For resident parents with contact orders, how do you figure out Xmas contact?

SunshineButterfly

I know each situation is different, but I wondered if you could share how you come to a decision on how much contact to offer over Christmas and of what days?

I thought 12-1pm on Xmas day for the boys to go to their fathers so that they get to spend the day with both parents. But then I have no idea how many nights to offer to their father alongside it?

I have a feeling that whatever I offer will not be good enough, so I need to make a decision I know the children will be happy with and to stick to it, but I have never had to do this before so I am unsure as to what to offer that would be best.
Help?

duchy

Rather than cart the kids to and fro some parents chose to have two Christmas days -one in each home TBH an hour on Christmas day sounds incredibly mean - something like ....stay at one home Christmas Eve until about 1pm ish or even for Christmas lunch too and then off to the other parent's for the rest of the day and overnight seems fairer. Perhaps Christmas Lunch at one home (an early lunch ) then off to the other home for the afternoon a Christmas tea and stay the night.

A lot will depend on if both parents feel they need to celebrate on the day itself or if one is fine with celebrating on a different day but having the whole day.

Perhaps instead of "deciding" alone you could offer options to the NRP and see what they say and decide together if you can find something that suits you both.

Same goes for overnights.....you've given no indication of how often the children stay in a normal week or month so it's impossible to say what is or isn't fair.

SunshineButterfly

Sorry just to clarify when I said 12-1pm I meant the children going to their dads between 12 o clock and 1 o clock lol. I didn't mean they would only see him for an hour. Sorry I did not realise how it read until you pointed it out.

SunshineButterfly

duchy wrote: »

Same goes for overnights.....you've given no indication of how often the children stay in a normal week or month so it's impossible to say what is or isn't fair.

The current contact order gives dad alternate weekends currently with a phone call on the weekend he does not have the children.

tattycath

When my ex and myself sorted christmas for our children, it was decided that one year they would spend christmas with me and the new year with him and then we would alternate.
So when it was his turn to have them for Christmas, they would be with him for a week-a couple of days or so before until the day after Boxing Day. Then I would have them from the day after Boxing Day. The following year they went to him the day after Boxing Day for a week. This way it meant they didn't have to rush about on Christmas Day. No child wants to open their presents then not get time to play with them coz they have to go somewhere else.
We felt this was fairer for the children and us, the parents. It also meant they could spend time with their maternal and paternal families.

duchy

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

Sorry just to clarify when I said 12-1pm I meant the children going to their dads between 12 o clock and 1 o clock lol. I didn't mean they would only see him for an hour. Sorry I did not realise how it read until you pointed it out.

Errrr It must be me cos it still doesn't make sense :rotfl:

Oh so Christmas morning with you then off to Dad's for the rest of the day ?
Gotcha

It may be worth thinking ahead a bit to future years and having the whole day alternate years rather than shunting the kids from house to house on Christmas day... a lot depends on their ages though.

FBaby

Does the order not refer to holiday arrangement? My ex and I used to make an effort and still spend the day together when the children were little. When they go bigger, we divided the day. One year he has them Christmas even up Christmas day 3-4pm ish and the next year we do the opposite. He will then have them some days during the rest of the holidays. He used to never want to have them on New Years Eve when it was party time, but not that he is settled, he insists on it. Again, we usually do every alternate year.

duchy

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

The current contact order gives dad alternate weekends currently with a phone call on the weekend he does not have the children.

Have you asked him what he thinks would be fair (he may be assuming he isn't getting anything extra overnight wise)

SunshineButterfly

If I ask him he will ask for half of Xmas day plus the week after, but he is still being awkward and demanding half the week every week.. so I am trying to stick to my guns and offer what is fair for the children, but what minimises any potential problems.

The judge decided not to order any contact during holidays as it is long periods of time with him that was causing the concerns. He did however put in the order that any additional contact can be offered if agreed in writing by both parents.

I have offered extra contact over this school holiday for example, but do not allow more than 3 nights in a row.

Acc72

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

I thought 12-1pm on Xmas day for the boys to go to their fathers so that they get to spend the day with both parents.

Hopefully you are on civil terms with your ex - if so, why not just ask / talk about it ?

Based on the above comment (which I also read to mean that you would allow 1 hour contact on Christmas Day) it would be easier to do this the old fashioned way (i.e. actually talk) rather than text / e-mail / facebook etc. as things can easily get misunderstood.

duchy

SunshineButterfly wrote: »

The judge decided not to order any contact during holidays as it is long periods of time with him that was causing the concerns. He did however put in the order that any additional contact can be offered if agreed in writing by both parents.

I have offered extra contact over this school holiday for example, but do not allow more than 3 nights in a row.

So offer 3 nights Christmas week and three nights New Year week-keeps to your "rules" but is still generous.