Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

sashybo

Hope to see you back soon Lilt, hugs to both you and the wee cutie. Xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Hopefuljoy wrote: »

My lovely Lilty, you bring so much joy to my life and I really miss you. I hope you are well and whatever you are battling with please don't lock us out! Lots of love to you and Jelly. Xx

Couldn't have put it any better.

Have shed load more hugs Xx

Sholly

Hope you're okay Lilt xx big hugs xx

MagicCat

You will be missed Lilt, take care of yourself and Jelly.

Penguins86

Hope you're okay Lilt and feel you can come back soon xx

liltdiddylilt

I am building up a stash of good things to tell you guys, to outweigh the several bad currently ongoing. Trying very hard to get myself out of a funk before it becomes something to worry about. I am cooking lovely food, baking and cleaning, getting the washing and ironing under control, and trying to entertain Jellytot. I really appreciate all of your love and hugs. When I've built up some positives I'll be back

xxx

NoOneAround

Here's a 1000 balloons just for you:)
xx

dawnybabes

If you want to I don't mind you visiting here whilst you're in a cleaning and baking mood.

Take care x

liltdiddylilt

Hello guys

Dawny of course!! Is your house one of those ones that looks amazing when it is all clean? I used to clean my sisters house whenever I stayed to babysit/house sit for her just because once it was done, it looked incredible, whereas no matter what I do to mine it still looks like a shed! :rotfl: - My baking list is extensive as long as you like bread, cookies, flapjack and melting moments..

NOA I love my balloons... thank you. I am feeling a bit more buoyant, must be because of you!


So.. me. I've gone a bit downhill recently. In terms of Him, you can give him mass brownie points. I have had 2 bunches of unsolicited daffodils, been paid money towards many a trip/food/random expenditure.. He has helped with keeping Jellytot both amused, and disciplined, and has kept his parents more disciplined resulting in a far better eating routine. Yesterday we cracked shepherds pie and tomatoes. Slowly her repertoire is expanding.

There is something vast and unpleasant going off in the background. This is something that I have been sitting with a ball of fear in the very deepest pit of my stomach about for 6 years now. Something I rarely think about and yet still manage to think about on an almost daily basis if you understand. It has had the potential to upset the balance of my life to such an extreme that I could go from my nice healthy accounts right now to bankrupt overnight. It has now exploded into life, in what is potentially a very good and final way. I have assurances that it will not do me any harm, or cost me any money, and yet it is losing me £3000 even as I sit here typing. But that I always knew would likely happen. It also means contact with someone volatile, obnoxious, self-serving and who has tendencies towards an almost pathological kind of lying. Thus I need to arm myself with legal help. Luckily I am well placed to do so.

The reason I can't/don't want to open up about it on here is that it drags my mood down badly for one thing, but also I am not well hidden here and would not like to talk about it openly for fear the wrong people may happen to google/come across my diary right now.

So.. that is reason number one for the absence.

