Mother issues

skyvicky123

Missprice, thanks so much for your insight. It sounds as though you went through hell and back and did very well to get away in one piece. I don't think my mum was anywhere near as bad as yours, although I don't remember lots of detail about my childhood. I don't remember my mum being very controlling as a child if I am honest. Although she was always there, she was never very involved in anything we did.

She definitely never put me first, and she used to do lots of things to embarrass me in front of friends on purpose, called me fatbum and flipper and liked to point when I was putting on weight She also liked to tell excruciatingly embarrassing stories to people about me in front of me.

I left home at 17 and moved 100 miles away. I had other issues, as my dad had clinical depression, and verged on suicidal and I found the pressure of the whole thing too much, so just sort of ran away from it.

I have to admit to this little niggling doubt that I am the narcissist, not her, but then I think I maintain a happy healthy relationship with everybody apart from her and my sister, and have plenty of friends.

indsty

Just keep thinking how lovely it will be to spend your days peacefully with those you care for and who care for you. You have tried your best with your difficult relative - you do not need to do so any more. Personally, I think FB is a nightmare and have lost count of the number of people I know who have been really upset by hurtful comments - close it, or unfriend all those you don't want (sorry, don't know the right terminology). Be happy with your family and friends. Speak to your children about their cousins, encourage them to remain in contact and explain that you are very fond of their cousins but find their aunty very difficult - they are old enough to understand.

JanCee

Just keep contact to a minimum OP. You don't like either of them so why bother. Complete indifference is a stance I use successfully with my vile step brother. It drives him mad, but that is just an added bonus.

Drama queens thrive on any kind of conflict as it puts them squarely as the centre of attention, which is what they crave. If you don't give it to them they end up making fools of themselves by creating dramas out of nothing, which is what you sis has done. Ignore, ignore, ignore, don't text or FB.

Errata

The perils and pitfalls of communicating via social media, messageing, txts, emails & etc are not to be underestimated.

sacha28

I don't think you were at all unreasonable. You didn't need to ask her if you could play around with the pictures, would she have even known if you hadn't said anything?

I have a vile mother. Anyone who knows me (and quite a few people on this forum I would imagine) knows I hold her in very low value. She put me into care when I was 10 for being 'difficult' (whilst not taking into account I was abused by her ex-husband and she was very physical IYKWIM) and would take me out and put me back in when it suited her. Nothing I ever did was good enough, passing 11 GCSE's with everything I was going through was a personal best whilst she asked if I was going to re-take them!!!

When I left my abusive ex and met my OH she said to my nan 'He's amazing, I have no idea why he's with her, he's far too good'. My MOTHER for christ's sake!!!

Eventually, 5 years ago, I snapped. I had had enough of trying to please her, make her happy, make her proud of me. The straw that broke the camels back started with, funnily enough, a row with my sister over a duff car her then boyfriend sold me. When I went over to pick up the paperwork (eventually) she shouted all kinds of disgusting things at me and then shut the door in my face. My step-dad was in the garden looking horrified and I turned to him and said 'That's it, I've had enough. This is the last time you will ever see me. She doesn't deserve my love or time'. He said 'See you next week?'. I left.

I haven't spoken to my mother since and do you know what? I wish I had done it years before. I felt liberated, free of all the negativity that had surrounded me and made me miserable for 27 years.

My mother has never met my son, nor will she ever. She doesn't know, as far as I'm aware, that I'm engaged to be married. She has no idea where I live.

I have seen her where I work. Unfortunately it was going to happen at some point as I work in A&E, but my colleagues were amazing and made sure I didn't have any reason to go near her.

I wasn't scared about not having her in my life. As far as I could see she had caused nothing but stress, aggro and heartache.

meritaten

oh you poor thing! At the very least you need a break from all this drama and aggro! it doesn't have to be 'forever' - but right now you don't need this and should tell them so. Tell them you will contact them when you feel the time is right and meanwhile please give you some 'space' to sort out your feelings!
The do NOT go on Effbook - do NOT read or listen to what is said about you - cos you do know you will be the villain here? just back away, ignore them and have some peace in your life!

I think what the OP was saying about asking for files of wedding photos wasn't to 'edit' the brides pictures, but to have a go at editing them for herself! nothing wrong with that but obviously someone got hold of the wrong end of the stick...............easy done but to make such a drama out of it!!!!!!!!!!

moromir

I too would have been miffed if I'd been your sister.

Whether the photos have your daughter in or not your comments imply her photographs arn't good enough and you'll make them better.

If you truely wanted to play photoshop why not do it on some photos you already had OR simply asked for the files so you had the best quality to print....

At the very least it was very tactless, only your sister knows if you were sticking the knife in a bit as well.

itsanne

Being miffed at the idea of playing around with photos? If you wouldn't want someone editing them you could just say no - no need to get upset or make a song and dance about the suggestion. Whether or not they are wedding photos, there are more important things in life to worry about!


OP, your mother sounds a nightmare. If you don't want to see her, don't. You don't have to make a decision that it's final. As far as the current situation is concerned, breathing space would do you all good.

Hermia

itsanne wrote: »

Being miffed at the idea of playing around with photos? If you wouldn't want someone editing them you could just say no - no need to get upset or make a song and dance about the suggestion. Whether or not they are wedding photos, there are more important things in life to worry about!

I agree. If someone has done a course they usually want to practice what they have learnt. A friend mucked around with some photos of mine when he was learning photoshop. It never occurred to me to be offended.

HPoirot

moromir wrote: »

I too would have been miffed if I'd been your sister.

Whether the photos have your daughter in or not your comments imply her photographs arn't good enough and you'll make them better.

If you truely wanted to play photoshop why not do it on some photos you already had OR simply asked for the files so you had the best quality to print....

At the very least it was very tactless, only your sister knows if you were sticking the knife in a bit as well.

Do you have your glasses on - or just fancied a rant?