Kate's Journey

Kate_fixing_it

Quick update and GOOD NEWS!!!

Email received from call credit and they've accepted the dissociation from ex-husband! We split almost 14 years ago but are still listed as linked! As he has multiple CCJs that should improve my credit rating admittedly it's going to be blown apart over the next few months but that's my doing and I've accepted it. So I'm happy.

Good news number two - DH is in discussions for a raise after the first month they're really happy with his work and it's just a case of negotiating a figure

Hopefully these things come in 3s. I'd quite like the 3rd one to be a call saying I've won the Daybreak competition I entered for free online, £36k would make me extremely happy then again I'd be almost as happy if all my creditors accept the DMP with no fuss and stop all interest immediately and it's probably got the same odds of happening.

For now I'm going to revel in the good stuff and make the most of it

Kate x

Kate_fixing_it

No call to tell me I've got a cheque for £36k on the way but... a third bit of good news has appeared I'm lucky enough to work for a limited company that gives annual payrises and it's just been announced! 2.7%! Okay so after tax that's an extra £36 a month but it's better than I expected

I made my apologies at a team meeting this morning and everyone was lovely, they all assured me I wasn't horrible at all and I feel better for saying it

Good day all round

Kate x

in_need_of_direction

Glad to hear things are looking up

Kate_fixing_it

Over a week since I last updated and you've really not missed much!

Bank account is operational. After a LOT of drama I finally got my salary in there at lunchtime today. For the first time in longer than I can remember I have a current account with a credit balance! No word from any creditors yet (no news is good news ) but I only started missing payments yesterday.

Leg is forcing me to take it easier, the pain levels are pretty epic but we're now 2 weeks and 6 days away from surgery

Yesterday was a bit of an eye opener. We have a hot desking policy at work so we sit where there is space. I found a desk next to a woman I know to say hello to but not much more. I really don't know what happened but she just seemed to sense I needed some support. I think we all put a "work face" on but she saw straight through mine! We mostly talked about my leg and the struggles I have but she said a lot of things that really made me think. I left work feeling physically lighter and much happier.

DS2 is off school due to strike action and I've had a wonderful day with him. Managed to make it to the shops (though I can barely stand now) and spent less than a fiver treating us both to supermarket sushi and cream cakes. We then spent a lovely couple of hours cuddled up on the sofa watching the BFG on DVD. Absolutely heavenly DS also shot down all ideas about heating, we were both freezing but the clever little monkey suggested lighting the fire as (in his words) we only need to have one warm room

So I'm on the debt freedom trail. I'm off the mark AND I got to eat cake today. Life is good

Kate x

beanielou

Glad that life is good

Kate_fixing_it

Thanks Beanie - I just remembered that I never congratulated you on your success! I fully intend to follow your footsteps!

Also a big thank you to the post reminding me to change over benefit payments. The new tax year starts on 7th April so we'll be receiving £20 a week tax credits (the letter says they're taking the overpayment from the next award) and I changed child benefit at the same time - taking special care to make a note of the date and time of the call and the name of the person I spoke to.

I'm feeling really positive today and I can see the light again

Kate x

Kate_fixing_it

It's almost 4am and I have no one else to talk to so I'm posting here.

EVERYTHING just blew up. I got more than a bit tipsy - not blind drunk but "loose lipped" drunk and I told DH how I feel. EXACTLY how I feel. About everything.

I really really tried to do it in a non-confrontational way. Every sentence started with "I feel" or "my opinion is". I repeated the words "I want to deal with these issues" over and over again. As the tension increased I stopped things and said let's try again without any personalisation or anger. This is really unlike me but I appreciate I've got nowhere in the last 8 years so thought I'd try another tsctic.

He cannot get past the (my) debt.

Apparently, me never saying no is all my fault. I asked outright if he accepts any responsibility for the debt, twice, he says no.

He will not discuss. I mentioned counselling and his reply was "if that's what you want". I asked what was the point unless we were both committed to fixing things and he had no response.

I literally have no one else to turn to at this time of the morning. I have 4 kids asleep in bed unaware that our lives are about to be blown apart. The only person I would consider calling at this time in the morning isn't answering.

TBH the only things I feel in this moment are anxiety at how to get him out with the least amount of upset for the children and relief that it's all been said. I think that's quite telling. He even asked if I want a divorce at one point, I don't but I equally don't want to be married to this version of him or continue as we a. I'm not sure how many times I can have the words "I want to work through this" shot down before I should give up.

We started talking around 11.30, initially I was angry about his jokey comments about my leg. He asked me to tell him how I was feeling and it escalated to this by 2.30am at which point I realised we were going around in circles and I walked away.

I appreciate this really isn't appropriate for this site but I have nowhere else to go right now and I need to express these feelings so I apologise. This really is the only place I have.

I'm currently on the sofa, he's asleep upstairs and I'm desperately trying to formulate a plan for tomorrow. We've rarely rowed which is why this feels so serious and so final.

I'm completely and utterly lost.

Kate x

misstara

Hi Kate, just de-lurking to send you big hugs. You're not alone - there is always someone on this forum to listen. I hope you managed to get some sleep and that things are better today.

Fortune_Smiles

Hi Kate. What an awful night. I hope things are clearer this morning. Take care.


Fortune x

in_need_of_direction

Kate my heart goes out to you but you truly do have all of us. I bet like so many others I just wish there was something more I could do. Only suggestion I can give is to gather up your brood, say f*ck it and take yourselves off somewhere for the day. You need headspace and a toxic environment they may pick up on won't do it. Right now, you need to put other people's wants inc those of the kids, on hold and look after yourself. Whatever way things work out (they WILL work out), we both know that it will be you holding things together and that needs strength. Also, remember that although the debts may be in your name, that was of necessity due to OH's IVA.

You must not feel guilty as the choices you made were the ones made with the best of intentions and taking account of the circumstances at the time. I spent far too many years feeling worthless due to my ex's distorted view of reality that I was stupid enough to buy into. Don't make the same mistake.

You are tackling things wonderfully while providing for and raising your family. You're amazing