bit of help required on birth deception

Jobseeeker

Nicki wrote: »

Its not an either/or situation however. Look for example how Bob Geldof found the graciousness to treat the child of Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence on the same footing as his own children. And there are lots of stepdads out there who keep in touch with stepchildren even after their relationship with the mother has broken down.

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Yes but that child was an orphan. These children have two parents. Since the OP was not married to their mother he would have no rights at all. The mother could at any point say you're not seeing them anymore. Unless the two biological parents let the OP adopt, it would probably be better to cut off contact now.

Nicki

Jobseeeker wrote: »

Yes but that child was an orphan. These children have two parents. Since the OP was not married to their mother he would have no rights at all. The mother could at any point say you're not seeing them anymore. Unless the two biological parents let the OP adopt, it would probably be better to cut off contact now.

Well he currently does have rights. He's named on the birth certificate so he therefore has shared PR with the mother, and its the bio dad who has no rights as things stand.

zagubov

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you had dna tests done? If not and you want to be certain about the twins paternity, that's the next step.

If it is confirmed that the other man is the father, what do you want to happen? As things stand, you are their legal father and can be part of their lives. If they were born after May 2006, you have full parental rights.

If the tests prove that you are not their father and you have your name removed from their birth certificates, you will no rights at all. Will you want to walk away from them and have no say in how their lives develop?

If your relationship with their mother is breaking up, at present she could claim child support from you. Would you want to pay out for her to bring up children who aren't yours genetically but who see you as their Dad?

This is from a few years ago but discusses the complications around the issue - http://jme.bmj.com/content/33/8/475.full

I think it's a despicable thing for a woman to do - for the effect it has on the man and the children.

If somebody stole from your wallet once to pay for their (but not your) kids upbringing, you might be in a forgiving mood.

But this woman stole from his wallet (and his daughter) every single day for .... months? Years even? And lied to cover it.

He’s got a child needing his care and attention. OP should perhaps forget trying to regain what's lost, and do what he can for who he can decide to recognise and accept as his family (and this will need careful and compassionate thought).

And a deceptive fraudster and ( I suppose) a deadbeat dad both need to shape up sharpish as they've got two kids that need their support and that they shouldn't palm off as anyone else's responsibility.

peachyprice

Nicki wrote: »

Its not an either/or situation however. Look for example how Bob Geldof found the graciousness to treat the child of Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence on the same footing as his own children. And there are lots of stepdads out there who keep in touch with stepchildren even after their relationship with the mother has broken down.

If the twins are old enough to have an attachment to OP and if he has up to now loved them believing them to be his own, there is no reason at all, given support and a willingness on the part of all the adults concerned, that he should not remain as a presence in their lives, albeit not still living with their mother, and not being held out to them as their real father.

Like I said, it depends how old they are.

the_pink_panther_2

Being a biological father and a 'dad' are not necessarily the same thing.

You may not have been their father but that doesn't mean you haven't been an excellent dad to them, and should you want you could continue to be this - I don't think their mum has a leg to stand on in preventing this.

It is a very personal and individual decision, depends totally on how you feel and what you want, the twins are perfectly innocent in all of this and should they find out may well be even more disappointed than you are. If you have only found out recently I can only advise you not to make any rash decisions; some people may feel one way initially and then have a change of heart once the situation has sunk in. Perhaps think of how you would like your long term relationship with the twins to be like. I would suggest getting legal advice at some stage to see where you stand.

**professor~yaffle**

A friend of mine found out her dad was not her real dad because she overheard her parents talking when she was a kid. She didn't let on to them that she knew for quite a long time, but eventually she confronted them. In her case, too, the father on her birth certificate was not in fact her real father. Sadly it's probably more common than we'd care to think

I wonder how old the twins are in the OP's case. If they are still babies it'll obviously be a different scenario to if they're school-age children. And what about the older daughter, is she old enough to understand what's going on? What a mess, I do feel sorry for them.

They all (including OP) deserve better than this. The mother is a stupid, stupid woman. Did she really think it'd never come to light, given that OP was out of the country when the twins were conceived.

flashnazia

Women who do this are truly despicable.