Manager work issue

Amanda23

Met my boyfriend at company, works for a different team to me,. My bf got involved with a new project, travelling to US with manager. Few months later I got asked. I was so excited, great opportunity. I worked hard and in UK I moved over to new project.


Manager asked bf if I could return to US as was needed. At lunch/dinner felt that the manager felt uncomfortable around us. On the Saturday manager text BF, asked if we'd had dinner. Manager said we were too far away to meet and BF thought he was annoyed by something.


The next week, manager spoke of next visit plans to my BF only whilst I was there and asked him to book his flight/hotel. Felt sad I wasn't going again and a little ignored/unwanted especially as I thought my role was so needed. BF bluntly told me he didn’t expect me to return either. Felt at meetings, he was saying no to my ideas/suggestions where he always seemed all for them. Bumped into him on Saturday, we chatted and then he thought we were trying to get rid of him. Later invited him out and he said he was ill, our tour on Sunday was cancelled, still ill, but saw him in town from a bus !


On way to company meal, manager jokingly asked if I wanted to return. I joked back in a nice way as was taken back/surprised. BF thought he was just joking too. Wine was being drunk, manager saying to others or to me how I didn’t want to go back etc I emphasised I never said No. After meal he suggested more drinks, manager was saying how I could work in Hong Kong for a time for example if project was a success and the bonuses that could be had.


That final week, I couldn’t say anything right. Other team members thought my ideas were good but no they weren’t happening. Some work I had carried out on my own initiative (liked by another team member) wasn’t happening, He wanted the old way. We nearly got into an argument. His body language was saying come on lets argue. Subject got changed. Later, I got very upset speaking to boyfriend and was looking forward to not returning.


In UK, after a meeting manager called me back and said joking aside, with his head bowed, I know I've joked but did I want to return. He thought I was really useful out there but thought/felt I didn’t want to be there sometimes. I did mention about the mixed messages I felt I received about my return but he didn't say anything.


As much as I don't want to go, I want to see through the final stage of the project. My relationship with my BF is breaking as we talk work 24/7 and end up arguing. I'm really not sure what the next 3 weeks will bring and I'm confused and hurt.

Thank you

FBaby

I'm very sorry but your message is so confusing, it is almost impossible to follow the trend. In the end, I couldn't make up whether you wanted to go (where?) or not.

The relationship between you, your BF and boss is really odd too. No ideal what advice you are looking for.

monty-doggy

Your message makes no sense at all.

Can't understand who said/did what and when.

paulineb_2

I dont get this thread either. And the relationship you both seem to have with your boss does sound odd, really not professional at all.

Errata

Sounds like the old story: don't !!!! where you eat.

daisiegg

No idea what you are on about I'm afraid.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Ditto. What is the question?

Perhaps if you wrote 'I was on my way to x and my boyfriend or my manager did or said y or x'...the way you have written your post is incredibly hard to follow.

~Beanie~

Amanda23 wrote: »

Met my boyfriend at company, works for a different team to me,. My bf got involved with a new project, travelling to US with manager. Few months later I got asked. I was so excited, great opportunity. I worked hard and in UK I moved over to new project. So have you been to the US and are now back?


Manager asked bf if I could return to US as was needed. At lunch/dinner felt that the manager felt uncomfortable around us. Do you always have lunch/dinner with your manager? On the Saturday manager text BF, asked if we'd had dinner. Manager said we were too far away to meet and BF thought he was annoyed by something. What has it got to do with your manager whether you have had dinner or not?


Felt at meetings, he was saying no to my ideas/suggestions where he always seemed all for them. who? Your BF or manager? Bumped into him on Saturday, we chatted and then he thought we were trying to get rid of him. How do you know? Later invited him out and he said he was ill, our tour on Sunday was cancelled whst tour?, still ill, but saw him in town from a bus ! Stop socialising with your manager.

That final week, final week of what? I couldn’t say anything right.

As much as I don't want to go, I want to see through the final stage of the project. My relationship with my BF is breaking as we talk work 24/7 and end up arguing. I'm really not sure what the next 3 weeks will bring and I'm confused and hurt.

I don't understand either.

What are you confused and hurt about? Whether you will go back to the US or not? Can't you just ask your Manager straight and say that you really enjoyed the opportunity and would like to return?

You and your BF need to find other things to talk about other than work as well.

thorsoak

You need to clarify your concerns - are they about your manager? Are they about your boyfriend? About being part of the team? Or being in the UK or USA?

Is English your native tongue? If it is, then I suspect that you have problems in putting your points across. A team project is not "all about me" - it demands input from all its members, and then the best bits picked from all.

duchy

I'm baffled too
Is it your boyfriend who doesn't want you on the same project
Is it your manager who doesn't (and if so is it because you don't gell with the rest of the team or because he doesn't think a couple within the team is a good dynamic?)
I know you're confused but if you could read back your first post and edit so we can actually understand the issues it'd be helpful (Try avoid using "He" so we know which one said what and use specific instances rather than vague references )

Counting_Pennies_2

To be honest it sounds like you have a choice to make.

Relationships in the same company never work.

I met my husband at work, but it was never going to be successful all the time we were in the same company. I moved on to another company and we continued our relationship.