Kate's Journey

Kate_fixing_it

Thanks Beanielou. You are right (as always!) This isn't all my fault. To be honest I'm not really that upset. It just feels like one more thing to sort out. The debt isn't the only problem, it's just brought everything to a head and he seems to believe it excuses his behaviour. All I can see is that I'm treated as a member of staff and I make sure our family schedule revolves around him. The kids are my life and forgetting everything else they should be his priority too. It was one hell of an awakening when my 6 year old DS asked if daddy will play with him when he's finished seeing his friends over the weekend.

I know I don't put his needs before the kids but I do work life around his wants. This debt free journey has taught me so much about needs and wants. I've grown so much in a short time and I realise now that I don't need a 5th child and certainly not one in his mid 30s!

I have a lot of serious thinking to do but whatever I decide I know I'll be okay.

Kate x

in_need_of_direction

Don't be silly Kate, staff get paid . Ever think that if he hadn't had an IVA, the debts may not all be in your name? You're doing brilliantly at the minute. Don't let yourself get distracted. You mentioned your family would help out so you could get a weekend away. Could you ask them to do this more often to create some head space for you? Having gone through a break up by putting up barriers and refusing to ask for help, I now look back and wonder why. Don't be afraid of cutting yourself some slack.

Kate_fixing_it

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

Don't be silly Kate, staff get paid . Ever think that if he hadn't had an IVA, the debts may not all be in your name? You're doing brilliantly at the minute. Don't let yourself get distracted. You mentioned your family would help out so you could get a weekend away. Could you ask them to do this more often to create some head space for you? Having gone through a break up by putting up barriers and refusing to ask for help, I now look back and wonder why. Don't be afraid of cutting yourself some slack.

Oh my word that first sentence made me literally LOL!

My family are "tricky" (apart from my brother) they'll bend over backwards to be in the centre of the drama but get bored when the excitement dies down. That said I know they love me and baby brother would lay down and die for these kids.in fact he's the one that does the "dad" stuff with them.

The broken leg is currently feeling like a blessing! It taught me who was important and who I can rely on. It also taught me to ask for help and lean on people.

You are 100% right, without the IVA these would be joint debts or they wouldn't exist or they'd be significantly smaller.

I think I have made a decision. However, I'm going to give myself two weeks to be absolutely certain. This has been brewing for years, it's not a spur of the moment decision but I need to be 100%. I will re-read these posts in two weeks and if I still feel the same it's time to act.

Thank you for listening and for your support.

Kate x

Kate_fixing_it

Hello all!

The bills are paid and there's still money left! Jumping straight in there today as I'm so pleased!

At this exact moment I have paid £3267 with another £376 pending This means that the total owed (all in) is hovering around £10k okay so that doesn't sound too good but considering that 4 months ago all the cards were maxed and I now owe 82% of the available credit - with interest still being added I'm ecstatic! It's also worth knowing that 30% of the money owed is the loan and overdraft. I haven't touched a PDL in months and when the 376 goes through I'll be down to 5 cards

I can really see progress now the light at the end of the tunnel is burning brightly - at least in relation to financial matters.

I'm still in limbo on the relationship front but I'm fine with that, better to be in limbo than act in haste.

As for the leg? Your guess is as good as mine! It's been a week and no word on the pre-op assessment. The pain hasn't reduced since the doctor "examined" it and if I'm honest it's a struggle but much like the debt there's a light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a little dim right now.

However, one day at a time. I'm getting to where I want to be. I am winning. AND I'm off to the seaside in 8 days time, definitely winning

Kate x

Fortune_Smiles

Well done Kate! That's fabulous progress. Chase them up on the assessment. You know what they say - "The squeakiest wheel gets the most oil".

Fortune x

in_need_of_direction

Kate your progress and attitude is so good. Really well done. It's weird that we are total strangers but I feel so proud of you for doing what you are doing money wise while keeping the other balls in the air.

Fortune, I had never heard that expression about the wheel but it's so true and I love it.

Kate_fixing_it

Thank you both xxx

Just when I thought life couldn't be any more up in the air another curve ball arrives!

Bit of background, my two best friends both live over 300 miles away. All the support they give me is via phone and email. I'm getting the distinct impression that hubby has seen the emails. Literally overnight after "talking" to my friends things changed. The changes are very extreme and related to things I told only these two people. Now don't get me wrong, I'm delighted with the changes. I'm ecstatic that he's recognised there's a problem and I don't give a monkey's how that's come about but I can't help thinking how long will it last? So complete limbo relationship wise.i just don't know what to think.

Money-wise I've had (yet) another breakthrough DS1 was in urgent need of a new coat. So I used my new mindset. He's of an age where labels matter. His dad pays no maintenance so it's down to me. I set a figure I could afford, told him the maximum and set him loose! We actually ended up in Next, he chose the coat he liked best and came in under budget. He's absolutely delighted. I was a little emotional that he asked 3 or 4 times "can you afford this?" and the wonderful boy/man that he is kept thanking me. I am so lucky to have such an amazing son but there's definitely a huge stab of guilt in there. He NEVER asks for anything aside from a bag of pistachio nuts if he's helping with the grocery shopping, certainly not a typical teen!

So no huge movements debt wise - slow and steady wins the race - but I'm immensely proud of the £600 already paid this month, I'm still plodding along the road, taking each day as it comes and reminding myself I'm moving mountains here compared to where I was a few months ago.

Still plodding, usually smiling and always grateful for your help and support,
Kate x

beanielou

£600 is not to be sniffed at :j

Great result on jacket :j

pickle_me

£600 already this month!? It's only day 3! Bloody well done Kate :T

pickle_me

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

One thought for you and pickle me, if man has fully evolved, how come we don't hibernate?

I only just spotted this! Would the desire to hibernate indicate a complete state of evolution? If so I am definitely highly evolved as come January I have a very strong urge to bury myself under the duvet until spring