Is anyone else being to pessimistic about their relationships future?

Kayalana99

Hiya guys,

I'll keep this short.

I was just wondering if its part of growing up, or that I'm being to negative.

I guess although I've found the perfect guy for me I'm always planning my future incase it goes wrong... i.e only wanting to work 8-5 job that I can do childcare around that doesn't rely on him.

Thoughts?

heartbreak_star

How long have you known each other?

How long have you been together?

HBS x

Bazey

Nope...all rosey here.

Kayalana99

We didn't know each other before hand, just under 3 years. We've got 2 little ones and a mortgaged house and planning on getting married in June 2015.

It's not stopping me moving forward with him, just that I like to have that safety net I guess?

MissSarah151

I think there's a difference between being pessimistic and just being prepared for a negative outcome by making sure you would cope should it end. I don't see the second being a bad thing, just realistic and self-preserving.

Lovelyjoolz

No, is the short answer!

In fact, I actively plan my life to try and improve our relationship's future.

pukkamum

I don't think there is anything wrong with caution so long as it isn't disrupting your relationship, my mum told me every woman and man should have an escape fund, a bit of money put away just in case they are left alone for whatever reason.
However, to live your life expecting the worse is no way for a healthy relationship to be regarded and if kept unchecked paranoia and doubt will damage it.

MissSarah151

pukkamum wrote: »

my mum told me every woman and man should have an escape fund, a bit of money put away just in case they are left alone for whatever reason.

I completely agree with that! And that's not pessimistic, just being prepared.

Bazey

MissSarah151 wrote: »

I completely agree with that! And that's not pessimistic, just being prepared.

For the worst.

MissSarah151

Bazey wrote: »

For the worst.

You can't be naive and assume that everything is always going to stay great forever though. As long as it isn't preventing the relationship moving forward, and as long as it isn't having a detrimental effect on the relationship then I think its the sensible thing to do.

pops5588

I think it's wise for couples to have some kind of contingency plans in place whether they be shared or separate. Even if you remove the whole "breaking up" issue from the equation, other things happen too!

For example when my grandfather got dementia, my grandmother very quickly had to catch up on an entire lifetime's worth of finances, accounts etc. as she had never been involved or had any of her own.

I don't think there is anything wrong with going through the process of "if this person suddenly isn't there anymore, can I manage?" and that doesn't necessarily mean in the context of divorce/splitting up. My grandfather certainly isn't really there anymore, sadly he is a different person now.