change?

horshamman

Hi all

New to these forums but a long time lurker

Just a quick question.

Me and wife were having a chat last night and we got on to the subject of how much someone should have to change in a marriage in consideration of your aprtner's needs.

I swung more to the side of changing for your spouse where required whereas my wife was more like 'this is me, take it or leave it'. (not quite that clear cut but you get the idea)

Just wondered which side of the fence some of you sit?

Artemis_Fowl_2013

Doesn't it really depend on what supposedly needs changing?
I'm on the side that if they want too much change then they probably don't love you enough.

mummyroysof3

Me and my husband have had this debate. As we were 20 when we got married 10 years ago and nw have 3 children I'm of the thinking that change and compromise is best but hubby seems sometimes to revert to being 19 and thinking he lives with his mother.

neneromanova

"this is me, Take it or leave it" for me. I was with someone who I tried to change to my ways, it didn't work and we didn't work out. Looking back now, you should never have to change someone to be with them. You should love them for who they are.

Hermia

Surely it needs to be in the middle? No one should change their whole personality, but if someone has a trait that will damage a relationship (selfishness, vicious temper) then they may have to change or end up alone.

horshamman

It's interesting. I agree that you should never have to change someone, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to change when you recognise that you can/could?
I guess wanting to change could be seen as part of the person you are so isn't necessarily betraying who you are?

LEJC

for me its about evolution in a relationship.


As long as you both want and strive for the same things or are content with how things are then thats what makes it work for us.


Whilst I'm physically the same person I was when we met 20 odd years ago...and he is too...our attitudes and goals/lifestyles and aspirations have changed as we've gone along....and are probably likely to change again as we get older...but as long as we both evolve at the same rate I see no reason to change.

System

My husband wants a tall, slim, clever, walking model of a wife who is a brilliant cook.

I want a husband who doesn't swear like a trooper, doesn't smoke and who isn't controlling and impatient.

After being married almost 30 years I think its safe to say, neither one of us has got a hope in hell of getting what we want so its about compromise and tolerance.:)

Voyager2002

"If only women were like bank-notes: so you could swap a forty for two twenties!"

System

Voyager2002 wrote: »

"If only women were like bank-notes: so you could swap a forty for two twenties!"

If men were like bank-notes I wouldn't mind swapping a fifty for a forty!

geoffky

Well, I stopped smoking and Drinking for myself but i am sure the wife is pleased that i did..