Kate's Journey

Kate_fixing_it

Thank you all. I got a couple of hours sleep on the sofa. He's ignoring me this morning. I have absolutely nothing to say to him.

I pointed out that his IVA contributed to the problem and I was told it's all my own fault.HHe's said that he's taking the kids but he has nowhere to go, the lease on the house is in my sole name because he failed the credit check before we rented. He's also working away again this week so he's not going to be able to care for them.

I'd love to get out of the house but the car still isn't fixed so I'm kind of stuck here. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. A lot of things were said that I don't think I can forgive.

I am, however, going to follow the advice above. I'm going to cover the needs of the kids and just look after myself today. One way or another I'll get through this but right now it's just one hour at a time.

Thank you all again

Kate x

in_need_of_direction

At least you'll have a week's kinda trial separation.

her_welshness

I don't normally post on here but I have read your diary from the beginning and have found it inspiring and you are a positive person.

I think that your DH is trying to walk you into a divorce, judging by what you posted this morning. Sometimes you get the one person in that relationship who will just stall/do nothing in order to push the other one to act. This ties in with his inability to acknowledge his own responsibility with regards to your finances. If this attitude of his continues then I can't see how he is going to help you on your 'journey' of fixing things, which you are doing so wonderfully well.

As for him taking the kids, how is he going to do that when he can't get a rent agreement? To be fair to him he sounds very depressed and feels stuck, hence why he has lashed out at you and made threats which he cannot act on. I think the balls in your court.

Inneedofdirection is right - we are here for you. Keep going lovely.

dawnybabes

Nothing to add, but make sure you take care of yourself x

lucielle

You come across as a very strong woman, you are capable of anything you set your mind to. Take this week to work out what YOU want. Take care.
L

Kate_fixing_it

I can't begin to express how much your support means to me or how grateful I am.

He's not spoken to me all day and has taken the kids out to play. His friend came round earlier and I could hear them talking but he won't speak to me. I've not managed to get any sleep but I've spent time with DD1 and DS1. They know nothing. He's been doing laundry and mowed the lawn which I can't understand.

I really haven't a clue what to do now. I do love him but I can't live like this and I certainly don't feel strong or inspirational as some have suggested. I just feel incredibly down and scared but thanks to all of you not alone.

We are going to have to talk and decide on what happens next. I think separating, at least on a temporary basis is what I need for now. I have to deal with the debt as a priority but I cannot have him hanging it over my head while I do. I'm far from perfect and I've made mistakes but I refuse to spend every day paying for them. The debt is simply a symptom of bigger problems and whether we can fix those is a whole new can of worms to be opened.

Thank you all so much for kind words.

Kate x

Skinnylatte

Hey Kate,
I just caught up with your diary, so sorry to hear what a tough time you're having, you don't need this on top of everything else. You are doing so AMAZINGLY well.
It's such a shame that DH can't be there for you, as some-one else said, maybe his head isn't in a good place right now.
Don't make any big decisions just now, a break is what you both need, take care of your self
Hugs xxx

Kate_fixing_it

Quick update, we're still together. He claims to not remember what was said, I don't believe him. I repeated most of it (in an even less confrontational way) but there were snippets I hadn't repeated that he brought up.

We're trying to find a way through this with a fairer distribution of finances, housework and child related responsibilites. I hope to God this works because I can't see anywhere else to go if it doesn't. Time will tell but for now we're in a better place even if we are still walking on eggshells to some extent.

It's the busiest week of the year at work (I really didn't need this on top!) and my boss has been fantastic. I worked from home on Monday and he's aware of the entire situation. He's fielded the more "difficult" people at work and accepts my way through home stress is to temporarily bury myself in work but he did draw a line and tell me to leave the office yesterday.

The debt situation is moving on too. The calls have begun. One from HSBC last night went really well, the loan account is on hold for 60 days whilst the DMP gets up and running and the woman on the phone was lovely. I've had a few letters - nothing actually asking for payment, just requests to reset direct debits. All a lot easier than I expected. I only hope that the others follow suit now.

Thank you all again, I don't know how I'd have got through the weekend without you all.

Kate x

in_need_of_direction

Kate, am so glad to hear that things have improved a bit. Yay to an understanding boss. The egg shell thing will continue for a bit and while not ideal, one household is cheaper to maintain than two. I don't know how things will work out but for as long as you are together, keep focused on making the progress you've been making and shout out if there's anything any of us can do to help. Do remember that although things have steadied a bit, you have been well and truly through the mill with emotions and sleep deprivation so take care of you the way you would the wee ones.

Skinnylatte

I hope you're ok x

From some-one who is single as a result of a broken marriage, I wish I'd done more at the time to keep in together. I think there's a lot to be said at sticking at something and working though it, not always of course, but in many cases I think we give up to easily, expect too much.

I truly hope you can work through this with your OH, and he comes to realize what a great family he has. Stay strong xx