change?

Goldiegirl

I don't think anyone should have to completely change themselves to be in a relationship.


I think it's all about tolerance and give and take rather than changing yourself, or for that matter, saying 'this is me, live with it'.


It's better for both people adapt and evolve to suit the relationship

meritaten

hmm - change your basic personality? I am not sure that can be done. compromise - yes you can compromise, but if you are a happy go lucky outgoing personality - why change to an introverted one? That's wrong.
minor changes yes - major changes NO!

balletshoes

horshamman wrote: »

Hi all

New to these forums but a long time lurker

Just a quick question.

Me and wife were having a chat last night and
we got on to the subject of how much someone should have to change in a marriage in consideration of your aprtner's needs.

I swung more to the side of changing for your spouse where required whereas my wife was more like 'this is me, take it or leave it'. (not quite that clear cut but you get the idea)

Just wondered which side of the fence some of you sit?

how much should someone have to change? In my opinion if one partner thinks another has to change, then its not likely to be a successful long-term relationship.

I do however, think that each member of a couple changes anyway in the normal course of the relationship (as they would change if they were single too, its human nature). The trick is to change and still be compatible with your partner and your joint direction in life.

meritaten

is difficult isn't it? during a relationship its normal to 'change' as you age and mature anyway. I think it depends on the 'degree' of change and whether you are willing to?
one partner wanting another to 'change' , you have to question whether that partner really loves the other? because if you want major changes in your partner, then I would question whether you really love 'them'.

heartbreak_star

You cannot, in my opinion, change the bones of who you are.

I tried to do that for someone and it was exhausting keeping the act up.

HBS x

rpc

I don't think it's about changing for someone, but I do think you change.

Having someone there to share your life with changes you. Having a home you both own jointly changes you. Having kids changes you.

I'm a different person to the man that married my wife, but I'm still me.