Single parents & Holidays

[Deleted User]

Louise I do get this, I do work 18 actually, but in practise, 4 of the 5 school days per week are taken up with work or travelling, so my 5th is spent doing my housework, supermarket shopping, helping at school etc.

If I am not working, I am on childcare duty. I don't have annual leave for myself, so why should he? Maybe when the kids are older and a bit more self sufficient, then its different, but at the present time I don't feel he is being fair. He has 6/7 nights a week to do as he pleases too and if the kids are ill they stay with me as he lives with elderly parents.

I work less than him because I have to work school hours so I can provide childcare for the remaining time, yet I still provide more holiday cover than him. Anyway I'm getting annoyed again, so i'll take another chill pill. Its just another injustice I'll have to swallow.

cte1111

Unfortunately you can't force your ex to spend all his holidays with your children. I think compared to many NRP, he's actually doing a reasonable amount.

I do think with a day at home without the children, you can try to make time for yourself. Everyone that works full time has to do their housework, shopping and other chores at the weekends and in the evenings. Perhaps try to schedule some of these tasks for after-school? It would be good for the children to share in 'helping' around the house and they'd probably quite enjoy a trip to the supermarket.

JoW123

Deleted_User wrote: »

Louise I do get this, I do work 18 actually, but in practise, 4 of the 5 school days per week are taken up with work or travelling, so my 5th is spent doing my housework, supermarket shopping, helping at school etc.

If I am not working, I am on childcare duty. I don't have annual leave for myself, so why should he? Maybe when the kids are older and a bit more self sufficient, then its different, but at the present time I don't feel he is being fair. He has 6/7 nights a week to do as he pleases too and if the kids are ill they stay with me as he lives with elderly parents.

I work less than him because I have to work school hours so I can provide childcare for the remaining time, yet I still provide more holiday cover than him. Anyway I'm getting annoyed again, so i'll take another chill pill. Its just another injustice I'll have to swallow.

I'm afraid that's how it is as a single parent in a lot of cases. My ex takes no annual leave at all to have the children. All the childcare is down to me to sort. He will occasionally have them a day in school holidays when I work if I ask him well enough in advance. The only advice I can offer is to try not to get too wound up about it 'cos its just wasted energy when you have enough on your plate.

[Deleted User]

CTE, thanks for your reply. I know I can't force him to spend more time with the kids on school holidays, but I don't think he is doing a reasonable amount, I think its the bare minimum. I find it frustrating that people seem to think it ok to say "well he is doing better than some", so that makes it ok?? He should be doing his very best, not just better than some.

I know I could take the kids around the supermarket, but twice a week they have clubs, one night they go to their dad's (I work later) and the other two, I want to spend quality time (reading, friends round, relaxing, lego etc). If I drag them round Mr T's I spend more too!!

Its not about time management, its about what's fair. But I should be used to one rule for one and one rule for another.

Just feeling a tad hard done by tonight.

[Deleted User]

Jo I know, I do try, but just sometimes I feel like ARGH!!!

[Deleted User]

Your Ex is making mine look quite good, which I know it CTE's point.

Louise03

Deleted_User wrote: »

Louise I do get this, I do work 18 actually, but in practise, 4 of the 5 school days per week are taken up with work or travelling, so my 5th is spent doing my housework, supermarket shopping, helping at school etc.

If I am not working, I am on childcare duty. I don't have annual leave for myself, so why should he? Maybe when the kids are older and a bit more self sufficient, then its different, but at the present time I don't feel he is being fair. He has 6/7 nights a week to do as he pleases too and if the kids are ill they stay with me as he lives with elderly parents.

I work less than him because I have to work school hours so I can provide childcare for the remaining time, yet I still provide more holiday cover than him. Anyway I'm getting annoyed again, so i'll take another chill pill. Its just another injustice I'll have to swallow.

Look at it this way. You probably get more "child free-time" than if you and ex were still together.
When I was a single parent working part-time, I didn't appreciate how much spare/free time I had compared to the present, where I am juggling full-time work, family and partner, not to mention cooking, cleaning, pets, shopping I could go on but it is too boring

paulineb_2

Deleted_User wrote: »

CTE, thanks for your reply. I know I can't force him to spend more time with the kids on school holidays, but I don't think he is doing a reasonable amount, I think its the bare minimum. I find it frustrating that people seem to think it ok to say "well he is doing better than some", so that makes it ok?? He should be doing his very best, not just better than some.

I know I could take the kids around the supermarket, but twice a week they have clubs, one night they go to their dad's (I work later) and the other two, I want to spend quality time (reading, friends round, relaxing, lego etc). If I drag them round Mr T's I spend more too!!

Its not about time management, its about what's fair. But I should be used to one rule for one and one rule for another.

Just feeling a tad hard done by tonight.

I understand. But speaking as someone who grew up in a family where my dad did nil and I mean nil, my brothers dad was exactly the same, there are parents who do nothing for their children

My mum was and still is a teacher, but at one point she was facing the prospect of having to give up work because she was struggling to get me into a nursery, my gran and grandpa worked at that time and the school she was teaching in said, you cant go part time, its full time or nothing. It was resolved in the end and in later years, my gran didnt go back to work after my grandpa died suddenly so she was there a lot of the time, eg after school.

Im not saying that just because it was like that for us and I bet other people that you should be grateful for anything.

But some fathers dont care as much as they should. If he doesnt want to assist to make your working life easier, Ive no idea what to suggest, I dont have kids.

But bashing your head off a brick wall is only going to leave you with a sore head. Some people are all the people they are ever going to be, thats certainly been my experience with my own father.

Well, I dont often call him that given that I can barely remember who he is.

Spendless

Deleted_User wrote: »

Spendless, I am working 3 days out the house and 1 day from home, but that can be juggled over evenings or when I can fit it in.

For 2014 ExDH is offering 2 full weeks and 5 days to fill gaps.

He is keeping the rest for his own personal use.

Its very annoying. It feels to me that he dips in and out when it suits. I have tried explaining that if he was still living with us he wouldn't take 1-2 weeks A/L away from the family, so why should he now? He left me, not the children!

Is ex saying when those weeks will be or is it up to you to tell him when you need him? If the latter, have a think about some school holiday weeks have bank hols within them eg Easter, Xmas, May 1/2 term and last week of August. The others don't. Does it work out better if you have the children at home these weeks or if ex has them?

cte1111

Life isn't fair though. It's not fair that you get to see your kids every day and your ex doesn't. It's not fair that you can manage financially working part time and therefore can pick your kids up from school every day, whilst many other parents have to work full time to manage and can't do this.

I'm not unsympathetic but I do think you should be realistic. In life, we have to accept things we can't change and deal with them as best we can.

If your children are at a club after school one day, then why not use this time to clean / shop etc? Schedule time for yourself on your day off work and enjoy it. This might help you feel less resentful for your ex's free time a couple of weeks on the year.