For resident parents with contact orders, how do you figure out Xmas contact?

SunshineButterfly

Last year he had the children at his on Christmas eve and I collected them on Christmas Day at 4pm. I had my Christmas Day for them on Boxing Day

Hobbyhorse15

I'd say it depends on the age of the children primarily then possibly depending on ages take their wishes into account.

Mine at 14 and 9 didn't want to go to their father's for xmas and ex wasn't that bothered so didn't push it.

It also means the children's day is disturbed. Might not be a problem if ex lives 5 mins walk away but if travel is involved someone has to be interested in doing it.

Ours sorted out to xmas day with me but xmas eve and boxing day with ex. It's an arrangement that has suited our circumstances.

SunshineButterfly

duchy that sounds like a good idea. His weekend closest to Christmas means the children come back home on the 23rd December.
So I could offer 3 night Xmas week and then the week after would be his usual contact weekend anyway?
Even thinking of the time for them to go is complicated as I have no idea what gives both parents enough time for presents etc. I know he has a big family so would enjoy Christmas dinner with the boys, but this is also my first year with my new partner who will be having a big family day and both me and the children have been invited. But they don't have the big dinner until 4/5pm. So I would need to either send them to dads for their dinner or keep them for the entire day so that they can properly enjoy it.

I hate that I doubt my decisions with the children, I always feel guilty and worry I am not making the 100% correct decision.

SunshineButterfly

Hobbyhorse15 wrote: »

I'd say it depends on the age of the children primarily then possibly depending on ages take their wishes into account.

Mine at 14 and 9 didn't want to go to their father's for xmas and ex wasn't that bothered so didn't push it.

It also means the children's day is disturbed. Might not be a problem if ex lives 5 mins walk away but if travel is involved someone has to be interested in doing it.

Ours sorted out to xmas day with me but xmas eve and boxing day with ex. It's an arrangement that has suited our circumstances.

The children are 3 and 5 years old.

duchy

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

duchy that sounds like a good idea. His weekend closest to Christmas means the children come back home on the 23rd December.
So I could offer 3 night Xmas week and then the week after would be his usual contact weekend anyway?
Even thinking of the time for them to go is complicated as I have no idea what gives both parents enough time for presents etc. I know he has a big family so would enjoy Christmas dinner with the boys, but this is also my first year with my new partner who will be having a big family day and both me and the children have been invited. But they don't have the big dinner until 4/5pm. So I would need to either send them to dads for their dinner or keep them for the entire day so that they can properly enjoy it.

I hate that I doubt my decisions with the children, I always feel guilty and worry I am not making the 100% correct decision.

I'd take the early morning wake up and present opening and then wave them off to their Dad's for dinner-that way you both get to see a bit of their Christmas magic

peachyprice

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

Last year he had the children at his on Christmas eve and I collected them on Christmas Day at 4pm. I had my Christmas Day for them on Boxing Day

Wouldn't it then be fair to reverse that arrangement for this year?

tattycath

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

duchy that sounds like a good idea. His weekend closest to Christmas means the children come back home on the 23rd December.
So I could offer 3 night Xmas week and then the week after would be his usual contact weekend anyway?
Even thinking of the time for them to go is complicated as I have no idea what gives both parents enough time for presents etc. I know he has a big family so would enjoy Christmas dinner with the boys, but this is also my first year with my new partner who will be having a big family day and both me and the children have been invited. But they don't have the big dinner until 4/5pm. So I would need to either send them to dads for their dinner or keep them for the entire day so that they can properly enjoy it.
.

...this is exactly why it's better to not do swap overs on Christmas Day, so all parties get to enjoy christmas with their children every other year instead of splitting the day up!

Fosterdog

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

duchy that sounds like a good idea. His weekend closest to Christmas means the children come back home on the 23rd December.
So I could offer 3 night Xmas week and then the week after would be his usual contact weekend anyway?
Even thinking of the time for them to go is complicated as I have no idea what gives both parents enough time for presents etc. I know he has a big family so would enjoy Christmas dinner with the boys, but this is also my first year with my new partner who will be having a big family day and both me and the children have been invited. But they don't have the big dinner until 4/5pm. So I would need to either send them to dads for their dinner or keep them for the entire day so that they can properly enjoy it.

I hate that I doubt my decisions with the children, I always feel guilty and worry I am not making the 100% correct decision.

Keeping your new partner and his family happy is not as important as the children getting good quality contact with their father.

With OHs kids we usually have them from 2ish on christmas day and all of boxing day, they are with their mother christmas eve and first half of christmas day. It should really be every other as stated in the contact order but she will not allow her children to not wake up in her house on christmas day so the one year OH tried to enforce the order she selfishly stopped him seeing them at all for several months while it went back to court.

How long has the contact order been in place? If it has been a while then the court may well grant him more access as the children get older, they often limit overnights away from the PWC when the kids are younger but increase them as they grow older and more independent.

SunshineButterfly

The contact order has only been in place for 4 months. He appealed the judges decision only last week which was denied by a high judge.
So I have to be careful how much "extra" contact I allow the children with their father as social services have stated in documents that the contact with dad was affecting the childrens emotional well-being.
But of course I want to allow the children to see their father as much as they want to and for them to have a meaningful relationship. It is just hard to get the correct balance.

minimoneysaver

I think that puts a whole new spin on things. What does your 5 year old have to say about it all?

Does Dad want them on xmas day? x