Recently Separated - advice needed please...

GWMel

Hi Everyone,

I wondered if anyone can advise me;

I have recently separated from my husband - we were married for 4 years and together for 9 & a half.

He bought the house we lived in in 2004 and we moved in together - although I am not on the mortgage I have paid £400 a month since then towards the mortgage and bills as well as help furnish the home. He is also in the Air Force and I have supported him in his career for the last 9.5yrs and often had spells of 6months at a time on my own at home.

Now that we have separated I have moved out and living in a friends spare room & have none of the things I bought with me as I have no room - I ideally want to get my own place however cannot afford it.

Everyone I speak to is advising me I am entitled to half of the house and his pension…however I am just not sure - I don't feel like I can take half his pension nor do I want to as he has worked for that over the years not me however where do I stand with the house?

He has asked me not to go through solicitors for the divorce as he doesn't want to to get 'silly' and he has said he will give me £10k as a 'settlement'.

I just don't know what to do? I don't want it to get nasty as we split on amicable terms but could really do with some advice…

Thanks in advance...

Excited13

Do you have any children? What did the bills come to? Did you contribute towards the mortgage?

GWMel

Hi,

Yes as I said above, the money I paid was towards bills and the mortgage each month. The bills came to around £300 I think. We have a joint account which shows everything coming in and out for the house.

Nio children.

Thanks

sacha28

Hi GWmel, and welcome

I'm a bit useless on this as I am neither married, nor do either myself or my OH have bought a house but I wanted to ask a question......

You seem like a very reasonable lady, I admire your views on his pension, and wish there were more people like you in the world!! Is your ex as reasonable as you? Would he increase the severence payment to, say, 15k? The reason I ask is that this would be a reasonable amount to place as a deposit on your own house. This way, you wouldn't be lining greedy solicitor's pockets, would remain amicable, and would be able to get a place to call your own

Ivrytwr3

I think the only reason he doesn't want you to go to the solicitors is that you are entitled to more than £10k, which is what a solicitor will tell you.

You are not entitled to his pension, only a part of it - ie the years you were with him and this is not payable until he is claiming it anyway (could be a long wait!).

A solicitor will offer you a free 30 minute discussion; book one.

GWMel

Thank you both.

I genuinely do not have any interest in his pension - he has been in the RAF for over 24yrs & has worked very hard for it.

I wondered how a solicitor would work out what I am 'entitled' too. Maybe half of what the house has increased in value since 2004?

Thanks again

comeandgo

I suggest you visit a solicitor, you can ask them questions and listen to them, you will know exactly where you stand, but you don't have to agree to anything they say if you don't want to go down the route they suggest. I got a half an hour with a solicitor, knew exactly what my "rights" were and then managed to come to an agreement with my then husband - I did not take nearly as much as the solicitor told me I was entitled to as I did not need it and I was of the opinion it was not really mine to take.

paddy's_mum

GWMel wrote: »

He has asked me not to go through solicitors for the divorce as he doesn't want to to get 'silly' and has said he will give me £10k as a 'settlement'.

It has been my sad experience that 'get silly' is usually bloke-speak for 'I want to keep as much of what we own out of your hands as possible'.

The only way you are going to know whether or not this is a fair and reasonable settlement is to seek legal advice. You may want to keep things on a friendly footing and it is perfectly possible to have a solicitor advising you and stay amicable.

However, can you really afford to cut your own throat by going along with your husband just a tad too willingly? It surely cannot be equitable that he walks away with almost everything while you cannot afford to rent even a grotty bedsit?

Ivrytwr3

I understand what you are saying, but he isn't the only one who has worked 'hard' for it; as you said you have had to put your life on hold when he is away 6 months at time and also, have you moved around with him when posted from Unit to Unit?

24 years in means he qualifies for an Immediate Pension and Lump Sum, dependant on his rank depends on the sums. To get to those years he must be minimum of Sgt or Sqn Ldr, so not insignificant sums (Sgt is approx £12k per year pension and £35k lump sum).

Work out the details here for yourself:

http://www.mod-pc.co.uk/

You have also paid £400 per month for 9 years = £43200. Is that right? And he wants to settle at £10k?

I am not saying go for all you can, but you have BOTH worked hard and you should get what you are entitled too.

DigForVictory

You are being so reasonable I want to hide. As I'd *expect* raised voices, crying jags & breaking crockery.
Instead you are painstakingly trying not to take a slice out of his pension to which you are absolutely entitled & whilst you may not need or want it now, in another few decades the picture may have changed.
Expect a solicitor to try to point this out to you, too! Please, go see one. If only to reassure your friend that this every bit as serious as she'd feared?

sweaty_betty

As I understand it, without having to consider children in a divorce, the courts would look at what you brought to the marriage (in terms of financial contribution) and if you've sacrificed anything within the marriage to reduce your earning capacity (such as moving around the country as your OH is stationed and therefore not able to build up your career as easily).
The house is the marital home and you will be entitled to a share of it - the amount will depend on the above two things and possibly others too.
If you can work out how much equity there is in the house, that would be a good starting point. I'm not sure if they would count the years in which you were living there but not married, but a solicitor should know this.
In terms of his pension, if you have supported him during your relationship, sacrificed your career/elements of your life in support of this, then you are probably entitled to a percentage (do you have your own pension? You need to consider this) - it could be that you could reach a financial settlement of £XK, on the understanding that you give up any claim to his pension, but that's why you really need legal advice.
Good luck