Finding A Relationship

The_Hurricane

Hi All,

Does anyone else struggle with this? I just don't seem to be able to find anyone that interests me and I wonder if it's meant to happen or not?

I've done the whole single life thing and maybe for too long but I want to move on from this and I feel I'm unable.

Orlando_Virgin

I'm personally of the opinion that you shouldn't try and force these things because they naturally happen when you least expect them to.

But to do that you at least have to put yourself about, (so to speak) in social circles.

Have you any hobbies, interests, drinking buddies etc? Are you quite a shy person?

A few of my friends have had some success on online dating sites but I'm not a believer myself.

likelyfran

This may be a bit of an age-related thing...
I'm getting into old biddydom and know what you're saying.
It's been my experience that it is indeed true that if you're looking for it/desperate for it, you won't meet anyone that you have a mutual spark with.
And it really is true that it's when you give up/resign yourself to being alone/become happy with being alone - that someone pops up that is right for you!
x

likelyfran

I know it's hard when you live somewhere that you just don't meet anyone but if you live somewhere a bit more happening, speed-dating is good!
If you can find an event near you, grab a friend (although it's fine to go on your own) - if you're female, you just sit there and get entertained by a whizzing selection of males who come and sit with you!

There_Goes_Trouble

likelyfran wrote: »

And it really is true that it's when you give up/resign yourself to being alone/become happy with being alone - that someone pops up that is right for you!
x

This is not true in my experience and I get fed up with hearing it all the time. I go out and socialise every night of the week, have several hobbies and am still single in my forties. I would love to find someone special but it has just never happened. I've done the whole looking/not looking thing over the years and some things are just not to be.

To be honest I've found that the best thing for me is to focus on being happy as I am, with what I have got. I try not to dwell on the things that are missing from my life as I am very lucky to have a job I love, a close knit family and I am very healthy. You only have to spend an hour on this forum to know how lucky I am!

If someone comes along to enhance my already happy life then that will be fantastic, but I don't want to get to old age and realise I've spent my whole life waiting for something that was never there and have been totally focused on something that was never to be.

I'm not 100% happy with my life, but I'm 100% appreciative of everything I have got. Is anyone ever 100% happy? If I can't find love then it's up to me to create a life I can be happy with as a single person. It's not the life I wanted but its still pretty good!

This is what I find to be true:
"Happiness is not about getting what you want, it's appreciating what you have." (Michael Josephson)

dandelionclock30

I think you have to learn to be happy by yourself and not be bothered about finding someone. Nothing puts people off more than someone wanting a partner and being too keen.

LJ9982

Why is it that you feel that you are unable to move on? have you had issues previously with relationships?

from my personal experience, i'd been single a number of years - i've not had many relationships.... i had a weight problem in my 20s and lacked confidence with men. I lost 4 stone last year and decided to give online dating a go. At least then, i could start slowly and just build my confidence speaking to men..... i had a few messages and got talking to this one guy and we just clicked right away - here we are seven months later living together and our first baby is on the way!

I am proof that from feeling that a relationship won't happen - to things actually moving but it was down to me to take that step and get myself out there

egoode

I always thought it would never happen for me but then I was never very proactive in looking for anyone either. I think another problem was whenever I met someone I would immediately think of them as a potential friend rather than a potential relationship so my head was never really in the right place to allow anything to develop.

However last year I decided to give online dating a go and on my second date I met someone I really clicked with and we were together for 9 months (he's got some issues with an ex-wife he needs to deal with before he can really commit to a relationship).

Even though we aren't a couple now he's still a really good friend and I'm glad I at least know now what a relationship is like I've also discovered I'm still really happy to be by myself and if I ever have another relationship that will be nice but it's not the be all and end all in my life.

I'm 34 so definitely doing this all for the first time much later than most people but I really hate it when people say it will just happen after all it's only when I put some effort into it that anything happened for me. However when I went on the dates I looked at it as a chance to meet new people and didn't try to put too much expectation on meeting 'the one' but then I'm not sure I really believe in 'the one'.

Orlando_Virgin

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

This is not true in my experience and I get fed up with hearing it all the time. I go out and socialise every night of the week, have several hobbies and am still single in my forties. I would love to find someone special but it has just never happened. I've done the whole looking/not looking thing over the years and some things are just not to be.

To be honest I've found that the best thing for me is to focus on being happy as I am, with what I have got. I try not to dwell on the things that are missing from my life as I am very lucky to have a job I love, a close knit family and I am very healthy. You only have to spend an hour on this forum to know how lucky I am!

If someone comes along to enhance my already happy life then that will be fantastic, but I don't want to get to old age and realise I've spent my whole life waiting for something that was never there and have been totally focused on something that was never to be.

I'm not 100% happy with my life, but I'm 100% appreciative of everything I have got. Is anyone ever 100% happy? If I can't find love then it's up to me to create a life I can be happy with as a single person. It's not the life I wanted but its still pretty good!

This is what I find to be true:
"Happiness is not about getting what you want, it's appreciating what you have." (Michael Josephson)

I think the way it is best put, is that IF it does happen for you, it's usually when you least expect it. I think there is some truth to that, because you are usually at your most comfortable, confident, settled etc. by that time and people find that attractive.

And no I don't think anyone is ever 100%. I love this quote from the film Lucky Number Slevin:-

Yesterday you were better off than you are today but it took today for you to realise it. But today has arrived, and it's too late... You see? People are never happy with what they have. They want what they had. Or what others have...

emsywoo123

There_Goes_Trouble wrote: »

If someone comes along to enhance my already happy life then that will be fantastic, but I don't want to get to old age and realise I've spent my whole life waiting for something that was never there and have been totally focused on something that was never to be.

I'm not 100% happy with my life, but I'm 100% appreciative of everything I have got. Is anyone ever 100% happy? If I can't find love then it's up to me to create a life I can be happy with as a single person. It's not the life I wanted but its still pretty good!

Best thing I've ever read on MSE. And I've been here years :rotfl:

skattykatty

Originally Posted by There Goes Trouble

If someone comes along to enhance my already happy life then that will be fantastic, but I don't want to get to old age and realise I've spent my whole life waiting for something that was never there and have been totally focused on something that was never to be.

I'm not 100% happy with my life, but I'm 100% appreciative of everything I have got. Is anyone ever 100% happy? If I can't find love then it's up to me to create a life I can be happy with as a single person. It's not the life I wanted but its still pretty good!

Best thing I've ever read on MSE. And I've been here years :rotfl:

Agreed. Fab. Thank you. A reality check for me too, for other reasons.