bit of help required on birth deception

dobbi

Pollycat wrote: »

OP - just curious:

What are you hoping to achieve if your partner and this guy have broken a law?

Are you intending to stay with your partner?
Are you intending to try to recover what you've paid so far for the twins that your partner now says aren't yours?
Are you 100% sure that the twins aren't yours?
You say that your partner knew this before the birth - but how did she know?
The dates must have added up to you otherwise you would have been suspicious during the pregnancy.

No, not staying with her, not going to ask for anything, she can have the house , car, the lot, except equal custody of our older daughter. she does not know I know, DNA test done, when I got suspicious I double checked the dates and I was not in the country at the time she fell pregnant, would not of crossed my mind to check if she was lying then.

As to what would I do if their is fraud, if I don't get equal custody I would prosecute, no matter what the consequences, given the evidence I have already in writing, they could not deny it. Unmarried so you all know.

Thanks for all your help & replies

Mojisola

dobbi wrote: »

As to what would I do if their is fraud, if I don't get equal custody I would prosecute, no matter what the consequences, given the evidence I have already in writing, they could not deny it. Unmarried so you all know.

You're in a catch-22 situation. If you separate and don't remove yourself as father from the twins' birth certificate, you will have to pay child maintenance.

If you do remove yourself from their birth certs, you won't have to pay CM but you will have no further say in their upbringing. Their mother won't have to let them spend time with you and you won't have any rights regarding their schooling/medical care/etc.

Bennifred

Mojisola wrote: »

You're in a catch-22 situation. If you separate and don't remove yourself as father from the twins' birth certificate, you will have to pay child maintenance.

If you do remove yourself from their birth certs, you won't have to pay CM but you will have no further say in their upbringing. Their mother won't have to let them spend time with you and you won't have any rights regarding their schooling/medical care/etc.

I think he means equal custody of an older daughter, not the twins.

Mojisola

Bennifred wrote: »

I think he means equal custody of an older daughter, not the twins.

Possibly - but can he really bring himself to cut out the two younger children from his life and have no further contact?

Nicki

This is a case crying out for some family counselling and mediation!

OP I can see you are shocked and angry and I can understand why.

Two hard questions for you:

Having brought up the twins as a parent since their birth, do you not love them as people irrespective of their parentage? And if yes can you bear to cut them off completely and never see them again?

If the answer to that question is yes, how will it impact the older child to live with you for 50% of the time away from her siblings and be apart from them at big family events from time to time such as Christmas, birthdays, weddings on your side of the family etc?

Buick

It's not clear how old the twins are?

Sounds like the mum's got a bit of a shock coming.. what she thought of as her little guilty secret is now out, and she doesn't yet know that he knows..

Pollycat

OP, I really feel for you.

How long have you known about this?
I'm wondering if it's only come to light very recently, you're having a knee-jerk reaction (albeit a very understandable reaction in the circumstances) about the way forward for you.

emweaver

Mojisola wrote: »

Possibly - but can he really bring himself to cut out the two younger children from his life and have no further contact?

I would hope not, if he does then he didn't deserve to be their dad. How unfair on the twins, it would break their hearts seeing their older sister go with daddy and daddy not wanting anything to do with them,

peachyprice

emweaver wrote: »

I would hope not, if he does then he didn't deserve to be their dad. How unfair on the twins, it would break their hearts seeing their older sister go with daddy and daddy not wanting anything to do with them,

And bring them up living an outright lie? How is that fair on the twins?

OP, how old are the twins?

If they are very young then I do think it would be fairer to them for you to relinquish contact and for them to build a relationship with their real father, far fairer than you pretending to be their dad and them finding out the truth years from now.

Nicki

peachyprice wrote: »

And bring them up living an outright lie? How is that fair on the twins?

OP, how old are the twins?

If they are very young then I do think it would be fairer to them for you to relinquish contact and for them to build a relationship with their real father, far fairer than you pretending to be their dad and them finding out the truth years from now.

Its not an either/or situation however. Look for example how Bob Geldof found the graciousness to treat the child of Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence on the same footing as his own children. And there are lots of stepdads out there who keep in touch with stepchildren even after their relationship with the mother has broken down.

If the twins are old enough to have an attachment to OP and if he has up to now loved them believing them to be his own, there is no reason at all, given support and a willingness on the part of all the adults concerned, that he should not remain as a presence in their lives, albeit not still living with their mother, and not being held out to them as their real father.