Is this narcissistic?

Mrs_Imp

I have a friend...well, an acquaintance and I was wondering if her behaviour was a bit narcissistic. Are there any good websites with details? I can probably be a bit less wound up by things if there's an explanation for it.

Just a quick example - if we phone in the morning to speak to their parents, then we're just doing it to wake them up and annoy them. If we were to phone in the evening, then I have no doubt that they would see it as us disturbing their evening deliberately. Whatever is done is all about them (usually it's done to apparently spite them in some way).

Thanks

Person_one

The 'narcissism' label is thrown around pretty freely these days.

They probably don't have a personality disorder, most people are a little bit self centred and think of themselves before others, that's just normal slightly crappy human nature I'm afraid!

Errata

Acquaintances are just that, acquaintances. Why do you want to rummage around in their psyches?

Mojisola

This is a brief summary -

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/personality-disorders/types-of-personality-disorder/#.UnTcXSjtpsQ
Narcissistic personality disorder
You are likely to:
• believe that there are special reasons that make you different, better or more deserving than others
• have fragile self-esteem, so that you rely on others to recognise your worth and your needs
• feel upset if others ignore you and don’t give you what you feel you deserve
• resent other people’s successes
• put your own needs above other people’s, and demand they do too
• be seen as selfish and ‘above yourself’
• take advantage of other people.

As with other kinds of behaviour, there is a spectrum - where just being self-centred merges into being narcissistic is a judgment call.

tinkerbell28

Why do you care?

Mojisola

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

Just a quick example - if we phone in the morning to speak to their parents, then we're just doing it to wake them up and annoy them. If we were to phone in the evening, then I have no doubt that they would see it as us disturbing their evening deliberately. Whatever is done is all about them (usually it's done to apparently spite them in some way).

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

Why do you care?

I can imagine it's a pain if you know every time you want to speak to another member of the family, you're going to get moaned at by this person.

Mrs Imp - It's another case of not being able to control the other person's behaviour but changing your reaction to it.

tinkerbell28

Mojisola wrote: »

I can imagine it's a pain if you know every time you want to speak to another member of the family, you're going to get moaned at by this person.

Mrs Imp - It's another case of not being able to control the other person's behaviour but changing your reaction to it.

I see that, but if it's just an acquaintance, why go to all the bother?

I genuinely don't get why people try and self diagnose people.

IMVHO it gives people with genuine, medically diagnosed conditions, a harder time getting treatment, acceptance, help and understanding.

The personality disorder is a popular one, so is Autism.

Oh he acts like a turd, must be Apsergers, Autism or a PD.

People don't all behave the same and the fact is some people are just selfish. It doesn't need a name to make people feel better.

If you don't like their behaviour a label won't change that.

Mojisola

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

If you don't like their behaviour a label won't change that.

I think it can. Most people will be much more tolerant of difficult behaviour if they know it's because the person has a medical problem (autism, dementia, a personality disorder).

tinkerbell28

Mojisola wrote: »

I think it can. Most people will be much more tolerant of difficult behaviour if they know it's because the person has a medical problem (autism, dementia, a personality disorder).

Really? I don't think so. I think people like to use it to excuse bad behaviour, not tolerate it.

Bad behaviour is bad behaviour whatever the cause or reason behind it.

Take autism for example, it was once seen as the debilitating condition it can be with life long care.

Now it's thrown around as the naughty child's/selfish man illness. So people don't understand how complex and hard it can be for real people with the condition.

troubleinparadise

I'd just describe it as rude!

skattykatty

We are all narcissistic to an extent, it can be a very healthy trait.

Taken aback by the amount of 'diagnosing' that goes on in this forum...to what end? No diagnosis tells you all there is to know about another person. Focus on your own responses and what they tell you about you and the relationship you do or do not want with these acquaintances, and take it from there.