Family member at disciplinary

monty-doggy

Hello again

Many of you will know I'm facing a disciplinary on Tuesday and the whole situation has made me very stressed and ill.
When I went for my welfare meeting yesterday they suggested bringing my partner to the disciplinary as they could see how low and upset/emotional I am, and insisted I need someone there to support me. I said no twice but they said 'we urge you to consider it'.

First of all do you think this May look like they already know they might dismiss me (mind doing overtime)

Secondly I feel it's a bit unprofessional me taking my partners especially when I'm a manager, it might look like I need someone to hold my hand. (Although in this situation it might show I'm human)

I can't stop thinking about it.

elsien

I think anyone going into a disciplinary should have someone there with them for support. Who that person is depends on what the company allows and the individual situation/what you think is best for you. If it wasn't your partner, who else would be accompanying you?
Your partner might be good for giving moral support, but is he going to be able to help with the rest of the companion role in an effective non-emotional way?
Or are they suggesting your partner comes along as well as someone else - union rep, colleague or whoever.


I found this which might help you decide:
The legislation sets out that the role of the companion is:
• to address the hearing to put the worker’s case
• to sum up that case
• to respond on the worker’s behalf to any view expressed at the hearing
• to confer with the worker during the hearing.
A helpful clarification for institutions is that the employer is not required to allow the companion to answer questions on behalf of the worker; neither is the companion to be allowed to address the hearing if the worker indicates that he or she is unhappy for the companion to do so.

monty-doggy

There isn't anyone else I can take other than my mum and then I really would feel stupid. I'm a grown woman with my own family!

There isn't a colleague or anyone I can take and my partner will be able to help me explain what this has done to me and back me if I stumble as he has heard nothing but all this for the past four weeks.

I think I will be stronger if he was there, yesterday I cried the second I got in there and I've cried most of today when I think about it. He will push me not to get upset.

I just worry this is a ploy so when they sack me I'm not a mess on my own for them to then ask me to leave.
I could be being paranoid because they did say that if they feel the mitigating circumstances are relevant, they may not dismiss me but it's a MAY and I know I can't have any guarantees but I really am at rock bottom.

elsien

Are you not in a union then, to have a union rep go along?
Take your partner if there isn't anyone else, or if you think he can be a real help to you. Ulterior motives or not, if it helps you to stay strong and get your case across, then that has to be better than the worst case scenario of being in a room on your own, possibly feeling outnumbered, forgetting half of what you want to say and kicking yourself afterwards because you've missed something important.
You have nothing to lose by taking him, and everything to gain. You need someone, we all do in that situation. It doesn't make you look unprofessional, just human. That's why the companion role is in the legislation.

monty-doggy

Not In a union. I really wish I was and after this I will be.

I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I've never suffered from anxiety or depression and never understood people who say they do, but now I truly know how it feels. Anything is setting me off at the minute. I keep filling up at the smallest non related thing and I've pain and anxiety in my chest.
I know it's best to get it over with and know one way or another but at the same time I don't think I've ever been so scared in my whole life.

AP007

If they are suggesting your partner should come with you then I am sorry to say it doesn't sound too good.

In most cases if not all only a union rep or work college would be allowed

monty-doggy

There isn't a colleague I could take and I'm not in a union.

elsien

I know this is going to be really difficult to do, but do try to put it to one side for the weekend. Get out, get some fresh air, don't dwell on "what if's." You'll feel better for it and be in a better place to fight your corner come Tuesday.
There are outcomes other than dismissal, going to disciplinary does not automatically mean you're out on your ear. I've had a quick look at your other thread, although not in detail, and it seems to me that even if you do get fired (which is by no means a done deal) you've made a mistake - it's not going to leave you unemployable, you'll get some sort of reference, you can move on from this if you have to.
I think sometimes conscientious people if they do !!!! up take it much harder than maybe they need to. Try not to let everything get horribly out of proportion.

monty-doggy

Trying to hold it together for my OH and kids.

I'm finding it so hard because I never loved a job so much. And it's nearly Christmas. I'll have a long think. But I know I just have to get it sorted.

monty-doggy

I said I'd go alone twice but they insisted I don't an I'm in such an emotional state.

This is why I think it's the chop.

mountainofdebt

Monty

I have been in your situation before - facing a disciplinary and knowing that I was going to be sacked at the end of it - and in some ways that helped dealing with it - by accepting the worse case scenario, any thing else is a bonus.

When I was disciplined, the person who came as moral support was only begrudgingly let into the building - there was no chance of him even being allowed into the meeting.

In your situation your OH may be allowed into the meeting but be prepared for him not to be allowed to speak