Family member at disciplinary

monty-doggy

Nor will I be if I get fired

FBaby

We are not allowed to ask a family member or friend to join us in disciplinary in my organisation.

I personally think that they can do more damage than good because they can easily turn the meeting into an emotional affair, which is not what it is about. Your husband talking about how it has affected you is irrelevant. The meeting will be about whether you are responsible of what you are accused and if you are, whether it warrants dismissal. They will expect you to feel terrible, you wouldn't be human if you weren't.

I've been there and it is horrible, but I got to the other side, and years on, I've seen the people who took me there and made my life miserable at the time pushed out, nothing to do with me, but an accumulation of issues. I'm still there, standing and growing. However dreadful it feels, battle on.

What I would advice is prepare, prepare, prepare. I had built a massive case before the day, gathering a lot of evidence that others had done what I was accused of, and more importantly, showing how THEY had not followed their own policies. I revised my words before I went in. I was shaking like a leaf and felt sick like I never had, but once I got there, I thought I had nothing to lose and felt completely empowered. I delivered what i had to say, leaving all the emotional part aside. When it was over, I was congratulated at how I had dealt with the whole thing and kept professionally. Ironically, I believe that how I dealt with it actually scored me points. I faced two redundancies after that, once only months later, but both times I was kept on when others didn't.

Good luck on Tuesday.

C_Mababejive

Most companies will only allow colleagues and/or recognised TU officials at such hearings.

If there is no one available and you have to go on your own that could be advantageous since it may inhibit them from bullying you and it may not cast them in a good light if they carry out disciplinary procedures on someone of such a nervous disposition without them having the benefit of support.

Why are there no colleagues available? Is it that there simply isnt anyone or are they all cowards?

mountainofdebt

FBaby wrote: »

I've been there and it is horrible, but I got to the other side, and years on, I've seen the people who took me there and made my life miserable at the time pushed out, nothing to do with me, but an accumulation of issues. I'm still there, standing and growing. However dreadful it feels, battle on.

.

The same happened in my case......yes I was guilty of what I was accused of but I wasn't guilty of anything that a reasonable minded person would have considered gross misconduct - the person in charge just wanted to exert her authority and make an example of someone.

It helped in my case that the appeal was with someone far higher up the organisation and it gave me (and the person who eventually accompanied me) a chance to let them know what was going on.....and even though I wasn't successful, apparently the next manager's meeting was a right storm and my manager even turned on her trusty sidekick (who I think also had it in for me) and she then very mysteriously left citing personal reasons.

Monty, I think I would take your OH but only if he felt that he could sit there and not say anything unless directly asked.....if the worse does come to the worse and your deputy is spread gossip about you do you really want to give him more bullets to fire?

monty-doggy

I'm the store manager, so I don't want one of my team there, it's not right plus they are problematic enough without having me to gossip about.

I don't know anyone else outside my store well enough for them to support me.
My oh will just be quiet, he wouldn't judge me he just wants me to be strong and not cry. I think that will be easier if he is there because I'll be strong for him.

ohreally

monty-doggy wrote: »

I spoke to the HR manager today and I asked her if I would be better off resigning and she said I'd be better off attending the meeting

You need to stop speaking to the HR manager. It is she, in conjuncion with your manager, who are holding a disciplinary hearing - can't you see the serious conflict of interest here.

Additionally, under the circumstances, the HR manager should not be anywhere near any welfare meetings with you - can't you see any of this?

monty-doggy

There are two hr managers, the one I've been speaking to isn't doing the disciplinary and told me to call her when my letter came.

ohreally

monty-doggy wrote: »

There are two hr managers, the one I've been speaking to isn't doing the disciplinary and told me to call her when my letter came.

The role function, rather than the individual is the concern. They are not there for your benefit.

Don't you think they might just speak with each other?

monty-doggy

Probably. But it won't change the truth.

I've decided to just go, tell the truth and if I'm dismissed then I have to get on with it end of.

hcb42

Good luck. You may be ok anyway. Just be strong and factual.