Is anyone else being to pessimistic about their relationships future?

pukkamum

lavalamp wrote: »

I want it to be me too, but I am worried how he would cope with financial stuff without me as he is disinterested now. I often remind him of accounts/insurances/shares to remember if I die because I can see things being missed!

I know it sounds dreadful but I really hope my dh goes first, I know he would really really struggle on his own, not just with finances etc though that would be a factor but being on his own, I'm not sure he would cope.He is very like his gramp and when he his wife died he became a shell of a man who just wanted to go too, he even tried overdosing.
As much as i adore him and his death would devastate me I know I would cope.

pukkamum

Bazey wrote: »

Slightly off topic, but I've just learnt a new word.

Redamancy.

I know I'll regret this.:D
What does that mean Bazey?

FBaby

I was brought up to believe that I should always insure that I would be fine on my own and this was made even more a goal with the initial relationships. I am soooo glad I did make sure I could be self-reliant as I needed to be when my ex and I seperated and I was the only one to take responsibility for our children.

I am now happily married but I could never give up work and become completely reliant on my husband financially. However secure I am in my marriage, I need to feel that if something happened tomorrow, I would be able to cope bare the grief of the loss.

I am bringing up both my boy and daughter to also be independent because with independence comes choice and freedom and these are priceless in my opinion.

Bazey

pukkamum wrote: »

I know I'll regret this.:D
What does that mean Bazey?

I dunno...something about loving and being loved in return. Sugar tits.

ellay864

I wouldn't say I'm pessimistic but I am very cautious this time round having been hurt like hell when my first husband walked out on me for another woman. I became a single mum and was desperately unhappy for a long time. I had a few flings but never felt I could get involved again and it was 4 years after XH left before I met the man I am now married to. I earn a lot more than him and spent a long time worrying how marriage might jeopardise my future and that of my sons. We were together for 5 years before he moved in with me and another 2 before we got married, and I admit than 2 years on from that I still have moments of wondering 'what if' although deep down I trust him.
OP, I'm not sure if you've had a previous relationship that's making you worry this time but maybe the fact that you've had fairly short time together before your kiddies came along is a bit of a factor. There's nothing wrong with feeling you have enough support and resources to support you if the worst happened but don't let it spoil a good relationship. And if you really feel there is reason to worry, make sure you talk about it

coinxoperated

If anything, have a little emergency fund for my get away (if required) makes my relationship better as I know deep in my heart I'm here and with my OH because I want to be by choice, not because I'm a bit stuck.

Fruitcake

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Hiya guys,

I'll keep this short.

I was just wondering if its part of growing up, or that I'm being to negative.

I guess although I've found the perfect guy for me I'm always planning my future incase it goes wrong... i.e only wanting to work 8-5 job that I can do childcare around that doesn't rely on him.

Thoughts?

As far as, if we split up, no. That has never occurred to me since the time we started dating, and it never occurred to her from about two years before we started dating because she knew at some point we would be dating although I didn't see it coming at the time IYSWIM

As far as, what if I die first/she dies first, yes.

Emotionally, both of us would survive even though we would be devastated by the loss of the other one.

Financially, we are both open and have a plan, but it is not complete yet so I need to hang on to this mortal coil a bit longer.

AlexLK

My wife and I have been through some very tough times and she has thought about (and talked about) us splitting up. We have a 3 year old son, whom I for the most part look after. I run a small business and earn a lot less than my wife. Sadly, no matter the position I couldn't leave her and to be honest I wouldn't recommend being in my position.

Fortunately, the silver lining being my wife and I work very hard at our marriage the majority of time (maybe more so than if we were entirely "free") and are currently very happy.

Dunroamin

MissSarah151 wrote: »

You can't be naive and assume that everything is always going to stay great forever though. As long as it isn't preventing the relationship moving forward, and as long as it isn't having a detrimental effect on the relationship then I think its the sensible thing to do.

I think a relationship with these sort of reservations is a relationship lacking in commitment.

mincepiemonster

It never occurred to me that we might split up when I gave up work to be a SAHM. I am more concerned one of us will die, although we're only in our 20s! I don't think DH thinks that way either - when we got engaged, we bought our home outright in both names, with him stumping up 100% of the cash from an inheritance. The idea of keeping anything (emotional, or in terms of assets) in reserve or entering a marriage anything other than wholeheartedly is alien to us.

The only thing which us splitting up has entered the equation in relation to, is when discussing how many kids to have. Initially we wanted 4 kids but will probably stop at 3. However, even that was a more general "Could either of us cope with 4 kids on our own?" - covering illness, death, disability, a change in the nature of DH's job to one with more travel, and separation.

I guess, if we did part ways, I'd survive. I don't think you can live your life thinking about the "what ifs". I know from talking to others that I am quite the optimist in relation to most things, though - it's actually not a bad way to live! It might be called "naivety" or "the folly of youth" but it's done me pretty well so far. Bad things have happened obviously will continue to do so, but I'll cross those bridges if / when I come to them.