A Singularly Lonely Christmas

groatie_queen

Here's another TED talk - this time Jane McGonigal's sister Kelly talks about how what you believe about stress affects your response to it, and some fascinating info about the role of oxytocin, the happy hormone and its role in managing stress and building support networks

http://kellymcgonigal.com/2013/12/31/watch-my-ted-talk-how-to-make-stress-your-friend/

There are links given at the end to other relevant talks

LavenderBees

calicocat wrote: »

Hmmmmm.......


I think this thread has changed my actions slightly if last night was anything to go by. Hopefully this will continue.

I was working with bank staff. Normally i'm quite chatty and gregarious during a shift, then just give it the 'see you around' at the end. Due to hermit tenancies I have realised I don't really put myself out to make new friends....(plus i'm quite picky...lol). I just leave them as random meets, or acquaintances in general, or take quite a while letting things deepen further. This means i'm narrowing my possible circle to only the people I spend larger amount of time with.


Anyhow, I enjoyed the chat we had, had same sense of humour (warped due to job), we live in same area etc...bla bla bla.


So I did something very odd for me and asked for her number to exchange numbers for handymen, electricians,builders etc, and I can let her know when shifts come up on the ward.

I never do this normally, I wait for people to come to me.

I have no idea why I do this, i'm not what I call 'a collector of people' as some people are as I can find this quite false...but i'm a bit too much the other way, and was wondering if that's what some of us other singletons do...without realising it.


Anyhow, just thought i'd share my startling revelation this morning.




Off to sleep.....hopefully, enjoy your day people.






Oh....and i'm not entirely sure it's possible for me to go out and not do lunch...even if just a soup or sandwich........never tried it before...kidding.

Yep, that all sounds nice and positive :T.

I was talking with Far Flung Friend the other day about what holds us back from asking for help from others, and basically for me, it is the fear of failing, but will the world fall apart if the answer is no...? No...as HollyBerry says " no biggie"...

And yes, I think we can appear too independent, and too able to cope with everything that hits us (mainly because we feel we have no choice but to cope). Whilst inside, we may be desperate for help, but no one can see that...

Food for thought...



Am back in the house just in time I think...the temperature is dropping and the sky is black :eek:. But I, too, have been making new friends this morning (or at least very useful contacts) in my village. I have met my CHICKEN SITTER :T (but don't say it quickly :rotfl:)

I've met her parents and their chickens and dog, as well as peeked at their cat.

We've agreed a tariff of £2 per visit (her Mam battered me DOWN from £2.50 per visit!! :rotfl:), and having seen how lovely she is, and how natural she is with her pets, I've also asked her to look after my old-boy cat (young-boy is more complicated so will still go to the cattery).

So, not only have I cat and chicken sitter, I also have met a lovely family in my village.

:T

A good morning's work!!

xx

Byatt

Fab news LB, about the pet sitter! :T And lovely for "old boy cat"...does he know he's old??

I'm doing paperwork! :T The stool I was sitting on at my desk, broke though, :rotfl:, but undeterred I am now on the sofa. Surrounded by...well...uhmmm...paper.

LavenderBees

Whey hey!!

I'm on a roll now...

Last year, I finally, after months and months of putting it off, walked to a neighbouring farm and asked if I could have any manure for my lottie. Not only could I have manure, but he delivered it in his tractor a few days later, and wouldn't accept any payment. He even gave me his mobile no so I could get in touch when I needed more. He couldn't have been nicer. I delivered him a nice (I hope) bottle of wine as a thank you.

So, why then did I feel shy about contacting him this year for more manure? Ridiculous really. But I did. And I've put it off for months again. But this afternoon, I've dug out his number and rung him, and he's immediately agreed to deliver some more in the next couple of weeks. Bless him!

So, that's both my difficult things off my list, and both have been so pleasant.

Sometimes I despair of myself, really I do. But making myself "get out there and ask for help" is a hard habit to get into. I think that learning to shrug off disappointment will be a good habit to attain. If he'd said no, the world wouldn't have ended. But it's a brighter world for him saying yes, that's for sure.

xx

P.S. thank goodness I have a good bottle of red in my wine rack to give him or I'd have had to break my rezza not to buy alcohol this year :eek:

LavenderBees

Byatt wrote: »

Fab news LB, about the pet sitter! :T And lovely for "old boy cat"...does he know he's old??

I'm doing paperwork! :T The stool I was sitting on at my desk, broke though, :rotfl:, but undeterred I am now on the sofa. Surrounded by...well...uhmmm...paper.

