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adulterous wife left and i'm after info ???

lurchy
Posts: 36 Forumite
Hi all , will try not to ramble,,,,,,
wife of 15 years has had affair and left , moved in with other 'man'. left the family home me and our 13yr old son. I'm self employed so can switch hours so am coping , so far !
I have always paid bills and kept the house going while she has contributed nothing money wise .
She says she doesn't want the house as moved in with him and doesn't want any of my/our savings ( no she hasn't put any in only took out!!!)........yet ha ha .
I'm going to see solicitor to find my legal rights but while sitting here I thought i'd ask you good people.
rough figures....
house has roughly 90,000 in equity plus 19,000 in bank , earn 30,000 net.
worried she is gonna have my pants down, when she has behaved so badly, not us two.
cheers:(:(:(
wife of 15 years has had affair and left , moved in with other 'man'. left the family home me and our 13yr old son. I'm self employed so can switch hours so am coping , so far !
I have always paid bills and kept the house going while she has contributed nothing money wise .
She says she doesn't want the house as moved in with him and doesn't want any of my/our savings ( no she hasn't put any in only took out!!!)........yet ha ha .
I'm going to see solicitor to find my legal rights but while sitting here I thought i'd ask you good people.
rough figures....
house has roughly 90,000 in equity plus 19,000 in bank , earn 30,000 net.
worried she is gonna have my pants down, when she has behaved so badly, not us two.
cheers:(:(:(
0
Comments
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I am sorry that your wife treated you so badly. I think, though, at some point your wife will take legal advice, and that legal advice will remind her that she has contributed to the value of the marriage even if not by means of wages.
Will your son stay with you? He may feel very torn about this - loving his mum but hating what she has done. Try not to encourage him to take sides.:heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.0 -
He is staying with me, but we have spoken and have both agreed it has to be a civil and not a nasty split for his sake.
Its quite recent and at the min she is happy to take her possesions clothes etc and just go and live with him ( nice , cheers !), doesn't want house or savings...
Have told our son that it's up to him and if anything he doesn't want to do he doesn't have to , wouldn't want to make him take sides..
wont go into it but you don't know the half of it I've found out ....just plain nasty!!!0 -
If you have any joint bank-accounts get them closed and open up others in your sole name. Do it quickly.
DO NOT agree any financial arrangements until and unless it's part of the divorce settlement. Until you have been separated for a couple of years she cannot proceed with a divorce petition without your consent. Never, EVER agree to a divorce without a formal agreement on the finances!
If she starts getting demanding you can warn her that you will go through CSA to get child-support from her and will succeed. In some cases the family home does not get sold until the child ceases to become a dependent at 18 or leaves full-time education.0 -
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^^^ What Mojisola said.
My mother said the same things when she left my Dad and us. Didn't stop her coming back and taking him for every penny she could get. Particularly when the bloke she left him for didn't want to know, he was obviously only after a fling.Make £2025 in 2025
Prolific £617.02, Octopoints £5.20, TCB £398.58, Tesco Clubcard challenges £89.90, Misc Sales £321, Airtime £60, Shopmium £26.60, Everup £24.91 Zopa CB £30
Total (4/9/25) £1573.21/£2025 77%
Make £2024 in 2024
Prolific £907.37, Chase Int £59.97, Chase roundup int £3.55, Chase CB £122.88, Roadkill £1.30, Octopus ref £50, Octopoints £70.46, TCB £112.03, Shopmium £3, Iceland £4, Ipsos £20, Misc Sales £55.44Total £1410/£2024 70%Make £2023 in 2023 Total: £2606.33/£2023 128.8%0 -
Don't forget to make arrangements for child maintenance. She should be giving you 15% of her income if she works.0
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I would guess that she hasn't thought the finances through. At the moment she still has access to the joint account so she's not worried about money. She probably assumes she'll just carry on drawing money out as she needs it as she always has done. I agree you should consider closing the account and opening one in your name for your pay cheque to go into... but expect that to trigger a change in her attitude.
If there's no money coming in that she can access, she'll soon realise she needs to put in a claim for some of the marital assets.Mortgage when started: £330,995
“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” Arthur C. Clarke0 -
BitterAndTwisted wrote: »Until you have been separated for a couple of years she cannot proceed with a divorce petition without your consent. Never, EVER agree to a divorce without a formal agreement on the finances!
In this context, "a couple" actually means five years. You could divorce her immediately on the grounds of adultery and/or desertion; if the two of you agreed to a 'no-fault' divorce that would be possible once you had been living separately for two years or more; but a divorce without consent only becomes possible after a separation of at least five years.0 -
Note that the divorce courts do not usually consider the reason for the divorce when deciding how to distribute marital assets...
It sounds as if she is feeling guilty at the moment, and obviously concerned about the well-being of her child. You could use this to encourage her to agree to a settlement less favourable to her than what a court would award, particularly if you emphasise that the house and money would be used to provide a good life for the child. Do bear in mind that nothing that she agrees will be legally binding until she has taken independent legal advice0 -
lurchy
read this thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4831927
which explains why you need to get the financial settlement sorted out and the risks of leaving it til later.
Please start by moving all your income into a sole named account (including Child Benefit etc). Have you claimed sole person CT discount?
Close joint accounts ASAP.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0
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