the pedals off her trike up and down the Leas, and to the formal gardens locally, as well as around the garden centre. We have started a band in her bedroom, jumping on a giant keyboard mat, blowing trumpets, clicking castanets and shaking maracas, playing 'guitar' on a plastic frying pan and singing away to Taylor Swift and Baa Baa Black Sheep and anything else that takes her fancy.

We have read the Three Little Pigs until she can almost recite it all with me. She huffs and puffs with the best of them. She has also learned the poem 'Star light, star bright, first start I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish, I wish tonight' from another book which she loves and insists I read tonnes as well. It is a breakthrough to get Ellie to sit still for more than a few seconds for a book. When she tells a story back to me, invariably it is one sentence long, followed by 'THE END' and 'Did you like that story mummy?' :rotfl:

I love my warp speed child.

Me. Lilty. Wanna take a wild guess at my name? I'm Lily, nice to meet you all. Lilt came about when a friend repeatedly typo'd my name, around the time that Chipmunk brought out a song that started with the line 'My name's Chip Diddy Chip'. Liltdiddylilt was born.

I have been religiously using cream for psoriasis. Resulting in it being almost clear for the first time in years. I only have the odd patch here and there at the worst of times, but now I have none :j This is down in huge part to mothernerd's challenge to spend 15 minutes on SOMETHING a day. Others chose cleaning, spending time with family, phoning parents. But honestly if I did 15 minutes more of any of those it would take me to all of my waking hours so I chose to take it on myself. Pampering, or 15 minutes extra sleep, for all of February. And it has been great. More water, face cream, my skin is amazing. Frizz ease on my Jellytot style poodle mop, resulting in sleek conditioned tresses. Lip balm. Yeah still working on the not biting my lips. Have bitten chunks out of them in the last week; seems they are rarely not bleeding. But I am trying.

Have also been wearing my mouthguard to protect my teeth as I am grinding in my sleep again. At least (as far as I know) I am not sleepwalking if it gets that bad one of you will have to come and lock me up overnight

I have also been eating some frogs. Again a challenge by mothernerd. Starting my day by doing something so off-putting and rotten, nothing else they day throws at me could possibly be worse. My oven gleams. My kitchen is beautiful. My cupboard has been cleared out.

I bought new bedding!! :j:j and I don't care it cost £40. I got a 100% cotton fitted sheet, 2 pillowcases in the same colour as the sheet, and the most beautiful sky blue floral bedding with stripes on the other side. It is 200 thread count 100% cotton also, and means I have retired the electric blanket, so warm am I

Today we went to Canterbury, met Him and had a family day mooching the shops, and having a picnic by the river. It barely cost anything and the sky was crystal clear all day, with lovely sunshine!

So... lots of positives. On what feels like the last supper, before I go back to work tomorrow.

My mantra has been for a very long time 'work to live, not live to work'. I shall be applying it, keeping my head down, and discussing work related things with colleagues only. But I will not be beaten into submission by a nasty witch with a God complex.

Hugs all. Thanks for sticking around.

Love all of your bones I do. xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

You are dealing with so much and (much as you don't like to admit it) you aren't fighting fit either. No wonder you have been feeling down. Oodles of hugs and positive vibes coming your way as always.

Glad to hear issue #1 is being resolved. I know £3k is a lot to lose, but I also know your sanity and freedom is worth so much more. Legal help is definitely the way to go Xx

I'm so :mad:on your behalf re work. I hate bullies! Make sure you document everything. Levi has some great advice and I hope this issue is resolved soon too. Don't like to think of you dreading work.

Sorry to hear your Mum isn't doing so well either, and your Granparent problems too. Wish I could do something to help Xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Posted before I read your positives - lovely post Xx

Levi-

:j:j yay the good stuff, awesome to meet you Lily (thats such a nice name, and of course so is Elliott Grace, beautiful name for a beautiful girlie).

we have yet more in common, i also bite chunks out of my lips (nursing a big chunk i tore out today while ruminating):o and i grind my teeth so bad i've ended up with TMJ.:o what a pair, falling apart really eh? its surprising how much is connected to our subconscious over busy minds though - we need an off button for sure.

sounds like jay is having a very considerate spell, long may it last!! xx

PS: just to make things fair my real name is Levi and as you know LL is Luca Jordan- (yay for L names with four letters! Lily too ) our surname begins with L which is why he is LL really

kdalwayskint

Beautiful Lilty x

You and Jelly sound like you have so much fun, I miss doing things with my boy (Ashley), he's almost 17 now, but I remember climbing to the top of one particular tree a lot, we could see for miles. Took me some guts to get up there the first time, he shimmied up no problem and would call to me at the bottom, come on mum come and see.

He loved me reading to him, favourites were Kipper the dog all the stories, Peace at last and there were some books about a baby bear called Bartholomew, I loved getting him to say Bartholomew! I let OH (Jon) girls have most of the books but I've got the books about Bartholomew hidden away!

Now my precious little boy will be 17 on the 1st March, and we've sent off for his provisional driving licence :eek:

All I want to say is enjoy every moment you possibly can with your gorgeous little one, time really does go so quickly.

Lots of love
Kelly xxx

liltdiddylilt

You're all blimmin fab, you know that?

Thanks Levi for the support and advice. I am sorry you have had to go through similar. I have spent years having jobs where I clashed with one or another person and left. I thought I was being so bl00dy grown up by not reacting. As it turns out, I was just allowing her to rack up ammunition without ever building my own arsenal.

Sorry to hear about your lips too. It is an odd compulsion. Mum says it is self harming. I say get over yersen it's a chewed lip :rotfl: - my off button is in the form of one of my antihistamines which clashes with amitriptyline to create a state where I can turn my brain off and sleep.

Lucky compared to your life my love, mine is a breeze. You help me every day that you shine your way through your own battles. You inspire me.

You all do. xx

P.S KD - Kelly - you sneaked in! We do have tonnes of fun, and I had a peep at an 8 week old little girl in her pram in the supermarket earlier today and told her mum she was beautiful. She said she couldn't believe she was 8 weeks old already and asked how old Jelly (who was covered by her sunshade and fast asleep after the days exercise) was... I pulled back to hood to reveal my GIANT child and laughed and said almost three... I cannot believe it. In less than 2 months my teeny tiny little 6lbs 13oz chubby but eensy baby will be a whole THREE. I am deliberately putting off number 2, for a lot of reasons, but one is that I am just enjoying every second with her, and I don't want to have to split my time yet. I want to wring everything I can out of her she is my life blood.

You just reminded me. My 10 year old provisional license is expiring this month :rotfl: I should probably finish learning to drive one of these days and stop using it as ID only. xx

Levi-

My mum says its self harming too! I've Googled about it a few times-and it always seems to have anxiety roots- but nobody seems to have a remedy. I guess it does feel like self harm in that we know we are doing it but still persist, and it does hurt!
I used to also scrape my tongue on my teeth until it would pour with blood and hurt for days, thankfully I've stopped that one.
luv ya, hang on in there xx

stepuptothepl8

Lovely to meet you Lily and Ellie my DD is Ellie too (but Eleanor).

I'm so sorry you're dealing with crappiness. Levi had some great advice there.. Keep notes and dates as much as you can. Document the nastiness and the lack of action by your manager. Then go higher when you've enough evidence. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

Take care of you and Jelly. Hugs