Reason number 2 is problems at work. Bullying to be precise. I have been having problems with a colleague who has been with the company for around 8-9 months now. Yet another incredibly volatile person. I steer well clear of her, because I am far past the teenager who pushed and pushed to be friends with everyone. I understand that not everyone in this world is meant to be friends. And I have sat quietly and let this colleague spill vitriol and frighten almost everyone around her into submission. I have been professional; I have been polite. And still I have dealt with things that in the past would have made me burst into tears. I am able to let go of these things these days. Unfortunately for me, my forgiving live and let live nature has bitten me in a big way. Because unbeknownst to me this colleague has been sending vicious emails about me to my bosses. Apparently not all of her emails are about me, and she often blows a gasket on email to my bosses succeeding in ruining a few days for one boss in particular. But quite a few are aimed my way. I was called into the office last week after receiving an email asking me to keep my head down and be a bit quieter. Now I am aware that I have a louder than average voice. I am a bubbly, happy person, and I am able to work effectively, do my job without a single complaint or issue, and yet still hold the odd conversation across the day, most often about clients, work related things, but sometimes completely unrelated tales about Jelly etc. Once in the office, with the door closed, boss advised me I was there to 'keep up appearances'. Because colleague has, after getting no response in 'months' of emailing bosses about me, gone to another colleague and bent her ear repeatedly over the last few weeks, and has now threatened to file a grievance against the company for failing to deal with office noise. Not all of it is centred on me. She works in an open plan office, as do we all. We are in close proximity, separated by soundboards, and all of our telephones ring each time a call comes in from outside the office. We take it in turns, each taking a day where we answer. And she wants SILENCE. No talking. Whispering when answering the telephones, no discussing work with colleagues, no discussing ANYTHING. Boss disagrees, but is so worried by what she says is a completely unfounded grievance which would be thrown out instantly, that I am called into the office so that it *looks* like something has been done. I am fuming at this, because this is just feeding the nasty womans ego. I have dealt with her cutting me dead when I try and put a call through, dozens of times a day. I am rarely spoken to with anything other than a curled lip and look of disdain. She would rather die than ask me for help with something... has sent emails insinuating that I am not doing my job properly, because I have not provided confidential passwords which allow me a higher access to certain systems, in case she messes up and locks herself out and has to wait for me to come into the office and deal with her ineptitude.(Don't worry I sent back a very cutting response to that one, in a very polite manner, explaining why not just anyone in the company has access to my login!) And now I am the one who is in a position whereby I have effectively had an informal warning for doing nothing wrong. My boss is useless. I mean, seriously, she has employed so many people we almost need to have revolving doors for the in and outflow. She is a terrible judge of character, and whilst she can be fiery about someone behind their back, i.e. in our meeting where she was totally dismissive of colleagues claim, AND YET kowtowing to it at the same time, she is useless in terms of speaking to them. Indeed, I pointed out the hypocrisy in colleagues complaint, since I know more about her dogs, their bladder issues, problems with builders, dad calling from his holiday for whatever reason... without ever having a conversation with her myself. She stands at the desks around me jabbering on for half an hour at a time. And yet her complaint centres on the fact I asked a colleague for help on where to go to buy a particular thing, which took less than 5 minutes even with the explanation of why I needed it. Boss said she had noticed, and also noticed that all other colleagues could have a conversation without her having made a single complaint. So what is boss going to do? Wait until her review and have a quiet word then... :mad:. It puts me one step closer to being jobless. That is a gigantic worry. there is nothing in my work that anyone can find fault with. But I am not going to bow to this woman wishes and sit in utter silence. In all the years I have worked there, and worked very closely with my boss, she does not doubt my work ethic but also knows that I struggle to work in very quiet situations. I would rather have just the lowest music on making a bit of background noise, and indeed she used to let me have my iPod in one ear when I was in an office on my own. So I have to carefully balance it. And this has stopped me sleeping properly, or wanting to eat properly. I can't focus on anything. I have spent money willynilly to occupy my mind for a brief space of time. I have yet again had to up my tablet dosage.

In short, since that is the super long version... I am exhausted mentally and struggling to reconcile myself with the issue of going in to work tomorrow. If it wasn't nil pay for sickness, I would call in and say I was ill. I feel ill. My heads a mess.

There are other things going on. Mums chemo went well at first but she is going downhill fast and it is hard to see. My grandparents are still very ill. My Pop in particular is still in the hospital, and mum did a mad dash to see him the other night because he was fading fast, only for him to rally. My nanny is a law unto herself with the alzheimers. She is not safe, and it is painful speaking to her since some days she has only a vague recollection of Jelly and I. And always wistfully says it would be lovely to meet Jelly, when I have taken her 6-7 times at least when I've been up with her. It is draining for me, many miles away. Let alone mum, dealing with cancer, chemo, hairloss, and parent loss... piece by piece in the case of my nanny. She is a human jigsaw puzzle with a piece missing.

Anyway.. enough of all that. That is the bad and the ugly laid out. Next comes the good. I have been storing it up until I felt positive enough to post what is going on. Can't lose my nerve now.

kdalwayskint

Oh Lilty that all sounds like a right nightmare for you at the moment. I have no words of wisdom but am sending mega hugs for you xxx