Need a kick up the bum!!!

meritaten

oh well - it was just a thought! I know some places 'limit' tickets!
Then its 'brave face' time! Ollow, it wont be easy, but for your DD you can do it!
going to cost you a bluddy fortune though! you don't mean to say that YOU are paying for the tickets do you? pay for your own certainly - but if others want to go ............then they pay their own way FGS!
going to cost you enough for new outfit, hairdressers, maybe some new make up - which will be essential for your confidence 'boost' to face ex and his um, arm candy?

lika_86

ollow wrote: »

I would love to believe this but as I said lots of "stuff" went on and she's not the kind of person to feel inadequate especially not against me.

I'm not sure what stuff went on but this is your daughter's event and whatever she is to your ex, she's not your daughter's parent. I'm sure from your daughter's perspective, she wants you there more than your ex's partner, so from that point of view, she may well feel awkward at family focussed events like this.

From a practical point of view, maybe consider whether you can arrive right before it's due to start and then invent a reason why you have to rush off afterwards (an appointment or something) so that you avoid the need for lots of small talk.

Be civil, be polite, don't blank her, focus on the reason why you're there, you're all supporting your daughter.

paddy's_mum

ollow wrote: »

his parents want tickets as well - all down to me to get

Oh, no it's not!! If they want, they organise, they pay, they make their own arrangements.

If that means that they're all sitting at one end the hall and you at the other - that's life, ain't it baby?

Now, repeat after me (in your best he's-behind-you pantomime voice) Oh, no it's not!

seven-day-weekend

I know how upset my son's girlfriend was when her parents seemed unable to call a truce for her 21st birthday party, because of a new partner. I had to step in and comfort her by telling her she'd be able to have two parties. She'd really wanted both her parents to be at the main party.

So... I think the best thing is that his partner doesn't go at all. If she does then you just have to put on a brave face, have a stiff drink, go and be civil to the woman, for your daughter's sake. Good luck!

daisiegg

I'd echo the advice to grin and bear it and get used to it earlier rather than later for the sake of your daughter.

I have a friend whose dad left her mum for another woman about 20 years ago now. Dad is still with this other woman and has now been with her more than four times the amount of time he was with my friend's mum and has had children with her, who are obviously my friend's half siblings. Friend was broken hearted when it came to her graduation and her mum said 'if he goes, I'm not going' so she had to choose between her parents and obviously had to go with her mum. She is dreading the day she might get married for fear her mum will refused to be in the same room as her dad and 'new' woman (though not so new now!).

I know it will be hard, but you can do it. Also, don't underestimate how uncomfortable your ex's new partner may also feel about it. My husband has a daughter....he had already split up with her mum about six years before I met him, but still I feel incredibly nervous and uncomfortable and self-conscious if we're dropping his daughter off and her mum and I catch sight of each other. Doesn't matter that they split up years ago, he is married to me (was never married to her) and there is no history whatsoever between the two of us but still she is the mother of his child and I feel almost a bit weirdly in awe of her. Considering what you say has happened, I would bet anything she will feel strange around you too, even if she doesn't show it.

You can do it! Just grit your teeth and think of your daughter. Good luck.

marisco_2

There is nothing to say you have to have that much contact with your ex and his partner. Be socially polite and say hello then leave it at that. To do much more would send mixed messages to your little girl any way. Having 'mummy' and 'daddy' at an event when you two are split up, does not mean you have to spend the evening in each others company. Do this on your terms and in a way you feel most comfortable with.

ollow

Thank you for your words of confidence, yes I pay for all the tickets and get the money back as and when.

I understand the awkwardness of it all because believe it or not my ex's grandparents were exactly the same couldn't be in the same room as each other.

I realise that she's a part of my children's lives and kind of does the mum things whilst their at their dads.

puppypants

If there are two performances, can't Dad and other half go to one and you go to the other? x

ollow

puppypants wrote: »

If there are two performances, can't Dad and other half go to one and you go to the other? x

That's what we're doing with the school ones, but this one is for a class dd does in her own time.

cookie54

I would only buy yourself a ticket and if they want a ticket its up to them to make an effort and buy one . What would happen if they did not make it to the event and didn't pay for the tickets . If they want to come they make the effort and buy a ticket .. would they buy one for you in advance IF it was the other way round.. Your days of running around after him are over .. relax