The way "old boy cat" has been romping around with youngster cat this morning defies his age and ailments. That battery ball gets them romping, I switch it off, and they romp away together. Fab!! :T

Well done on the paperwork. It's a bind.

Don't waste the stool, though...is it wooden? hoy it on the fire??

LB xx

lovelife79

I do so love reading this thread, always has a cheery, determined outlook to it. Even when discussing difficult topics.

I've been taking inspiration again and yesterday found the Pilates DVD I have. Only did the warm up, stretches and how to hold yourself bits. Have had a sore shoulder so this was enough as the stretches were tough enough. But if I do them every couple of days then build up I reckon I'll be doing well:)

Have a busy day seeing family and supposed to be working tonight but took inspiration from another thread and as I had a spare 15mins this morn I uncluttered the living room and washed the dishes. Was so good to come in this afternoon to a tidy house :j

Plus I got some last min annual leave for tonight. Marvellous!

Feeling nostalgic and started watching Cinderella, wish I had a host of lovely animals that helped me tidy and clean, clean and tidy!!! :T :rotfl:

boddy

Hello everyone just been catching up on the thread.

LB Well done on the cat and chicken sitter and sorting out the manure. Im the same about asking for help. I put it off and struggle on or try to do whatever myself. With me I think it's a thing about bothering people.

Calicocat. Sounds like that was quite a step for you. Must admit Im a bit of a hermit too. Specially during the winter.

Having a bit of hassle with a certain mobile company. Changed my contract and want to keep number. You would think I was wanting the stars. They have been contacted five times up to now and say its done but its not. I can see a complaint heading their way.

GB. Those links look good so will be having a look.

melanzana

Does anyone think that being shy, is a reason for much of the angst?

I am so gregarious in certain company, but do not ever ask me to join in non family weddings, birthdays, big parties and so on, I am lost, and can't wait to go home, or want go in the first place!

My OH is kind of similar, but he has much more tolerance for the EVENTS than I have.

I hope I am just shy!

LavenderBees

groatie_queen wrote: »

Here's another TED talk - this time Jane McGonigal's sister Kelly talks about how what you believe about stress affects your response to it, and some fascinating info about the role of oxytocin, the happy hormone and its role in managing stress and building support networks

http://kellymcgonigal.com/2013/12/31/watch-my-ted-talk-how-to-make-stress-your-friend/

There are links given at the end to other relevant talks

Facinating! :T

Both the McGonigal sisters' talks are thought provoking and inspirational. Really well worth watching, to learn to spin what you thought you knew on it's head and look at stress/trauma in a different way. Well worth half an hour or so watching these videos.

I also feel I got a lot from the body language talk and the "grit" talk.

I've subscribed to TED now...never heard of it before. Glad I have now. Thanks, GQ!

Need2bthrifty

LavenderBees wrote: »

Re drummer boy :mad: - NTBT's nefarious skills may come in handy....am sure she'll give you a discount....

What Me!!! :eek: Afraid not, New Year = New Me and the mental picture I have of Calicocat lying in bed in her onesie with a biking helmet (visor down) is just too good – oh no does that sound….pervie, don’t mean too .

LavenderBees wrote: »

So, not only have I cat and chicken sitter, I also have met a lovely family in my village.

:T

A good morning's work!!

xx

LavenderBees wrote: »

Whey hey!!

I'm on a roll now...

So, why then did I feel shy about contacting him this year for more manure? Ridiculous really. But I did. And I've put it off for months again. But this afternoon, I've dug out his number and rung him, and he's immediately agreed to deliver some more in the next couple of weeks. Bless him!

So, that's both my difficult things off my list, and both have been so pleasant.

Well done on getting those jobs ticked off your list, I’m the worlds worst and my own worst enemy when asking for help – I only ask once and if I don’t get the desired response that’s when my independent streak kicks in – over the years I have learnt who to ask and who to give a wide berth – those given the wide berth have also learnt not to ask me for a favour – although I don’t give to get but I seemed to be the one taken advantage of – I’m a great believer in give and take = “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”


Also thinking it would be a shame if the thread stopped. Been having a think about a name change and although wouldn’t want to exclude anyone, the thread primarily about singledom, loss & loneliness has changed. Yes there will always be the feeling alone/lonely spells for people but I think it’s covered a number of coping strategies and moved on, maybe “single life - living it with extras” - but you as the OP may have your own ideas of which direction you want to take it.