When people say...don't bring anything...

Person_one

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'm female but I've always thought I'm pretty straightforward. When asked once what I'd like for my birthday I said to the OH 'Nothing. Let's just go out for a nice meal'. And I meant it. When he ran this past some male (and female) friends not one of them believed I was genuine - they all told him that I'd be really cross if he did indeed get me nothing. Just goes to show how many women do play these sorts of silly games. When I say 'nothing' I mean 'nothing'. It's no wonder that men and women struggle to understand each other if one of them is hell-bent on meaning the exact opposite of what they say.

I don't like casual sexism - I usually shy away from saying 'women do this' or 'men are like that'. But in this one case I make an exception. Some women, not all obviously, really do behave in these opaque ways. It's like they've been taught it's wrong to be up front, that they have to trick men all the time, that they have to use their 'feminine wiles' to get what they want. Makes me shudder.

The self help book trend has a lot to answer for, with regard to both genders:

lostinrates

fluffnutter wrote: »

I'm female but I've always thought I'm pretty straightforward. When asked once what I'd like for my birthday I said to the OH 'Nothing. Let's just go out for a nice meal'. And I meant it. When he ran this past some male (and female) friends not one of them believed I was genuine - they all told him that I'd be really cross if he did indeed get me nothing. Just goes to show how many women do play these sorts of silly games. When I say 'nothing' I mean 'nothing'. It's no wonder that men and women struggle to understand each other if one of them is hell-bent on meaning the exact opposite of what they say.

I don't like casual sexism - I usually shy away from saying 'women do this' or 'men are like that'. But in this one case I make an exception. Some women, not all obviously, really do behave in these opaque ways. It's like they've been taught it's wrong to be up front, that they have to trick men all the time, that they have to use their 'feminine wiles' to get what they want. Makes me shudder.

We often eschew gifts 'for the sake of a date' because like you, we'd rather make time to be together if possible. We are neither of us gift centric (which regrettably is not the same as not being materialistic).

SkintGypsy

Maybe they will have all their fridge space filled with food for the Xmas period and won't have space for any extra rubbish that people bring.

After cramming loads of extra stuff in my fridge and cupboards to make the place look presentable, the last thing I'd want would be loads of extra stuff to find homes for. Maybe if you do take stuff, leave it in the car until it seems needed?

CH27

Take some good wine but don't take any food in case the fridge & freezers are full.
My fridge & freezer is always packed & my OH & son won't even attempt to get anything out as they can never get stuff back in

Kynthia

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If told don't bring anything then that's precisely what I would do. If they want me to bring something then they should say so.

We're not talking about a contribution to the meal, like dessert or the cheese course, or something the host is short of and it would really help them if you got it. They would say if they needed these things and if they tell you 'don't bring anything' then they clearly don't. What most of us are saying is that we would bring something if someone was hosting us for the day or overnight as a thank you. No host asks for a thank you gift, and would probably not give a second thought if you didn't bring one. Many of us show our thanks in other ways instead of or as well as this token, by being appreciative, writing a note or repaying the favour. No one way is right and we must be doing something right to be invited out.

Torry_Quine

Kynthia wrote: »

We're not talking about a contribution to the meal, like dessert or the cheese course, or something the host is short of and it would really help them if you got it. They would say if they needed these things and if they tell you don't bring anything they clearly don't. What most of us are saying is that we would bring something if someone was hosting us for the day or overnight as a thank you. No host asks for a thank you gift, and would probably not give a second thought if you didn't bring one. Many of us show our thanks in other ways instead or as well as his token, by being appreciative, writing a note or repaying the favour. No one way is right and we must be doing something right to be invited out.

People here are talking about bringing food and drink though which is taking something when told not to in my opinion.

I would write a thank you letter afterwards though.